Everyone wants Anna
Anna Engelhardt * does not like holidays very much. She prefers to go to school - also because it's so hard to decide where and with whom she should spend the days off. For weeks Anna's mother Eva tries to find a solution. Eva's ex-husband wants to take his daughter to his parents. Eva's parents would like to have Anna with her. And Eva herself would like to run away with Anna. Drive somewhere where no one tugs at the seven-year-old and showered her with love. Where no one interferes in their education, even if the advice is so well meant.
Eva Engelhardt loves her family and wishes that Anna has as good a relationship with her grandmas and grandfathers as she did with her own grandparents. But holiday planning, Christmas, Easter and Annas birthdays mean "for the 38-year-old mother" for seven years stress without end ". Not because it would be difficult to reconcile the appointments of her ex-husband, grandparents, her own and above all Anna's. That too. The main problem, however, is the tussle about her daughter. Everyone wants to be with them, because Anna is the only child in her family.
The single child keeps the family together
Everyone wants Anna
This is similar in many German families. Children are in short supply. In 2006, 61.3 percent of the population lived in households without underage children. Ten years earlier, the share was 57.3 percent. The decline in the birth rate has made her a precious commodity. To take care of their future, to see that what they sow lives on beyond their own existence holds not only a society, but also a family, for which aunts, uncles, grandparents and godparents are involved.
When Eva Engelhardt and her sister Katja were children, there were many peers in the neighborhood of their grandparents to play with. When Anna visits her grandparents, she is surrounded exclusively by adults - apart from going to the playground. Many single children have at least cousins, such as Anna's friend Sophie. But not Anna, and lately she's asking more and more why that's the case. At family reunions, she gets bored quickly, gets moody when she's not dating her peers for a few days. Although the adults play with her, "but what she needs at the moment, you can not give her an adult," believes her mother. More children in the family, Eva and her childless sister Katja are convinced, would lead to a more relaxed relationship.
The reasons why women only have one child or none at all are different. However, in most child-poor families there is at least one person missing children. There are five of them at the Engelhardts: Aunt Katja in Hamburg and Anna's grandparents, who live widely distributed in Germany. When Anna visits them, they blossom. With her granddaughter laugh, spontaneity, aliveness and the belief in the future come into her life. They would like to have more. Anna. Always Anna. Whether she likes it or not, she is always the focus. And enjoy the care of several adults. But she is also observed more strict than many children with siblings. She can not even do a little mischief without being noticed. Eva's older sister Katja finds that "Anna often can not really be a kid." The 41-year-old freelancer has given up hope for her own children, but she has a close relationship with her niece. "If Anna and I do not spend an afternoon together at least once a week, we're missing something."
Eva is pleased that Anna has another caregiver with Katja, who takes part in her development and teaches her things in which she herself has little interest: Crochet for example. Katja also picks Anna up from the nursery when Eva has to work longer. However, Eva also often feels that she has to defend herself against her sister's education or indulgence attempts. "Katja thinks kids should not watch TV," says Eva. "Every time she comes to us and Anna is watching a children's show, I feel bad." On the other hand, her sister proves "an angelic patience, if Anna quickly makes a headstand before going to bed and rumtrödelt in the bathroom," says Eva. Anna's contradictory responses do not necessarily provide clarity. Despite her frequent contact with her niece, Anna Katja can not replace her own child. "Of course, I only get a fraction of Anna's life," Katja regrets. "That makes me constantly worried about her." She herself knew how ridiculous it was when she bombarded her sister with information from the Internet about chickenpox, after she told her that Anna was suffering from it. "But even then - and sometimes even at night - I can think of a thousand reasons why she just could not do well."
Everyone is tugging at the only child
Anna.Always Anna. Katja takes care of her and cares for her day and night. But even the grandparents cling. They would like to see her only grandchild more often. When Anna is with them, they often try to delay the departure. Jealousies such as "she has not been with us for a long time" also occur. Everyone is tugging at Anna.
Such dynamics have a negative impact on all participants. "When the child realizes that the adults demand love, attention and time from him, it becomes cautious," says psychologist Rainer Künstler. "It builds a glass wall and tells parents and grandparents less about their own needs, and at some point they may not be able to approach the child."
This is not the case for Anna's situation. Although their grandparents have their own interests. But they also show the granddaughter how much they love Anna - for her own sake, because she is the way she is. But Anna would rather come to visit them if there were more children in her neighborhood.
This leaves only the opportunity to take other children. Anna's friend Sophie, for example. "For Anna, it would be great to spend a week with Sophie with my parents," Eva says. "Then we could finally all do what vacations are for: relax."
* Names changed by the editor
