Overly caring mothers: why we should give the fathers a chance

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde: They claim that the "new" fathers would like to take on more family responsibilities. Who prevents them?

Prof. Dr. Margrit tribe: The mothers. Many women are convinced that only their actions and thinking are right and their partner is less capable.

So it's the mothers who are to blame for everything?

You cant say it like that. But society has always put the blame on the men rather, they long labeled as lazy sex.

You also speak in your book of "female determination sovereignty."

?I must stress that all this applies to about one third of mothers. But yes, these mothers determine what the proper diet is for the child, how the household is made, and what rituals it should give - how the child should grow up.

Where does this desire come from? After all, women are now much more likely to be self-employed than before and no longer "just" a housewife.

This can be explained, among other things, by the social prejudice of the naturally caring mother. Many women see intensive motherhood as their most important basic competence, and they are measured even when they are working. Often, even women who take on typical roles as individuals in the profession are those who privately focus on traditional female values and who, on many matters relating to parenting, see themselves as the sole expert and, indeed, the central person in the family.

And the partner ??

His commitment can threaten this maternal identity. That is why women often control what the partner is allowed to do and what not. Remarkable are the consequences: Many men with retreat respond to excessive maternal demands - and perhaps even with more intensive employment.

Who are these so-called new mothers and fathers?

Actually, all those who are different from the distribution of roles of their own parents. As a "new" father, a man is already considered working part-time. It is not a quality feature!

Rather?

A good father can not be measured by his presence. Even full-time men can be good fathers when they look after their offspring when they are at home.

So quality over quantity?

Absolute! A good father also proves himself in the long run. Whether he accompanies the children and is an appropriate role model for them. It depends on whether a father has the breath in the long run, and whether the mother leaves him.

Why are fathers so important?

They are usually the exploratory, exploratory element. The mother, on the other hand, is the more affective and emotional one. If the father becomes a mother's copy, it can be a loss to a child. The polarity is enormously important for a healthy growing up.

And what about single parents?

They should look for caregivers in the environment that allow the child the other element.?

This is your first book on fathers - how did that happen?

Through our studies. We recognize that dads do much more than the mothers perceive. In addition, I used to be a woman who accused her partner of being too little at home and under-committed. I realized later that our female gaze is too narrow.

The Swiss educationalist Margrit Stamm is the director of the Swiss Institute for Educational Issues in Bern, her latest book has been published by Piper (304 p., 24 euros).