Deep Stacking: Why Women Are Too Humble
The deep stack syndrome is well known to most women. ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com interviewed Petra Beyer, an adult educator, supervisor and organizational consultant, and others. is working for the Hamburg career counseling center "woman + work", what reasons there are - and what women can do better.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: How do you explain the "deep stoneritis" syndrome in women?
Petra Beyer: I think that is still related to education. Girls are rewarded for other abilities than boys. Boys are rewarded for what promotes their independence, their independence, their ability to conquer the world. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to be rewarded for being relationship-oriented and friendly.
And you can see that later in life too. Women who admit that they want to have power and influence, who want to get involved, and also use their elbows, who openly say "I can do it just as well or even better," are struggling with a lot of devaluation. You do not want to have such behaviors with women because they are considered "male". Then to say "I accept that there are people who devalue me, that beats me a lot of cold" is particularly difficult for women. Women are always looking for support in their environment. In addition, women have difficulty assessing their own abilities. They often think, "If I can, then the task is too easy, otherwise I could not" or "anyone can do that". This has to do with an unrealistic self-assessment, so ultimately with a devaluation of their own abilities.
What are women afraid of?
You do not have in mind that it also shows interest when a man asks. Instead, they feel pressured and are afraid that they might not know when they ask. Women are too perfectionist, they expect to know everything. At the same time, they are afraid of having to prove their competence. A woman fears that when she says 'I'm an expert on this area', someone might come saying 'you said you're an expert,' and that means she has to answer for all the questions that are related to this topic hang out, know a response. Therefore, she is not allowed to say that she is an expert. Women prefer to pile deep so they do not have to make a promise they can not keep afterwards.
Are reports about business women in lifestyle magazines not an incentive?
No, I have the impression that they are more of a deterrent. Secretly, they conjure up a tiny bit of envy. But most women say 'this is out of the question for me'. And actually one should also ask: What actually means successful? Who defines the success? Women have to learn to define their own success. This does not necessarily mean "top executive floor".
What would you recommend to women?
Women are not experts at presenting themselves and ensuring that they are promoted, that they are given adequate skills for their abilities. They still earn worse and have less influence in comparable professional positions than men. From them, the women have to look at the crucial gimmicks. You must not run the tail in company inspections and look that no one is lost, but must go to the top and explain what is important to them. At meetings, you should not be bothered by someone frowning and then buckling. Women must learn not always to keep an eye on others. Men are strategic, and they act in the interests of their own cause. Women also have to gain decision-making skills and learn to draw the right registers. You need to do marketing on your own behalf, remember what your skills and competences are. And dare to be naughty! Go beyond your own limits, do not always adapt, even brush a situation against the grain.
Do you also know seizures of "deep stuttering"?
Yes, unfortunately. (laughs) When I started here on "Woman + Work" 14 years ago, I used to say, "I have such an ABM job". Of course, people have responded accordingly. By now I have learned to be safe, have learned to be proud of it, to get a sense of my own value. And I can pass that on, present, present, that's what I radiate. That's exactly what women need to learn.
Contact: "Frau + Arbeit", Grindelallee 43, 22146 Hamburg, Telephone: (040) 450 209-0
Glosse: "I am a forklift"
A mysterious illness tormented me for years. In the acute stage, it takes about five minutes.It briefly destroys my memory and paralyzes my tongue muscles. It can break anytime, anywhere without warning. For example, at parties, when a smart, well-dressed man, enveloped in the aura of success, strides forward and asks, "And what do you do for a living?" Then the disease is insidious. I spontaneously fall into a state of total amnesia. Stunned, I have to listen to how stupid sentences fall out of my mouth and dance unrhythmically. Actually, I am proud of my job and would like to answer: "I am a freelance journalist specializing in everyday life stories and glosses .I am currently working on my second book." Instead, I stutter like a seventh grader and am talking about "writing, occasionally, absurd, everyday madness." I have a squeaky internship voice and look like a little girl. I mentally list all the prizes I have won and all the compliments I have received in my professional career. It's no use. Am I a journalist? Or just a woman who imagines being a journalist? It's strange. Otherwise, I did not fall on my mouth and did not suffer from inferiority complexes. I love my job. Nevertheless, I am unable to speak the simple truth without feeling like a slicer telling the blue of the sky. "And you can live on that?" The man opposite me looks at me sympathetically and casually fixes my blazer, on which two knobs are missing this very evening. "Oh, I think I left the iron on at my house," I stammer and take refuge in the bathroom. The only thing that comforts me is that I share my mysterious suffering with the majority of my mates. At least one in two women - that's what my private investigation has shown in the circle of friends and colleagues - suffers from advanced stage deep stuporitis. Deep-throat sclerosis usually occurs in combination with double scleritis. This insidious disease duo transforms sophisticated managers into mousy girls and power women into interns. My friend Ines, for example, is a bookseller and mistress of several employees. Instead of proudly proclaiming, "I'm a branch manager," she whispers bashfully, "I sell books, but only children's books." My cousin Ulla is a quantum physicist. She is on you and you with quarks and strings and is considered an international specialist in the theory of the elegant universe. Congress halls are at her feet. Thousands are spellbound on her lips. It was only two weeks ago that I learned that I'm related to a Miss Einstein. For years, I thought Ulla was the secretary at the institute, because when she talked about her job, she was only vaguely mumbling about computer and numerical input and ending the subject with the phrase, "Is not that interesting for you." When it comes to their job, women behave as if they were royally paid by the rival company for doing their job in the best of terms in art. "I do not think that's so interesting for you." - "I do not want to bore you." - "What are you doing?" Women are embarrassed to succeed. Could someone be jealous. They find it easier to pretend to be a help than to stand by for being the boss. Such a thing would never happen to a man. No matter how third-rate his profession is, he always sounds like he's about to win the Nobel Prize.
