One complains, the other is the Wailing Wall
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Are we born strong or weak?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: A complex role that we take in life is not innate, such as temperament. Since play early childhood experiences. The strong is often left alone early, knows little care, cares about her own needs, because she realizes that nobody else does.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: So strength out of a weak base?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: Yes, for their efficiency, the strong is often rewarded with success and thus becomes stronger and stronger. However, that's not as wonderful as it looks. As a young child, she experiences a deep injury: she is not important, is not sufficiently mirrored, has little opportunity for confirmation. That's why she does everything later to be recognized and admired.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: That sounds more like a cry for help. Who is really strong?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: A really strong woman can confess worries, does not have to deny weaknesses, has the courage to show her neediness sometimes.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Secretly, however, the weak seems to be quite strong in their desire to find help.
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: That's her. In a way, she exercises control by appealing to others for her helpfulness. She probably had a mother who could not tolerate her child's attempts to get away from her mother. The weak remain heavily dependent on the mother's care and control - this pattern reappears in later relationships.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Among friends it is often like this: one complains more, the other is the Wailing Wall. How is this imbalance?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: These two have different processing strategies for insult and disappointment. One is more able to handle problems herself, she has a good self-regulation. But also afraid to confide in others, to reveal themselves as weak. More openness could sometimes do her good, because otherwise she is constantly overwhelmed, and that can lead to burnout and other diseases. The eternal plaintiff needs someone who understands their feelings so that they can cope with them. She seeks confirmation of her own feelings, support and comfort. She has little faith in her own abilities. Looking for help is a sensible behavior, but too much of it can lead to dependence, dependence and eternal repetition.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Can that be good if one girlfriend gives more, the other takes more?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: Yes, because everyone has a part of it. The strong may feel superior and the weak may lean against. Each delegates something of their own wishes to the other.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: How come a strong and a weak together?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: One of them senses the willingness or the neediness of others. They give each other what they know from childhood. This has a big attraction at the beginning.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Does a friendship last such differences in the long run?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: Over time, subliminal aggression and frustration can grow, because essential but unacknowledged needs remain unfulfilled for both. The strong also wants understanding and support, the weak really longs for self-assertion and independence.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: The strong one is sure to suffer first, because she feels exploited by the weak.
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: That's why she has to learn to say no, to recognize her own needs. But as long as she says yes to the claims of the weak, if she stands by her yes, then she does not feel taken advantage of.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Is it possible to leave the recorded roles at some point?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: Yes, but that takes the courage to endure conflicts. Friendships develop. It can happen that one learns from the other. That is also a sense of friendship. When that happens, only real closeness arises, and friendship grows.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: And who hugs the strong if she feels really weak?
Claudia Clasen-Holzberg: Best of all, a friend who likes and appreciates her - regardless of whether she is just a miserable misery or the brilliant winner.
