"Now it's my turn"
Helping and giving advice is easy as long as we feel strong. Then we comfort in case of illness or heartache and listen to problems with growing children, feed cats in the holiday season and water flowers, dragging boxes on the move. Until we do not even feel well. Then many miss the open ears and helping hands that are now there for them? and get disappointed, feel abandoned. With these strategies, you get your pleasure in giving and ensure in time that something comes back:
Listen to what the "belly" says
Our intuition is a reliable control system. It tells us when giving is appropriate for us and when not. Ask yourself if it really suits you to listen or help in this situation. If you feel annoyed and overwhelmed during the performance, you will have the courage to say no. However, there are exceptions: Often we willingly accept unpleasant things, because we love or appreciate someone. In such situations, you can express your support as a gift to the other: "I do not really have time, but I'll come to you later, because you're dear to me."
Give without ulterior motive
"Did not I always patiently listen to the trouble with her boyfriend, so she has to help me now." Such calculations are rare. So do not be tempted to think that your help will be rewarded. If you support someone, do it because you want it. How to preserve your inner freedom.
Do not always say yes
Some seem to need help all the time and are not afraid to exert subtle pressure: "You always do that so well." ? "That's a little something for you." If you tend to respond to SOS calls immediately, make yourself clear: you're not the only one who could be an assistant? and in many cases not even the best choice. Please refer to professionals such as coaches or psychologists and service providers such as removal companies, taxi drivers or pet boarding. With that you do something good for the other person: They support him in taking on responsibility himself.
Endure guilt feelings
A no can lead to disappointed reactions: "And I was counting on you." Who usually helps, then easily gets guilty? and reluctantly does the other the favor. One does not want to be selfish or cold-hearted. Try to deal with guilty feelings. They arise when others demand something that contradicts our own needs and desires. Nobody can force you to value the interests of others more than your own. If you do not want something, you can feel guilty without "falling over". The feelings then disappear by themselves.
Do not overwhelm yourself
As a loyal friend, loyal colleague or loving daughter we often claim to be available for any kind of request. Nobody can do that. We all have our strengths? but there are also things we can not do well. And in that we are no help to others. There is no point in dragging moving boxes if you had a herniated disc the other day. And why should you just introduce the colleague in the new PC program, although you can explain bad? Before pledging your support, consider whether the task is really suitable for you. If not, explain why you say no and what you like to do instead.
Address the right ones
Conversely, if you need help yourself, consider the opportunities and capabilities of those who ask. Who chooses the wrong ones, is easily disappointed. So do not expect sympathy from people who are known to be cool, and leave chaotic people out of the game if something needs to be done on time. Think about who you are most likely to get what you want. The targeted approach also has the advantage that your helpers will even be particularly involved. Because everyone likes to do what he is good at.
To demand something in return Some people are a bit insensitive. They lack the sense of when it is time to give something back. Instead of annoying yourself, just say: "I always like to listen to you, but when I told you the other day about my anger in the job, you just changed the subject, so I was disappointed." Or you just call your conditions: "Okay, on Thursday I'll pick you up from the office, then we can talk about everything, but soon it will be about me."
Check relationships
Some do not do anything for others, although they could. They only contact each other for a specific reason or if they want something. If someone needs help, they always find a reason to refuse the request.If you have such a person around you, consider: Is he so important to you, do you find him so lovable or interesting that you want to cling to him? Then take him in the future, as he is, without expecting anything. But if you feel like being exploited, do not invest too much in contact. It's better for people who appreciate it.
Recommended reading Eva Wlodarek: "Because you are worth it - gaining security and strength", 184 pages, 8.95 euros, Fischer TB More on "Too much care" on the homepage of Eva Wlodarek.
