Long-distance flight with children: hell over the clouds
Maybe I should have guessed, when my friends looked at me with a frown. Perhaps my sense of reality would have helped the fact that there are a total of 287,084 blog and forum posts on the subject. But I always know everything a bit better (at least I think so) and so I joined the two carers and a big kid in the queue at the airport at four in the morning. Oh, beautiful ignorance ...
Flying with children: "I'm not going through this?
First hurdle: The? Naked Scanner ?. Explain to a three-year-old that at four o'clock in the morning he should stand with his hands up, legs apart, in a rather spooky machine. Alone. The very thought of this caused these three-year-olds to throw themselves screaming on the floor and refuse any alternative proposal from the ground staff. Nobody should touch it, shine through it, joke it. He wanted to go home, not stupid America. Immediately!!! For a moment, I thought there was nothing more annoying in the world than three-year-old tantrums in inappropriate situations. Had underestimated the potential of my teenage daughter who suddenly whistled loudly at her brother: "If you do not go through, everyone thinks you have a bomb in your pocket !? At this point, I would like to thank all ten ground staff members who simultaneously flashed for three seconds and stoically ignored this sentence. THANK YOU!
Long distance is called because it takes a long time
So we were allowed on board in spite of bombshell and I vaccinated all children, that such sentences at the latest the American border officials would rather semi-witty. Had I known at that time that my kid would ask me exactly in front of these officials, why the men do not find jokes with bombs funny, I would have pinched the topic. But you have to come to this limit first. Oh, what do I say: first you have to make it when changing to the next gate. Possible obstacles: children who need to pee very urgently during the really outrageously detailed survey on the reason for entry. Lost hand luggage. A passport lost somewhere in a backpack. Homesick before departure. Just to name a small selection ... And then the insight: Long-distance is therefore called long-haul because the flight takes a damn long time.
Watch movies until the doctor comes? or?
Apropo Boredom: Never believe in the on-board program if you have booked a foreign airline. And above all, make no promises you can not keep. Already half a year before the trip, I had announced it, every time when the TV turned off in a whispering voice promised: "If we fly to America, you may stare as long as you want !? With increasing panic, I clicked on the plane so in the program "Kids". I found English films, French subtitles and Spanish series, but NOTHING? and I mean nothing in the sense of nothing at all? German. Reason enough for our six-year-old, miserable and too loud even before the start of the plane? Mama always lies !? to sob. The good news: after all, I had no reputation to defend in the next twelve hours.
Earache, boredom and the white shark
We had not started two minutes when the same daughter got earache. Not so much, but so much that my mother's heart was really bleeding, I immediately forgave her the tantrum and cursed myself for the stupid decision not to have the pain juice packed in my handbag. Meanwhile, our kid started telling our neighbors that we would not land in America, but in the water with the white shark. Her fingers clawed unrestrained in the armrest and beads of sweat appeared on her forehead. "Can you please stop him?" She whispered hysterically. By the way, with a crying child in her arms and another child, twice putting their feet up in the face in search of the ideal sleeping position of an angstful neighbor, and constantly talking about white sharks in the Atlantic, one hears every sigh in the plane on the? are-the-terrible-family-the-world-ear ?. When my husband began to sigh beside me, the concentrated power of my naked nerves hit him. What I have done wrong again, I hissed at him. "You've got the airplane seats too close to each other?" He grinned. And besides, you always lie. I've heard.? At least one of us laughed. It was not me.
After the outward flight is before the return flight
Twelve hours and 5000? When are we-daaaa questions? later we had done it. Luckily the American border guards could not speak German, and no one except me had noticed thank God that our daughter had obviously smuggled a craft scissors in her hand luggage on board.Completely finished and relieved I sank in America in the seat of the rental car. Never again would I underestimate a flight with children, I thought. Three weeks and a wonderful vacation later, I had thought of everything before the return flight. I had threatened with painkillers in hand luggage, German videos on my tablet, and my children at the mention of the word bomb, lifelong ban on sweets. For 21 days and especially nights, I had thought a thousand times about how we, and our marriage, and especially our nerves, would survive this return flight. Tense, I got on the plane and can now testify under oath, which one has guessed long ago. I'm sure of it once and for all: The devil really has a good sense of humor. From where I know this? Even during the start, all three children closed their eyes and woke up only when landing. The woman next to us with the crying baby twins looked damn jealous. Oh yes. If she knew ...
