Your partner is annoying you? So you criticize him right!
Sometimes the gentlemen at our side can also go to the cookie. They forget important things, paddle for hours on their cell phone or do not listen properly.
Before you go rip off, however, you should stop and take a few tips for the right art of contention. You can break many things with the wrong words. And your relationship will eventually be better and not worse.
We have the therapist and author Sandra Konrad ("making love
- How relationships really succeed, "Piper Verlag, 352 pages, 19.99 euros.) Asked what she advises women.
How can we criticize?
"It's always good to name things in your desired form and to stay with your own feelings, but it's not just about the famous 'I-messages.' 'I think you're an asshole' is, at first sight, too But what are the feelings? Am I angry or disappointed? About what exactly? Often we generalize our allegations with "never" or "always" so that the other has to justify himself immediately in order not to feel annihilated. "
What does "destroy" mean?
"General criticism of the person of the partner rather than concrete criticism of his behavior to justify himself instead of responding to the feelings of the partner contempt and retreat If you lose the emotional contact with your partner in the dispute and get into a destructive dispute, break better At the same time agree on a new, timely appointment to "cool down." If you can not resolve a conflict on your own, seek therapeutic help, the sooner the better. Getting support is not a declaration of bankruptcy, but a sign of how important to you is your relationship. "
How should it be instead?
"No one can read minds." Open to each other: Share your feelings, your fears, your desires, do not wait until disappointment and frustration builds up, and you're just having trouble talking or even thinking about separation Needs over time, do not forget to communicate these changes to your partner, change is a sign of liveliness and growth, and nothing is more fulfilling than the connection between two people who turn to each other and try to understand each other. "
