? And how was that with you ?? Why we love getting to know stories so much
Sooner or later, it always comes, the question of all questions. Who goes as a couple among people, she knows for sure: Naaaa? How was it with you then? How did you meet? And then always that enthusiastic, expectant, almost spooky smile that says, Just have a decent answer. Because with this question I will learn everything about you. This means sweaty sweat for internet friends and couples who just came together in such a big fuss because they got along well in the office or have always been friends. If these couples then just tell the truth, the disappointment is great. No common dive with white sharks, no chance meeting at sunset on the Seine? Not even a story in which the word soulmate or a life-saving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation occurs? Yawn !!!
The experts also find it exciting
Also couple consultants and therapists usually ask for the first time after the introductory story, says couple advisor Eric Hegmann. But they do not do that to find out how much Hollywood potential the beginning of the love story has to offer. Rather, they are concerned with HOW the story is told. Does the couple tell together? Do you interact? How do you deal with disagreements? Do you have a similar sense of humor? All this and much more can be revealed in the narrative of the first steps together. American emeritus professor John Gottman researched whole studies and found that most long-term happy couples told their story in a very specific way. They talked in the we-form, seldom used? He? or I?. The partners, who spoke in such a way and presented themselves as a unit, statistically stayed longer a couple and were happier than the others. "By the? We? do they express a fundamental attitude to partnership ,? explains Eric Hegemann. "A setting that is particularly sustainable ?.
But what is sustainable?
Very difficult Eric Hegemann finds the "Disneyfizierung of love", as he calls it. "People who believe that fate has that one person for them, that one great love known from Disney movies, have a great expectation of love," he says, explaining why it's so dangerous. The love that starts like fireworks is first of all based on sexual attraction. This is not completely irrelevant, but not as important as a truly deep friendship that unites both partners. And this friendship can start quite unspectacular and must grow. This will need time.? Couples who give too much to the very big feelings at the beginning are often disappointed after a few years, when the level of happiness is not sustainable. There are even studies that show that couples who have worked hard for the wedding and have even been guilty of it are statistically more likely to divorce than couples who have kept the celebration small and affordable. "It's all about safety again," says the relationship expert. What we are looking for is not soaring, but trust and commitment.
And again and again the same story
So is the history of the news no matter? What! Just do not give it too much importance. Actually, we basically know that the beginning of a story does not really say much. And yet we like to hear it again and again. We read books about the beginning, watch movies about the beginning. Every beginning, as Hermann Hesse so beautifully said, is somehow a magic held. And even if it's a Disney magic, it's kind of touching. If he is still told in we-form, we can even hope for a happy ending. A little bit of Disney has not hurt anyone. As long as we tolerate the reality with old socks on the sofa, contentious education issues and annoying mother-in-law also. Only Disney is not. Real friends also hold out the outtakes after the credits. And that is what it is about!
