BARBARA: A sex shop for women only. Why do you need that?
Regine Thoeren: I count myself among the women who have never dared to go to a sex shop. That's why I wanted to create a shelter where women can ask questions and talk about their desires and fantasies. We have no cabins or a hidden cinema. Instead of pictures of women in patent leather boots we have a sweet chubby hanging on the wall.

Is the shelter accepted?
Yes, even if some customers need a longer start-up to look inside the door. We women talk differently when there is no man. Much more honest. The shame takes a back seat. In addition, my colleagues and I speak clearly and objectively what we think, feel and mean. This helps to bring things to light and allow yourself more.

What do you most often hear?
That women do not get orgasm when sleeping with their boyfriend. Then I answer:? Welcome to the club! 98 percent of all women do not experience this? The affected are then relieved immediately, you can see that immediately. They thought for years that they were frigid or not normal and wondered what was wrong with them. Only to come to a climax through penetration is and remains a rarity. We always like to clarify that. The lesbians need less education because women know what women need.

What do you advise women who find it hard to come to orgasm?
I think every decent household needs a vibrator and a lube. An engine can easily do more than a finger, that's the whole secret. If you sleep with each other, the clitoris is almost always too short. If the woman holds a vibrator to the clitoris, she is more likely to come and the man feels the vibration like a small massage.

Do not men feel the vibrator as competition?
That depends on whether they have tried it: Recently, a man told me: "If I had known how nice it is to incorporate a vibrator into lovemaking, I would have bought one at 18 !? Of course you need someone who is ready to take this step with you. Many men feel hurt in their masculinity, or are unsettled when you talk about sextoys. I have personally experienced that.

© Jan Tepass / Private

That's why many women masturbate secretly?
Yes. Many women come to my shop to buy a vibrator and hide it in their drawer at home. That is understandable. Very few couples manage to talk about sexuality without feeling either one hurt. This is a delicate and inexperienced topic. So many couples remain speechless. And speechlessness often becomes listlessness. Added to this pressure.

Which pressure?
The pressure to reach the goal. We women like to do that to us. Also because we want to prove to the partner that he gets everything great. But when I press myself to get an orgasm, I only get a red head. I can just as well go to the kitchen and smear a sandwich. The difference between men and women is: The men come after two minutes and we sometimes do not arrive after an hour. That's why I say to the men: Pick up the women where they are right now. We sometimes need your help. If you think you are slow, you are still too fast.

How do you get the pressure out of your mind?
By taking time for each other and going into the unintentional touch. This is completely forgotten. It's not about serving any buttons. The start in the lust is to come out of his head. For that we need patience and respect and attention. This includes bathing, kissing, caressing and oiling each other.

Today we are surrounded by sex. In movies, advertising, books. Does that not make women more open and more adventurous?
Maybe something. But it is a long road that each one of us goes individually. In addition, we get a completely wrong picture played. Sex is successful in the media. We can always and always want and always come. Sometimes school classes come here. What can I say: The young people can name everything, know what they can do together? but they do not feel things. To allow oneself to feel and to express exactly what one feels, that's the point. That's the art we can all learn.

So what would you recommend to any woman?
To get on the way. To discover yourself and the partner. To engage in sexuality. Tell others honestly what you feel right now.It is so easy to create a space where you can masturbate and live and experience: closing the door, closing your eyes, dreaming something beautiful and off you go.

Which sextoy would we best take on the journey?
This is different for every woman. There are so many funny shapes and colors these days. It's best to go to a sex shop and pick a toy.

And what if we feel too embarrassed?
Shame is something natural and innate. It's one of ours. So just take the shame by the hand and go with her into the sex shop. What you choose there is the right thing for you!

© Jan Tepass / Private

Regine Thoeren, 61, opened her sex shop Lady? S Toys 22 years ago in Cologne, the only sex shop for women. To her come women between 18 and over 80. What shows: Sexuality never stops.

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