Jesper Juul: The Six Greatest Educational Errors
Mistake 1: Parents must be consistent
The truth is: parents must be credible. You do not necessarily have to be consistent for that. Rather, what matters is that the parents are as consistent as possible. That is, what they do matches their own values. Today, consequence is often just a synonym for punishment.
Mistake 2: Rewarding is better than punishing
Both rewarding and punishing undermine the authority of the parents by replacing them with a new one: do it for the sake of reward / punishment. That's how you get children who work but do not think for themselves.
Misconception 3: Courtesy is important
Please, thank you, like to happen. Kindness and politeness help wonderful in dealing with strangers: in the bus, at the bakery, in the hotel. But it does not work between parents and children: it depersonalizes the relationship, it creates distance, where closeness prevails. But the alternative to nice and polite behavior is not necessarily the rudeness. The parent-child relationship is more about developing your own personal language.
Mistake 4: Parents need to be good role models
Parents are role models. Point. Children can handle parents' mistakes very well as long as they take responsibility for them. Children become confused when their parents start to play roles and are no longer authentic.
Error 5: Children need limits
Children need relationships with people who have limits. They say: I do not want that. Or: I want to be alone for half an hour now. That children need limits for their development is wrong.
Misconception 6: Father and mother must not contradict each other with the children
There is no couple who always agree. Theoretically, perhaps, or in the evening with a bottle of wine, if one talks about basic educational issues. But in everyday life it looks very different. Nevertheless, many parents are burdened with always having to be in agreement so as not to confuse the children. But they underestimate their children enormously: Children learn very quickly that different people have different values and limits. And it's important that they learn that.
