Relationship: Family connection excluded
Samira *: "I'm a potential suicide bomber for his father"
I do not have many people here in Germany who are really close to me. Just a few good friends and an uncle. My parents, my brother, other uncles, aunts and cousins - they all live in Afghanistan. That's why I was very curious about Frank's family. And it was a shame when I learned that he has no siblings and hardly any relatives. Worst of all, his parents do not want to meet me. They even warn Frank in front of mewhen he visits them in the small town in Saxony where they live.
At the very beginning, when Frank and I just got together, I thought that in the stories about his parents, he was certainly exaggerating to prepare me for a possible meeting with them. I just could not imagine that they are really that badas he says.
But gradually Frank has told me more and more. That his parents have mental problems, that they did not get along well with the turnaround. They also have a poor health: they have osteoarthritis, high blood pressure and alcohol problems. Once I phoned his mother. She was totally open-minded, asked how I feel and how I like my new work. But although the conversation was really nice, I realized: I'm not fond of this woman. Her husband and they are afraid that I pity him, their only child.
Frank told me that his parents did not want to meet his ex-girlfriend. His father rejects basically everything that is foreign and new to him. But he finds me especially bad - I'm a foreigner and to make matters worse Muslim too, And suspected of committing a suicide attack sooner or later. How should I dispel these fears? I have no idea yet.
Frank says that his parents neither travel nor receive visitors. They never invite people to themselves because they feel embarrassed about how they live. Nobody should see that they collect everything and do not clean up. They seem to be pretty lonely. Nevertheless, they do not want her life to change and her son's best either. I am glad that Frank makes his decisions independently of his parents and that, as far as we are concerned, he is not deterred.
I'm not so bad that it's so difficult with the two of them, I find it rather sad. In my own relationship, it is normal for people to look after each other, go out into the mountains together, or have a picnic. All this will never be possible with his parentsI've come to terms with that by now. Nevertheless, I am interested in the two, after all, it is his parents and certainly important people for him.
Every time Frank visits her, I want to know how they are doing. Although I now realize that I can not change much about the situation, I would still like to meet her. So I suggested to Frank that I would just come along in a few monthswhen he visits his parents. I'll rent a room at the hotel and meet them in a café so his mother will not have to worry about it. So far they do not know anything about the plans. But Frank has promised to raise the topic when he sees them next time.
Frank: "My parents probably would not even come to the wedding"
My parents immediately suspected something. Even before I got together with Samira. By the way, at some point I must have mentioned that I met a woman who came from Afghanistan and studied medicine just like me. My mother immediately said "do not let the seduce you".
There were reasons why she pronounced this warning. When it comes to women, I have often been on the muzzle. Especially my last separation was terrible and got me very off track. That's why my parents probably do not want me to be with Samira. My dad thinks she's just taking advantage of me. He has also assumed my ex-girlfriends. He simply has a very pessimistic attitude to life: Evil lurks in every corner, he can not imagine that there are people who act disinterestedly.
There is just everything wrong in the world
So I do not think that the main problem is that Samira is a foreigner. My dad would always be upset no matter where my girlfriend came from and what she does or does not do. He scolds indiscriminately. About leftists, Nazis, the bad Americans who interfere in everything, the bad Muslims, the currency reform and Mrs. Merkel, things we Germans do and those we do not. There is just everything wrong in the world.
Luckily my mother is different, she can make friends with new situations better. But she too, I think, would be glad if I did not have a girlfriend. She would most like to just go home and look after them. She never said that explicitly, but I know it. My parents are bitter about their lives and blame each other. Especially my dad can be very failing and hurtful. He often quarrels with my mother, and he keeps coming up with me again and again. I can not expect these situations, I want to protect Samira.
But even if my dad did not have those outbreaks, I could never bring Samira with me. My parents suffer from the so-called Messie syndrome, they do not throw anything away, almost never go away, When I visit them, I have to clear a space between all their junk, where I can roll out my iso-mat. I do not want Samira to see me that way, and my parents are ashamed of the conditions.
There are moral reasons for me taking care of them, after all, it's my parents and I mean, not to let them down. But it takes me over to endure all this. I visit the two about every three months. Most of the time I try to avoid Samira because I know that there is a fight. I am not happy about this situation. But for a long time, it was not clear to me that Samira was suffering like this. We often talk about the parent topic, but we can not find a solution.
I do not care that I will not have the blessings of my parents if I marry Samira one day, that they probably will not even come to the wedding. But the two are not the only problem in our relationship - I'm also worried about Samira's family. She does not even officially know that we are together. Especially her mother would never accept a relationship with a Christian.
* Name changed by the editor
