Why are compliments embarrassing?
We do a lot to collect compliments: in the morning in front of the closet, we carefully select our look, then spend a lot of time writing the presentation and trying to make the round of dinner laugh. At bedtime we apply a wickedly expensive anti-aging cream so we can hopefully look young for a long time. And for all the effort, we also want to get a little bit of recognition.
But why are we so often embarrassed when we get the much-desired compliment? Five reasons for the feeling of being in praise:
1) self-praise stinks (... oh, praise, too)
From an early age we are taught that giving is not heard. Sometimes this lesson develops an aversion to anything that might be perceived as an exaltation of one's own person. When one then exaggerates by the praise or compliment of another person? If you only have the choice between plague and cholera, you either accept the compliment and break with the norm of always being modest; or rejecting the compliment and negating the other's testimony. Both variants are unpleasant for many people. "Self-praise stinks!", We have learned. And unfortunately also: "Fremdlob auch!"
2) You think the compliment is insincere
It gets particularly tricky if you do not trust a compliment. This also explains why people with little self-confidence are particularly unpleasantly affected by a praise: they do not believe that it is correct. Some fear that they will be kidding or that the compliment is only a means to an end? and the other pursues a selfish goal.
3) The compliment puts you under pressure
Compliments can put people under pressure when they get the feeling that they must continue to do it justice in the future. Does anyone say to you, "You're such a strong personality?", Can it make you feel like you have to compliment this to avoid disappointing others? even if you feel weak.
4) The other one comes too close to you
A compliment expresses intimacy. Because it implies that whoever pronounces it knows you well enough to comment on your actions or looks - and that praise could have meaning for you. In addition, the feeling of not wanting to return a compliment can be unpleasant in this case.
5) You feel valued
Some people do not like being judged? because they fear that the positive rating of a less beautiful day could be followed by a negative one.
Get compliment? You should not do that
Some people tend to treat a compliment like a hot potato - and return it immediately to distract attention.
But one should abköhnen urgently, advises James O. Pawelski of the University of Pennsylvania according to the website "The Cut". First of all, you are concerned about the joy that comes with a compliment despite all the embarrassment. And secondly, you reinforce your intimacy, because now your opponent is also embarrassed.
And you should do that
Instead, Pawelski recommends the following strategy: accept, reinforce, and grow compliment? Means: accept the compliment by thanking you for it; reinforce it by consciously absorbing it and tasting it; and then go ahead by asking questions. For example: "What did you find so good about my lecture?" Then you can use the new insights to make your presentations even more exciting in the future.
By the way: Even compliments for men are often too short - we'll show you how to change that.
