Roland Kaiser's surprising confession about his mother
Barbara: Roland, I do not know if I can tell you that at all, but my mother has been the most formative person for me, I am very close to her.
Roland: How nice. Why should not you tell me that?
Barbara: Because you had such a difficult start in life. You were abandoned as a baby by your mother in Berlin, in a basket in front of the orphanage. Tragic.
Roland: I do not think so.
Barbara: Really not? But ? Roland: The plot itself is certainly not funny from the outside. How about a bad American movie? But in retrospect, I'm very grateful for that. She did everything right.
Barbara: You have to explain that.
Roland: Quite simple: If I had grown up with her, I would not be sitting here today.
Barbara: Let's go through the story in turn. You came to a foster mother.
Roland: That's right. And that was great, for me that was my mom. But when I got a bit bigger, it was four, five years old?
Barbara: Well, that's not so big.
Roland: ... at least I noticed that something was different. My mum was 30 years older than the other mothers, and she had no husband. At some point I was teased because of their otherness, I beat myself in the schoolyard for them. And then I asked questions.
Barbara: And you?
Roland: I went to the youth welfare office with me. And they explained to me where I come from and who I am.
Barbara: That was actually traceable?
Roland: Yes, they quickly figured out who it was that had left me. And there was a thick file about her there.
Barbara: What did you learn?
Roland: That she was 17 when I was born. It was seven years after the end of the war, not the best time to illegally have a child in Berlin. I even understood that she did not keep me.
Barbara: Wow.
Roland: After that she got another six children from five different men. They too came to foster parents or to the home. Apparently she had had great interest in the opposite sex, but not in the result of that interest.
Barbara: But did not you want to find her and get to know her?
Roland: No. I did not feel the need to give my story of origin more than basic information. Because you know, I grew up with a good woman in a good household, that was crucial for me.
Barbara: How was it with her?
Roland: Loving. Respectful. And modest. She was a groom and lived with her sister in a two-room apartment in Wedding, loo over the yard, was bathed on Saturdays in the Waschzuber in the attic. And we had to sleep in a room. But she made everything possible for me that was in her power. Bought me a bike from her tiny salary. And a portable radio, with which I then under the covers in the evening? The hits of the week? quietly so as not to disturb her.
Barbara: I heard that she had a special job.
Roland: Yes, we lived in Burgsdorfstraße, right next to the Berlin SPD party office. She cleaned there and she often took me along when I was little. That's probably how I became a lifelong sociologist.
Barbara: Is it true that you used to sit by Willy Brandt on your lap from time to time?
Roland: That's what she told. I have no memory of it. I once met Willy Brandt, he is the great ex-Chancellor, I already a singer. I somehow did not dare address him to this anecdote.
Barbara: Why not?
Roland: We were not alone, all stars in this room. But when Brandt came in, the room was full. He had such an aura, such a charisma, that was crazy. My little story would not have fit there.
Barbara: Your foster mother did not live there anymore.
Roland: No. She died at the age of 65, when I was only 15.
Barbara: And you?
Roland: I came to the orphanage. But only for a week, then I was allowed to go back. My mother's sister was there too and I was able to stay with her.
Barbara: Also, your birth mother was not an issue for you?
Roland: No. Only once more. When I turned 18, I wanted to get my driver's license. However, one was then only at the age of 21 and needed a signed by the parents consent. So I'm back to the youth welfare office. I described the case and asked my officially appointed guardian at the authority to give me her address so that I could get this signature. He looked at me concerned and said that he had to inform me that my mother had recently passed away. But he could sign the consent form. Did he do that too?
Barbara: god of God. How did you react?
Roland: As far as I remember, I was shocked for a moment. But I did not know this woman.She is said to have visited me once when I was one year old. And I've seen a picture of her, a beautiful woman. In the end, I was relieved that I could leave office with the signed slip. I had finally been there for that.
Barbara: I hardly dare to ask, but your dad ??
Roland: I was not interested. Not a second. But ?
Barbara: Yes?
Roland: In my job I often looked for closeness to older men. These were those classic father figures for me, reliable, smart men whose advice I've heard. Could be related.
Barbara: Hm. I have to say: I'm watching everything from my mother. Also, and above all, motherhood. How is a father, if every role model is missing?
Roland: I think that's in people, at least when you have a certain sense of rationality. Do I need a role model to see my children as they are? To listen to you? I do not think so. But how has your relationship with your mother changed over the years?
Barbara: Hm. Not so much. My mother and I have been arguing about exactly the same things for 40 years. But the good thing about getting older is that you know the other's sensibilities. We have not gotten a little smarter in all the time, but: We are not going to go full on each other anymore.
Roland: You turn off before the collision, so to speak.
Barbara: Exactly. I feel that it still feels like it used to. But I know that it does not do any good to come out in the place where it rally escalates. And I have too much respect.
Roland: Really?
Barbara: Oh yes. My mother is the respect person of my life. If we're supposed to be there for coffee at four, then we'll be there at four. Everything else I could not stand. But it is more than that. I have always told my mother everything.
Roland: Everything?
Barbara: Everything.
Roland: Even the men's stories?
Barbara: Just that. I just told her that the other day, after more than 20 years, I met Christopher. Does she say: Was not that the one with the tight-fitting nipples? My father's cutlery fell from his fingers.
Roland: So you did not tell that to everybody?
Barbara: No. I love him very much, but my mother is different. She always says to him when he feels excluded from us again: There are things between us that you do not need to know about.
Roland: And so much closeness sometimes creates a lot of friction, and then it just crashes. On the other hand, I am often annoyed by my children. It is already quite well established that at some point they leave the parental home and make a little distance to their parents. They come from a completely different world. My son recently asked me if I still, quote, "linear television".
Barbara: That sounds like a disease.
Roland: Exactly. I then said that I do it, as I also order a meal from the menu in the restaurant: I choose from the offer that various channels make available to me. That is foreign to him. For him I am almost from the Stone Age.
Barbara: But I find that interesting with the distance because I really do not want them.
Roland: But?
Barbara: I would like to live with my parents again, and wherever we are at the moment, preferably with my parents-in-law. I love extended family, and I love the feeling that everyone is there and connected.
Roland: How nice. The idea has something of an antique, because extended family was still lived, and the advice of the ancients was heard and had weight. Has changed a bit today.
Barbara: You're 66 now. Do you feel that too? Do you have the feeling that people are looking at you and thinking, What else does the old man want?
Roland: Not really, and I'm sure that's thanks to my children. They keep me young by letting me share their lives. I feel very well how he pushes, the pulse of the time. Although I now contradict the feeling of my son, I am a Stone Age father, but contradiction is one of them.
Barbara: I know exactly what you mean. What I have learned through my children is stress resistance. You have to get over it with children so as not to go crazy.
Roland: And you learn to interpret the different kinds of children's screaming.
Barbara: You mean to distinguish pain from rage and frustration and grief at the playground.
Roland: Exactly. I can do that. We also shared the tasks with the children from the beginning, so I was always close to them. But the resilience of a mother will always remain very special because she simply has the closest attachment to a child. Or do you have another opinion?
Barbara: Hm. Nee. Where I know people who call themselves an absolute daddy child. But the other way round: I would indeed do everything to have the feeling of being and becoming mother. I do not know a man who does so in this intensity.
Roland: I say yes. We will never go there men. For that, we are allowed to marvel at many other aspects of children's life.
Barbara: For example?
Roland: As an adult, you are the center of your own world, you only circle around yourself. As soon as a child appears, you automatically step to the edge of that circle. Having a child changes the perspective. This leads to a new modesty, you stop taking yourself important. Good for people in our profession!
Barbara: That's right! There you stand after the performance in the living room and no one claps!
Roland: And your son asks if you're finally going to play Lego with him. In a nicer way you can not be grounded.
Barbara: You became a father when you were 38 years old. Would you have been able to live this kind of family if it had happened 15 or 20 years earlier?
Roland: Maybe not. I was still too much on the lookout and busy with myself. I found myself incredibly important. That I'm not that and not what I do, I had to learn first. And this learning process makes me a better father. I know: My wife and children are really important. Point.
Barbara: And what are you doing now that the kids are out of the house?
Roland: They are not really that right. Jan comes to us every day. I ask him then: Jan, what are you doing here again? He says: I love my parents. I ask: Are you hungry? He says: Oh, really. Then he eats something and leaves again. Somehow strange. But he would not come: I would feel like I did something wrong.
ROLAND EMPEROR was born in 1952 in Berlin, where his professional biography began: Head of the advertising department of a car dealership, telegram messenger, singer. His first single was released in 1975. What happened to her? 1977, his first hit, Seven Barrels of Wine ?. From March he goes on tour, on March 15 comes the new album? Everything or you? ? a duet with Barbara included! Kaiser lives with his third wife Silvia in their hometown Münster, has times in the local "crime scene"? played along, is friends with the Federal President and is committed against law.
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