New beginnings are not a question of age
At 45, Ines T. falls into a crisis of meaning. Her job as a publishing lecturer, which she has been practicing for almost twenty years, no longer pleases her. "I just tormented myself at work," recalls Ines. She had started the job with great ambitions after completing her studies in literature: she was concerned with quality, the implementation of ideas and the intensive support of the authors. Ines wanted to work in her profession, to be there with all her heart. At the beginning everything runs like clockwork: Immediately after graduating, the single-minded young woman gets a job as a copy editor in a book publisher. When it is restructured there after a few years and Ines loses her job, she starts to jump career and changes in a higher position to another publisher. "I never had to apply for a long time and I got the jobs I wanted," she says confidently.
But after a while, she feels that she is losing the pleasure of work. "I could not work qualitatively as I understand my profession." Their concepts are wiped off the table, in the executive suite there are constant changes. She can not bring in her ideas. Even a new job change does not help: Ines has to realize that the industry is all about fast sales, not sustainable business. She feels in the wrong place? and makes a bold decision: She quits without knowing how to proceed afterwards. "The pressure of suffering had just become too great, I found my work to be completely meaningless," says the 48-year-old. Seeking help, she turns to psychologist and career counselor Madeleine Leitner in Munich. Together with her, she wants to find out which profession would suit her better. After ten consultations, Ines has achieved her goal.
If you want to break new ground, you should extend and observe the antennas
Sometimes winding paths lead to the goal
Many women ? and men too - at a certain point in their lives, wondering if they did everything right. Not only in career matters many people will eventually doubt. Even the partner or the city in which one lives are suddenly suspiciously eyed. Many things in life seem to have come about spontaneously: their parents suggested a bank apprenticeship, and because the idea of becoming a writer seemed self-dare, they went into the finance industry. From the study love one became pregnant sometime, the marriage followed naturally. And the transfer of the husband meant the move to Westphalia, but one would much rather have stayed in Munich. Or would have preferred a more adventurous man and a more creative profession.
Gerlinde Lahr knows what it feels like to find yourself in the wrong place at some point. Lahr works in Konstanz as a psychologist and coach and has written a book about women in the middle of life ("Strong in the best years"). She, too, had to take winding paths until she finally found the right profession for herself. Women in a similar situation advises them to extend the antennas and watch closely. "Anyone who denies himself by going in the wrong direction gets hints from his body." Symptoms may include constant postponement and wasting time, insomnia, chronic frustration and suppressed anger, or self-esteem, being highly dependent on others' opinions. This is accompanied by the quick tendency to shame, even with trifles. Even those who do not enjoy life without nameable reasons should think.
But how should one behave when the realization that something is going wrong in life does not mature at 30, but only at 50? If you are firmly rooted in the unloved city, you can not easily give up your job because of financial obligations, when children are affected or you are afraid of being alone at the neck? Doris Brenner, a trainer and HR developer from Rödermark, advises in any case not to break everything overnight. It would be better to proceed in small steps. "It is usually not necessary to throw everything overboard, which has been gained in experience and knowledge." Thus, a finance official, who would like to dedicate himself to writing in the future, instead of short stories but also write textbooks. "You can not turn the wheel back and I think it's wrong to do that," says Brenner. In addition, not everyone has concrete ideas of a career new start? many only know that something should change.
Like Ines T .: Together with consultant Madeleine Leitner, she got to the bottom of her passions to find out about the right profession: What had you already enjoyed as a child? What skills does she bring with her, who initially have nothing to do with a job? "At some point you have a mosaic of inclinations and qualities in which you recognize yourself," says Ines. When digging in the past, you noticed how much she had forgotten? and that she often underestimated her qualities. For example, she always took her empathy for granted. "Especially women often do not value their skills," Ines says today. In addition to professional advice, she also added family and friends to ask for their opinion.And got misunderstanding: "Many did not understand, why I gave up my job.There came immediately concerns, also because of my age.This has made me angry.The age can be quite an advantage, after all, I bring a lot of experience.
Interest-based search creates new options
What fun did I have as a kid?
Doris Brenner advises against getting advice exclusively in the private sphere. "Family and friends are emotionally involved and not neutral," she says. The basic research should therefore be run as possible with an external consultant. In addition to collecting the qualifications and experience of the client, this also includes defining his demands on the new activity: What is important to him, what environment, what income would he want? Not infrequently it turns out that not the profession is wrong, but only the framework conditions are not right. John Webb, who works as a coach for "Life Work Planning" in Münster, reports: "In about half of the cases, it's really not about a job change, but about moving from the hated little town to Berlin." Many people also misconceived their supposed dream job: "They paint a rosy self-employment, sitting at their desk and writing at home, but the disadvantages - high risk, low income or lack of social contacts - do not take it, "says Webb. He therefore proposes to his clients to interact with as many people as possible who exercise the desired occupation. The conversations then give a realistic picture. "If the determination to change in the direction continues, we have a healthy base." Then you have to create networks, make contacts, deal with the new topic? Webb calls this strategy "interest-based search". On the way often unimagined options arise. Life work planning is age neutral, explains the coach. "My oldest student was 63."
However, Brenner advises people who are very safety-oriented and attach great importance to preserving their standard of living to be more susceptible to radical changes. Your suggestion: try things out, "maybe take a longer vacation and live in the time you dreamed it." In addition, the partner should be involved before major changes. "Reorientations are very much interwoven with the family environment, especially when it comes to self-employment or a move is considered." It becomes difficult when the relationship itself is the source of dissatisfaction. After 20 years of marriage, the man suddenly seems energetic and boring, the love is worn and without any tension. Suddenly you think you know that marriage was just a compromise from the beginning because you did not want to be alone.
Dear little steps as a hard break
Sonja Nufer, psychologist and author ("If love becomes disaster") in Berlin, advises in this situation to listen well to himself. "Marriages that have lasted for ten or twenty years have certainly not been in vain, and even if one of the partners suddenly seems wrong, he has been right for a while, perhaps because he had a job with him, learning something through him. " The first thing to consider is whether the feeling of wanting to leave the partner is only a temporary need or a final decision. "It can help to look after your dreams, dreams are guides to our souls, they tell us what we want and show repressed longings." Also physical symptoms could reveal much about inner needs.
If the decision to break up, Nufer warns of a hard break with the partner. It would also be better to take small steps, perhaps first to make a spatial separation. "So both sides can check how they are doing, maybe one year later they decide that the man belongs to one." To come to terms with an unsatisfactory partnership for reasons of age is certainly the wrong way, according to the psychologist. "It's a question of maturity: maybe it took 20 years to find the courage to live alone or to get involved in a new relationship - it's never too late, not even 60."
Dreams are signs of our soul
The psychologist Gerlinde Lahr even believes that only a certain age brings the courage to change: "One of the many benefits of the midlife is that we recognize the value of the resource time and from a certain time are no longer ready, this resource to waste." One should only beware of mourning the supposedly wasted time with the wrong man or in the wrong job. In any case, it would be unhelpful to use the terms right and wrong in life decisions, says John Webb. "You're quick at a point where it's about moral and guilt issues.Nothing bothers you more than the thought: everyone else did it right, only I failed. "It would be better to recognize," I did it as well as I could, and I will do that in the future. "Ines T. has found happiness as a teacher at a high school:" Here I have everything that is important to me: passing on knowledge, empathizing with others, a nice circle of colleagues and the opportunity to work independently. "She is not sad that she did not find the profession earlier. "When I was younger, I had no sense of children. Only today do I dare to do this work. "
