society
May 3, 2024

Hell on earth

"Sometimes it was just push, sometimes she threw me crumpled paper, and in the end she punched me in the stomach." For Maja, the school routine was pure agony. The 17-year-old high school student from Aachen was annoyed for months by a classmate, harassed and finally beaten. Maja was silent, she did not tell her teachers and her parents. "I did not want to be small and helpless," she explains. "At my school you just have to put up with something like that, it's part of everyday life, but if you tell it, you're considered a weakling." Besides, she would have come into disrepute as Petze - and Maja wanted to avoid that at all costs.

A coincidence helps the truth

According to statistics, Maja is one of 93,000 victims who have to receive medical treatment every year due to an attack by their classmates. And many of them keep silent about what is done to them. In Maja's case, the truth came out by accident: After Lena has punched her several times in the stomach, Maja went to her family doctor. He wondered about the injuries and the many bruises. Maja could not hide the truth any longer. "I broke loose in the treatment room and howled out all the frustration of the last few months." The doctor then encouraged the student to talk with her parents and teachers about the situation. She followed his advice. Actually, she could have reported Lena for assault. Lena would have to expect a trial and possibly even with a deprivation of liberty. "But we got together with my parents and a trusted teacher and tried to work it all together." The adults were surprised to find that a girl had become violent.

Experts agree with them: "Girls generally have a lower propensity for physical violence," explains Dr. Heinz Reinders, scientific assistant at the Chair of Educational Science at the University of Mannheim. But that does not mean that they are naturally more peaceful. "They usually act only covert and for outsiders less visible, for example in the form of bullying," said psychologist Dipl. Thomas Jäger. Bullying means systematically harassing and insulting others, usually weaker ones, over a longer period of time. (The better known term "bullying" refers to professional life.)

"Violence is never harmless!"

"Even though bullying seems less brutal and threatening at first than beating boys, it can leave a deep and long-lasting mark on the victims, and violence in whatever form is never harmless!" emphasizes Thomas Jäger. "And girls in particular often endure situations that are bad for them, far too long and hope that the attacks will eventually cease on their own, but this often means that things only get worse and worse."

So in Eva's case. The 19-year-old from Cologne was harassed by three classmates, even after the teachers' conference had tackled her problem. "The break was a nightmare," explains the former main student. "Then they were waiting for me, at first they called me a whore." Later, they lurked Eva on the way home. "They took the bag away, threw my things in the dirt, pulled my hair and tore my T-shirt," says Eva. She seems apathetic. She was not always like that. At first she wanted to talk to the girls. "I wanted to know what they did not suit me, what I did wrong to turn it off." Then one of the girls answered that Eva looked like Cameron Diaz and was therefore a slut. "I was shocked - did you hate me for my looks?"

Monthly ordeal

Whenever she wanted to talk to the three girls, they just laughed and scolded Eva even harder. And then came the school trip. "We visited a castle and there was a small staircase, thank goodness not high," recalls Eva. One of the three girls pushed her down, Eva broke her leg and the teachers could no longer ignore their situation. After the perpetrator was expelled from school for a few days, the other two moved on to where her friend left off. It was only when they had beaten Eva hospitalized that the turning point came. Eva decided to file a complaint against the girls. "One got a probation, the other has come to the juvenile prison, because she had previously been criminalized."

Eva, however, is still suffering from months of torture: She has to struggle with eating disorders, hardly trusts anyone and is afraid to go alone through the city. Time and again, she asks herself why teenagers become palpable.

Violence to belong to

Experts explain that violence always has multiple causes in both girls and boys.For example, a difficult family situation or a low social status of the perpetrators. Heike (17) knows what it means. Her mother died when she was little. Heike's dad does not care about the girl: "It does not matter if I come home at night or not!" she says. She has no friends in her class. Here's just what clothes you wear, "There's no friendships," Heike whispers. Heike's father is a welfare recipient, the last time she was shopping, Heike does not know anymore. For a little recognition and the feeling of belonging, it would do a lot - even become violent. And so it happened that Heike fainted an African girl because of his origins in order to impress her right-wing friends.

Is it even possible to protect yourself from the violence of his classmates? "Yes," says psychologist Sibylle Enz, explaining: "A stable social network is one of the best ways to protect yourself." Girls should meet classmates open-minded and open-minded, making friends and belonging to a group. If a girl has already become a victim of violence, several contact points are available to him. Institutions like the Kinderschutzbund or the Jugendtelefon offer individual help. "If the parents are not able to adequately protect their children, victims should turn to the Youth Welfare Office, and if they are victims of criminal offenses, then the police should also be involved," adds Reinders.

Do not forget two things: they are never alone with their experiences, there are thousands of girls who have to experience something equally bad. But there is help for all victims of bullying or violence. No one is helpless against the situation / problem.