Tips for Online Dating: Does He Only Want Sex?

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Why do not men who are just out for sex not just use escapade portals?

Julia Dombrowski: Because since the men's women's key is not as good as in dating exchanges. Moreover, the fact that a man does not want a serious relationship does not necessarily mean that he does not want more than a quick, uncomplicated sexual satisfaction. Many a man would like to conquer, be seduced and adored. Sex with women, which he meets through a classic partner exchange, allows him to feel victorious - as a hunter who has managed to get them around.

So men are pigs, at least in the net?

No, I would put it more nicely: Many men go after their longings by having affairs without being tied. Some people are looking for recognition and can only get it through sex. Still others want something solid, but let themselves be tempted by the seemingly unlimited online offer of potential partners, always looking for - after the even madder, the ideal woman. But women have also told me that they have become much more open to fast sex and short, non-binding relationships through the internet. Some people also use online dating to stage erotic games of power rather than looking for great love.

But what if I'm one of those who have serious intentions: how do I protect myself from such "gamblers"?

If someone pushes for sex very quickly or makes exaggerated oaths such as "You are my only true love!", Then this is a warning signal. In English-speaking partner exchanges, there are even filters that sound the alarm when terms such as "darling" or "love" are used too often. Also questions like "Do you still meet other women?" are useful. You should not give out any personal information until the first meeting.

Dr. Julia Dombrowski, 38, author of the textbook? The search for love in the net ?, 378 p., 29.80 euros, Transcript

How long should you wait until the first date?

If you are interested, arrange such a meeting as soon as possible. The longer I communicate with others through such intimate themes as love and relationship by email, the greater the danger that the written exchange will create a closeness that does not stand up to reality. In summary, one could say that the same applies to the search for a partner: leave the brain switched on!

Brain and feeling do not always go well together. Is that why even women who set out to be vigilant are victims of "love scam"?

Anyone who longs for a relationship wishes to be the only one for someone, and is therefore vulnerable to false promises - regardless of gender. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman: to open your heart to someone always involves a risk, because at the same time it means being vulnerable.

The realization that you have fallen for false promises often causes great shame ...

... which is much bigger, if you have found the liar in the search for a partner on the Internet, instead of having met him by chance in the pub around the corner or with friends. Online dating still has a rather dubious public reputation: in the reality broadcasts in the afternoon or at "commissars in action" it is striking how often the male offender and the female victims get to know each other through a dating exchange. As with Rotkäppchen: "If only you would not have gone alone in the forest! It's your own fault if you do something like that!" Do not wear this shoe, be lenient with yourself.