Sinnkrise: What do I want from life?

Margret is 38, has man, house, daughter, occupation. She is successful, can afford something and is envied by many. The only one who lately thinks more and more often, "What's this all about?" Margret herself is not an isolated case, as Margret is more and more women: they have apparently achieved everything and may come for the first time to breathe in their lives. Taking stock - and that often turns out very unsatisfactory. We talked to psychologist Tom Diesbrock about this phenomenon.

Psychologist Tom Diesbrock

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: Mr. Diesbrock, what's up with the women around the 40's?

Tom Diesbrock: In my practice, I observe the following: Women come to me at the peak of their career because they are suddenly no longer satisfied. They have many options, too many, and that generates stress. On the other hand, they do not know what they can actually do.

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: Why is that?

Tom Diesbrock: Many have gone the path of least resistance all their lives. Studied business administration because of the lack of courage in medicine, a traineeship became a job, a promotion to a new department. It always flashes in the back of my head: That is the structure of my career, because you have to do something for the first few years, which is not that much fun and so on. In addition, under stress, the perception is less, we get a tunnel view and our focus is narrow. That used to be important when a saber-toothed tiger stood in front of us, but today it's more of a hindrance. And at some point my clients come to a point where they ask themselves: Do I really want that? Have I ever actively opted for this career? And: Will I do that for the rest of my life? The answer is often no.

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: A difficult situation.

Tom Diesbrock: Yes. The women who come to me have already made the first big step. You have already asked yourself the questions, mostly already read a lot of guide literature. Many know: I want to get out of here. But it is much harder to realize: Where do I want to go?

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: I would like to grow old in a big house in the country.

Tom Diesbrock: Very interesting, that's what many say. They long to work with people, to do something valuable and meaningful - perhaps in the social sphere. If I ask them what it looks like at the moment, they live in the big city and sell kitchen machines or are in the management of a bank.

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: And are not so enthusiastic about their job?

Tom Diesbrock: In Germany, 70 percent of people are without emotional attachment to the job - 70 percent! That is devastating, as we have totally failed as a society. But many are afraid to change something: Today you have to be happy if you even have a job, even if he is not fun - so many think.

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: What do you advise the women then?

Tom Diesbrock: I give little input, because most of them get more than enough from books and friends. I prefer to accompany the inner process, trying to get people to allow themselves to risk something new. Ask yourself the questions: What do I want? What can I? We do a potential analysis, we produce ideas, we structure the abilities of the person. Good questions are also: How did I choose my job? Under what conditions do I want to do it in five years? Where would I like to be at 60? What is my vision? Or who likes it in general. Why am I in the world?

ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: What does that mean in concrete terms? Can you give an example?

Tom Diesbrock: You may be dissatisfied with selling food processors. You do this job, because you can cultivate and sell contacts well, think structured. But you realize: this is nothing for eternity. Then we try together to consider: where can I still use these skills, in a setting that makes me more fun. What skills do I still have left lying fallow? Maybe then you find out that you are much happier if you take a similar position in a social or charitable institution. Or that you are doing something completely different and maybe want to run a Waldorf kindergarten and actually could. We then think about how this could work. Surely you need courage for that - but it's worth it!

You can also visit psychologist Tom Diesbrock on his website.

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