Life Crisis: "What's wrong?"
Causes of a life crisis
Why do I always come back to men who make me unhappy? Do you accept jobs that overburden or overburden me? Do I move into apartments that are actually too small, too big, too dark for me? What's wrong with my life? If you ask yourself such questions over and over again, it makes you sad and perhaps also hostile to others who seem to have everything under control. Understandable feelings? and a signal that it's time for a change. Of course, a life crisis can be triggered by a stroke of fate. Mostly, however, we have contributed to a life crisis through inner attitudes and behavior.
So you prevent a life crisis
1. Trust your own intuition: The partner has promised not to drink so much anymore. The company was always fine, with the layoffs is certainly a rumor. Because it can not be what can not be, some people correct the truth, trivialize a bad diagnosis, ignore serious announcements, hide what they perceive or hear. Sticking your head in the sand does not prevent the catastrophe from falling. Anyone who always prettifies people and situations misses the opportunity to prepare in good time for a looming life crisis.
No life crisis without warning signs. Many feel a queasy feeling before something really happens. "Be careful, there is something wrong," says the intuition. Be aware of such signals, do not play down what you have observed, do not look for soothing explanations. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, face the problem and address it.
2. Set concrete goals: The landlord is determined even to take care of the mold in the hallway. The money will somehow be enough for the loan installments. The husband will not want the divorce after the bad fight. He who exposes problems leaves it up to chance or other people how things develop. Maybe everything is going well? but it can also happen a disaster that could have been avoided. What many do not consider: no decision is also a decision. Those who remain passive decide to have others appointed.
Think about what you want to achieve and what you need to do for it. Write down everything and work off your list point by point. This increases your chances of getting what you want: the right man, a good job, a hotel room with sea views or a clear answer.
3. In anger or despair: Search distance: "Do your stuff alone." ? "It's enough for me, I quit!" ? "If you see her again, I'll leave you!" Even if there are good reasons to be angry or desperate? Those who spontaneously draw far-reaching consequences from these feelings may only be harmed themselves. Because often there is no turning back after such an outbreak. It does not have to come that far: we are not helplessly exposed to extremely strong emotions, but can "cool off emotionally" with certain thoughts. This response is controlled by the prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for rational behavior.
If you see red, switch to Reason mode. Repeat inwardly like a mantra: "Stay calm, stay calm." Or you tell your counterpart, "Excuse me for a moment, I have to process that first." So get out of the sticky situation for a few minutes and gain time to gather.
4. Recognize your own share: Many seek to blame their worries on others: the parents who did not support them in their childhood, the man who left, the sister who did not take part in caring for the sick mother. As justified as anger and grief over old injuries may be? whoever shifts responsibility to others makes himself a victim. This may be relieving in the short term, but in the long term it blocks the energies: people remain passive in the victim role and can not change the status quo.
You have room for maneuver when you ask yourself what your share of the situation is. Maybe you stick to the past, so you do not have to dare anything new. Or you can not make up your mind to make up for a lack of time, such as completing a high school diploma. Think about how you can change things yourself. If you get stuck on your own, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
5. Make clear boundaries: Her daughter refuses to empty the dishwasher: "Mom, I have to go right away." Her friend says five minutes before because she does not feel like going to the movies.Your boss pushes you without warning, overtime to the eye. You annoy something like that, but swallow it without contradiction? Then you should ask yourself why you react that way. Too much tolerance is, for most, less nobility and charity than the need to be appreciated and loved. The wish is quite understandable, but yielding is the wrong way. If you let everything go with it, you lose the respect of others, instead of gaining their affection.
Stand up for yourself. Draw clear boundaries and make clear demands, like this: "Please inform me in time if I should work longer." ? "You can leave, if you have cleared the dishwasher, as agreed." And if you give in in the future, do it consciously and make it clear to your counterpart: This is a friendly congeniality and not a matter of course.
6. Tackle big goals in stages: Renovate the whole apartment on a weekend. Going for a jog every day from tomorrow or just eating healthy food. To speak Spanish perfectly to vacation. Only extremely strong-willed people can achieve such ambitious goals. Everyone else does not even start, because the very idea of which mountain lies ahead of them kills them after all. They feel paralyzed. Or they give up in the middle because they have taken over. The pressure they have built up becomes unbearable in these moments. So the distance between desires and attainment always remains the same.
Be aware: even the longest journey begins with the first step. Divide the big goal into small subgoals and give yourself plenty of time for each one. Think about what you can accomplish by when without undue effort. Reward yourself for each stage you have mastered, because that motivates you for the next one. And: Do not be too strict with yourself if you have not fulfilled your goal once. The main thing is, you do not give up, but continue after setbacks.
7. Concentration on your own strengths: Since they have been looking forward to the new job for months and gets at the last moment but weak knees: "I can not do that, the overestimate me." Fear of failure is in truth often afraid of success. The reasons for this are mostly early experiences. Many people ? especially the women? have received very little praise as a child or were severely punished for their mistakes. So they are the impartiality, just try something new, lost, their actual success they have not noticed. Instead of being proud of what they can do, they only look at what may possibly go wrong and paralyze themselves.
You gain strength and courage for challenges if you change your point of view. Just ignore your supposed shortcomings and concentrate on your strengths: What have you already accomplished in your life? Write down everything from graduation, driver's license to job success, to the education of your children. Surely a long list will come together. Read through it as if someone else had written it. I'm sure you would trust a lot. Go to your new task with exactly this attitude: "I can do it!"
