Man, you should not be alone
A smile by mobile phone.
"ü" - sometimes it's not more than this letter that Grace is texting. "ü" stands for a smile. The two dots above the "u" look like the eyes above a laughing mouth. The fact that the nose is missing, you like to buy, because ü can be typed faster than the keyboard shortcut :-).
"ü" should tell me: I think of you. Or: life is beautiful. And even if it should not be that time: smile! My friend Grace uses such short SMS messages to communicate with me. That's important here. The Filipinos do not feel well alone. When they are out of the family, they spend their time with the Barkada, the clique.
Living alone is not possible
My other friend Joy, 43, a career woman, is unmarried and still lives with her parents. Not because it would be improper to live alone, not for financial reasons. And why am I even saying that she still lives "at home"? My view is based on a cultural misunderstanding.
A city as a family
Question from Joy: "Why should I live alone?" There is no single household survey in the 15 million metropolis of Manila, but I estimate it tends to zero. Sometimes it feels like the 80 million Filipinos feel like a big family.
For example, when I sit in the cafe and Grace calls the waiter "kuya", "older brother". Or in the office, where everyone calls the secretary "sister Eva". An older colleague initially introduced herself to me as Dr. Reyes suggested, but soon suggested I should call her Tita, aunt. When I am traveling with one of the jeepneys, the main means of transport in the country, I often feel that it is only there to satisfy the general need for closeness.
Culture of togetherness in the Philippines
Of course, there are economic reasons for the driver squeezing as many passengers on the two long benches as possible. But when we then sway tightly through the streets and fall on longer stretches, the head of the next man on my shoulder, it can happen that I feel a very puzzling sense of togetherness. An upsurge of familiarity with strangers who happen to have the same destination as me.
The need for retreat is quite unknown.
The need of inhabitants of the western world for rest and retreat is completely unknown in this country. Grace recently said, exasperated, that her new home-help had come to an end after only two weeks. It was a so-called live-in-aid that lives in the house. The rural young woman could not bear to have a room to herself and to spend the whole day only with Grace's mother. She was so unused to so few people.
Once I spent a weekend in the beach house of friends. We were thirteen, and it was really funny. At some point, however, the urgent desire to withdraw briefly from the circle of loved ones attacked me. I said I would get some flat beer. I should have known better. The debate, which then relaxed, ended with the owner of the house buying the drinks by car, so I did not have to miss a minute of the nice round.
Foreigners are admired
My German friend Anette took two weeks off from her family last year for the first time in ten years. After her stopover in Manila, she was happy to spend a few days alone on the beach. But the landlady of her small resort must have hurt her terribly.
Lone travelers cause pity.
Whenever she sat alone in front of her bungalow to enjoy the sunset, the host family invited her resolutely for dinner. Her attempts to reject the invitation were probably interpreted as courtesy.
If necessary, you are virtually close
Nobody here imagines that someone would rather spend an evening alone with a book and a drink than with other people. However, because you can not always be together, you send SMS messages to at least ensure the virtual proximity of family and friends.
Most have no news value, but carry a nice thought, a feeling or a religious message ("God is always with you" or "Hug, hug, hug, have a great day"). "Being absent," calls our friend Raoul, a sociologist.
Manila is the SMS capital of the world.
Grace sends and gets to the 100 SMS a day and is therefore not an SMS junkie, but the normal case. Manila is considered the SMS capital of the world. Studies estimate that 150 million SMS messages are sent daily.Each beep that signals the arrival of a text becomes part of a web of relationships that nestles around you like a protective cocoon. A kind of invisible umbilical cord that connects you to your loved ones.
Reinsurance after heat
On the plane, Philippines can be recognized by the fact that they cling to their mobile phone until the last minute, as if their lives depended on it. Also, I am prone to this constant reinsurance in terms of warmth and affection. After two years in this country, I realized that my first glimpse in the morning is not the alarm clock, but the phone on my bedside table. I see if there is a small envelope blinking.
Even the boss is looking for closeness
Incidentally, it's because I had to exchange a few SMS with Grace shortly before falling asleep. But sometimes I realize that I'm still a freshman in the Philippine world. That made me realize my unsettled reaction when, the other day, at six o'clock in the morning, I received a message from my boss, with whom I do not associate any private relationship. It read: "wake up in the morning, smile." Short: ü.
