These are the four stages of jealousy? which ones do you know?
If my ex-partners were asked how jealous I am, very different answers would come out. From "not at all" to "it's totally spinning", it would probably be all there. In general, I do not consider myself to be particularly jealous. But depending on who I was with, the jealousy has spread more or less strongly with me. My personal 4-step model:
Stage 1: no jealousy? or the benefit of clarified fronts
Sometimes one is sure of his own cause. I felt that way with a few people. For one thing, there were those who simply knew that they loved me and valued me too much to be unfaithful to me. On the other hand, I had a handful of non-binding connections, where we had clarified the expectations in advance: friendship plus or sex with small talk. Everyone knew what he was about. Nice. If it was always that easy. But usually one always wants more? and then, at the latest, it starts to get complicated.
Stage 2: mean jealousy? or what happens if you do not know which relationship status you want to specify
?Are you together?? ? yes, no, um, maybe? If you have not defined how you are standing together, this question will make for embarrassing moments and lots of rum printing. Is it just fun? or is one already in a relationship? In times of Tinder and a divorce rate of 40 percent, many people seem to have a problem with long-term commitments. They live in constant fear of missing something. It bugs me. When someone told me for the first time that a relationship was not possible because there was so much else left, I was deeply hurt. A feeling of not being enough was spreading. But I was emotionally in the middle of it. I still agreed to it. But then the thought circles and the questions started, if there are others besides me ...
Stage 3: pronounced jealousy? or how it is possible, if there is another
Barbara once said that it's nice when other people find their own partner attractive. And in a way, I agree with her. Little evening flirt at parties or in the club we all enjoy. To feel attractive is something beautiful. But when a rival suddenly appeared in one of my no-relationship relationships, I was not so generous at a stroke. If the human being, for whom I have strong feelings, also meets other people on deep levels, then that bothers me. Why do you need that when I'm there? She has much more money and success than me. Is she prettier? Can she offer you something I do not have? These questions have tormented me infinitely. They bring little except pain and suffering. I'm aware. I also know that every person has something different to offer? other conversations, other experiences, other quirks. All very logical and not bad at all, if there were not these fear of loss. And they make everything so hard. Sure, if something should happen, it happens anyway. But just watching it is not easy.
Level 4: RAGE? or when anger spreads
I'm sure they exist, these premonitions. Even if the other is far away and you do not know what he is doing. I remember one night a long time ago. I had a feeling that there is another woman and that they would probably spend the night together. At the thought alone, I almost went crazy. Tears, anger, insomnia, helplessness? the full feeling program. I do not wish that to anyone. Incidentally, I was right. Less than a week later we were separated.