Do women know their sexual desires?
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde: Fortunately, women in our society are given their own sexuality. But do they really know their body and their excitability?
Susanna-Sitari Rescio: In my experience: no. I often ask the women in my practice if they can draw their gender. This is difficult for many, as if it were a foreign country. Besides, they do not know how everything works together and what happens with sexual arousal. Excitement is often confused with excitement.
What's the difference between excitement and excitement?
With excitement I mean emotional excitement. It takes place in the solar plexus and in the heart area. We are excited because we are with someone we like. Someone we love. Sexual arousal causes changes on the physiological level. The genital gets more blood, it gets wet and the body tension increases. When I ask my clients if they can describe exactly what changes in them, when they are agitated, I often see big eyes and question marks.
Why do not women know what arouses them?
My guess is that her sex is taboo early. The different parts are rarely named. In addition, the female sex is more hidden than the man. But the whole area - outside and inside - wants to be awakened in the course of life by own touch.
The non-medical practitioner for psychotherapy leads the SoHam Institute in Hamburg, a healing practice for holistic sex therapy. She advises women, men and couples on problems and questions about sexuality.
© Thomas RaupachSo the problem is that women do not touch enough?
Many women only touch each other externally or say that they do not feel anything inside. I explain to them that only by repeated touch receptors are activated, which trigger these pleasant sensations. Even receptors can fall into a kind of hibernation and need loving and careful touch. With time, women can find out what excites them when they touch their vaginal walls, their G-spot or G-area, or their pelvic floor.
Can vibrators help to discover themselves?
For women who do not touch themselves, I am aloof. Even a vibrator touches, but the fingers have eyes - that is, they are more sensitive and can take more information and forward. But of course you can use anything that supports the arousal additionally. So vibrators, gel, oil or dildos.
Is it possible to discover one's wishes during sex with one's partner?
Of course - if the expectation is not too big. Because everyone is responsible for themselves. When I go into an encounter and expect the man to find out what I like, it quickly becomes disappointing. Only through self-gratification, I prefer to call it self-love, I get to know myself. For example, there are women who like a direct touch of the clitoris, others do not like it at all. Some love gender, others prefer delicate touches. That is highly individual.
Many are influenced by media or porn. Is female sexuality not shaped by male desires?
I would not speak of male ideas, but of pornographic. Of course that does not mean that women can not be aroused by pornography. There are enough studies to prove it. It is important to break away from pornography and to make room for his own wishes. What excites me? Which rituals, scenarios and fantasies do I like? That's what women should experiment with. This can be outdoor sex, taking a shower, cuddling sex or slow sex. I recommend women to develop their own sexual profile.
To be able to talk about it, right?
Yes. My impression is that few women - and men by the way - dare to talk about it. Women often seek confirmation of their attractiveness. When the partner desires them, they confuse it with excitement. But that's not enough for a long time, that's not genital satisfaction.
Are women too focused on their counterparts?
You should definitely say what you want. For example, if you need a little longer to get excited, can not come, or do not want to be touched directly - talk about it. Many also need an emotional bridge before they can open. After that, for example, hard sex is possible. But I experience through stories that many women just play. After all, women - unlike men - can also have sex if they are not aroused. So if they are not wet enough, feel no tingling or tingling in the sex. But they are afraid to disappoint the man if they say so.
Which typical problems do you still experience in your practice?
Most women complain about listlessness. Then I ask: If chocolate did not taste, would you always eat it again? Why should it be different during sex? If it's not fun, it's logical that you do not develop desire and eventually you do not want to. In these cases, I ask exactly what happens during the interaction. It often comes to ignorance of their own excitement and lack of communication to the fore.
Would be the topic of orgasm. What do you advise women who do not or only rarely come to a climax?
To deal with it. Of course, an orgasm is not a must. But in the long run, a missing orgasm becomes a frustrating experience. But that does not have to stay that way, sexuality is a learning process. It's not that we only learn in youth and after that everything is over. Our brain is capable of learning for a lifetime. Women with orgasm problems should take their time: mindfully, lovingly and consciously deal with their body. Breathe deeply, move your body and pelvis, touch each other differently, try it out. If you need help, you can also ask a sex therapist. Sexuality is a gift given to oneself.
