Ex-prostitute Ilan Stephani: "Men are getting more frustrated than they came"
It's very different from what you would expect a whore to do: a good-by-the-moment girl with the best grades that never had anything to do with drugs. Nevertheless, Ilan Stephani worked for two years in a Berlin brothel. Voluntary, because she did not want to be a boring student. Now she has written a book about it. In an interview with Barbara.de she talks about why men are sorry for her, she never found sex with strangers disgusting and she eventually did not want to be a whore anymore.
BARBARA: How did it happen that you worked in the puff?
Ilan Stephani: I was already a feminist at school and I'm very sure that prostitution is patriarchal violence, a purchased rape. That's why I was against it. During this time I have also read in several of the writings of Alice Schwarzer of the whoring organization Hydra. When I moved to Berlin, I was curious to know the "enemy". There I was surprised: I thought at first, there were no prostitutes present, but I just did not recognize them, because all were just like me.
Why did you really want to try it yourself?
I just love being in contact with people. As a daughter from a good family, I was tempted to blow up the cage, I wanted to break out. I had good grades, I studied Philosophy and Cultural Studies, but I did not want this ready-made path for myself. I did not want to be a boring student. The puff was a way for me to get to know other facets of myself. I accept a lot for my curiosity.
But why did it have to be paid sex to break out? There would have been other possibilities ...
I think many people want to rebel. For example, I've never had anything to do with drugs, that did not interest me. I, on the other hand, have had a lot of relationships with women who have considered what they can do to shock. My friends were not so surprised, but more interested than I told them about it.
"I never saw myself as a fallen girl"
Did you never find it strange to sleep with strangers?
no, I'm sorry (she laughs)"I'm often asked that, but I never thought that was strange or disgusting. I never felt like a fallen girl either. I chose it myself.
You write in your book that most of the men were very nice to you?
Yes, that was the case and it is important for me to say that. The stereotype is that Free Monsters are. I really did not experience that. Men who go into the puff do not all want to do something cruel, they just look just like out there.
You write that men can only be sorry for one. Why?
In our society, men and women generally do not learn what good sex is. They are very tense. I have also experienced in the Puff, the men do not dare to make loud noises, can not relax, that you can even laugh. Sex is a secretive and very serious matter. Men suffer a lot from being suspicious of women because there is violence against women since patriarchy began. I believe that men really want to make women happy with their penis. It is a misunderstanding: In essence, women and men fit together well, and this is exactly what the men are looking for in prostitutes.
"Prostitution is a dead end"
But the prostitute only plays something ...
Of course, that is not a solution, but a dead end because the prostitute only confirms it because it is paid for it. That's why men go away more frustrated than they come. They are just a bit sedated after orgasm. They are less aware of how helpless, helpless and unhappy they are.
Are German men more unhappy than others?
No, that is a western cultural phenomenon. All societies that think that you can buy the things of life, learn on a weekend or get in the puff are basically rather unhappy. All affluent societies are naive in this regard. All peoples who are more in tune with nature have better maps. You need patience for love and good sex. We would need more humility and would have to practice for a few years. I also criticize the attitude of consumption, that you have to go somewhere fast, so that someone pulls you down. It's all about money.
Speaking of money? Do men often pay to talk first of all?
I've talked to everyone, everybody, conversation, and social interaction has been integral to me. Not only many people really want to talk, but they also want to talk. It does not always have to be penetration. Much was different, as one imagines.It's not just about the suitor fucking the whore.
"I only worked with women who were voluntary whores"
How did your parents react when you told them about your job?
They were surprised and worried, they had many questions. I explained a lot to them so that they could calm down after learning. But they made it very clear that I am and will remain their daughter? and can live as I would like.
You could choose it yourself. This is not all women so ...
Of course, there is also forced prostitution. I find the idea terrible that women who are forced to have contact with ten, fifteen men a day, who could also look exactly and help. Who could go to the police and save women's lives, but they are cowardly and would rather look away. These are two different things for me though. I myself only worked with women who were voluntary whores. I did not have any contact with women being forced into prostitution. Since the house ladies in our brothel have paid a lot of attention and also protected us.
For the most part, your experience was positive. But not only. What bad experiences did you do?
Yes, there were several negative encounters. One was particularly bad, because the man was just an asshole and took advantage of taking women by surprise. He touched me brutally. The problem was that I did not stop in time because I did not learn it as a kid. We have to teach our daughters to say 'no'. And before we teach him to look good and be sexy. It is important that women can set sexual boundaries. We all have to rethink. Women should decouple their self-esteem from how they affect men. Men are fixated on sex instead of loving it. They are much whiner than women, they are intimidated faster and overwhelmed. They want to be confirmed by sex not questioned. Women are braver. They just have to learn that they are equal to men when they fight back. Also physically.
You never felt like a victim?
No. The man was only accompanied by women in our pouf. We could always refuse if someone did not like us. The man had to leave the leadership in our puff women, he followed me as a whore rather. Of course there were moments of uncertainty just before I saw a new customer for the first time? it could have been my neighbor. But I never really worried.
Why did you finally stop?
Because I had a sexual awakening experience at a women's workshop where we explored the G-Spot. After that I knew that I can not go back to the puff. I stopped very quickly then. Today I am a body therapist and work especially with women.
© Ilan Stephani / PrivateIlan Stephani was born in Berlin in 1986 and grew up in Lower Saxony. During her studies she discovered through the prostitute organization Hydra the possibility to collect sexual experiences outside of their civil origin. Today she works as a body therapist and author. Her book ? Dear and expensive. What I learned about life in the puff? has been published by Ecowin Verlag and costs 20 euros.
Photo: PR
