Adoption - how you get through the waiting period well
At the latest when expectant parents hear the heart sounds of their unborn child for the first time at the gynecologist, the exciting time of pregnancy begins for them. Every day, the wonder of life can be watched as it grows and eagerly awaited by friends and family for the long-awaited birthday. The calculated date of birth helps enormously to make the waiting time conscious and to enjoy the changes.
An adoption can take weeks - or years
Adoption Advisor Daniela Holm is a wholehearted hamburger, mother, wife, graduate sociologist, yoga teacher and adoption consultant. Further information at www.adoptionsberatung-hamburg.com
Couples who have applied as adoptive parents are experiencing the time of "happy anticipation" quite differently. Because when they will hold their child in the arms, is not plannable. It may take a few weeks or even a few years - and for some couples, unfortunately, it will be in vain!
As an adoption counselor, I accompany and advise adoption applicants. We talk about the difficulties of enduring the wait and together we search for connecting and joyful moments and projects. We discover ways to integrate desire experiences into the waiting phase.
This allows couples who want to adopt a child to recapture the waiting time from the felt dependence on the exchanges. They manage to make this extraordinary time of their lives a phase of liveliness, development, interconnectedness, abundance and enjoyment that will be very different, but at least as valuable to the partnership and partners as it is to others the nine months of a pregnancy.
These are my tips for all adoptee pairs:
1. Confident handling of indiscreet questions
Indiscrete questions about family planning are certainly not unknown to you. Think of fitting, authentic answers that you can use to answer unpleasant questions like, 'Do not you want kids?' - 'How long do I have to wait for my grandson?' to respond confidently without offending the other.
Always keep in mind: In most cases, the demand for family growth is expressed absolutely carelessly. Most likely, your interlocutor just wants to get over the nice topic? Children? chat. So: Develop all-inclusive answers that will preserve your face and your dignity and let your counterpart nod with satisfaction, such as ?Let yourself be surprised!?
2. Looking for supporters and confidants
In order to be able to speak openly about your feelings and thoughts in the particularly challenging waiting phase, select confidants in your circle of acquaintances are looking for you. Also think about a professional contact person who will accompany you on your journey.
Are you thinking together exactly what people from your circle of acquaintances from when their adoption plans know and why? Only if it is beneficial for your family or the relationship with the other person to share the information about your family planning, is it worthwhile to involve the person so intimately in your life.
3. Make the waiting time conscious
Prepare for both a short (up to 6 months), as well as a medium term (about 3 years) and a long wait (more than 3 years) to be able to design the time periods that suits your needs.
Make a note of all the projects that you would like to have prepared in Phase 1. This can be: renovation, baby equipment, vacations, training, baby care classes, request forms (parental allowance, child allowance, education, daycare vouchers, etc.), large celebrations ... Organize your plans for the first 6 months after the 4-quadrant -System: 1. Important and urgent, 2. urgent, 3. important, 4. unimportant.
You can revive the ensuing two years with longer-term projects: What do I want to experience and do during this time? What hobbies and rituals could I start, alone and together? Which professional steps would be interesting? What experiences fill my life alone and together with joy and energy?
When Phase 3 occurs and your child's arrival is delayed due to various reasons, you should ask yourself: In which direction do I want to give my life an impulse? Are there, for example, Honorary offices that irritate me? How about thinking about taking a foster child? Is it a good time for a pet that would fit into our lives with a child? Or would I like to try something new professionally? In the first years of waiting, have topics come to the table that I would now like to reflect and process with professional guidance?
4. The babies of the others
Take a close look at you and your partner: How many pregnancies and births can we enjoy authentically with friends in which dose, and from when and with whom does it become too much and painful for us? Take your feelings seriously and take good care of yourself. But: caring for oneself also means making sure that you do not get isolated!
In general: Appreciates your special situation every day! It is emotionally a great challenge to go through the adoption process stable and to master the many ups and downs alone and as a couple well. For that you need a good dose of self-care every day.
