society
May 8, 2024

I'm homeless - and nobody knows

I have consciously decided for this life: It is my Way of St. James

After losing my apartment, I slept in my car, a Fiat 500 convertible. But without a permanent residence no approval, without registration no car. So I rolled out my mat under the open sky until a friend lent me a car trailer with tarpaulin for a while. At the moment I stay with acquaintances and sleep on the couch. My situation was not planned, but nevertheless I feel that I am self-determined. And that's exactly how I try to live.

I used to work as a freelance artist and lived in a rented flat from which, due to a complicated history, I left quite suddenly. To make it short: I stood there without staying. The first few nights in my car were marked by doubts and future fears. But then I decided to make a clear cut that I find hard to explain and that many people can not understand: that was just my new life, and I deliberately did not want any state help. My homelessness is my personal Way of St. James and I will leave him in sadness. I do not have to justify that to anybody. Even my mother, who lives in another city, has accepted this.

I'm homeless, but I'm not ashamed

I do not look like most people imagine a homeless person. I do sports after getting up and wash as carefully as anyone else. My bath is a public toilet or showers in one of my homeless shelters. But the most important thing is my clothes, which I fish from used clothes containers. It often takes hours for everything to fit together: shoes, skirt, blouse, jewelry and hairstyle have to be perfectly coordinated. My hairstyle, my clothes, my make-up - these are all external features of my inner attitude. I'm homeless, but I do not have to blame myself for that. And the daily routine stops me.

I am a welcome guest in my favorite café on the Alster

I love everything that is beautiful. I would even say I love the luxury. That's why my center of life is still at the Hamburger Alster. Here I go for a walk, feed the pigeons or sit in my favorite cafe. The cappuccino is a bit expensive, but there is free Wi-Fi and it is warm. There I can spend hours looking out the window, reading or simply being part of the daily life. Most employees already know me. Nobody sends me away. On the contrary, I often get my cappuccino as a gift. I am a welcome guest there.

For other homeless people I am an exotic

Earlier, I earned some money by collecting returnable bottles. How people sometimes looked when I in a velvet skirt and lace blouse ellbogentief around them in a trash bucket around. The picture in their minds probably just did not quite fit what they saw. Gorgeous!

Today, I help out for a few euros in one of my favorite homeless shelters. At first, it was hard to win the trust of other homeless people. I am an exotic for them, not one of them. Meanwhile, the relationship has improved. They respect me and I respect them. Some women even admire my discipline or ask for my advice. I believe that people perceive me so positively has a lot to do with my well-groomed exterior.

I can shine without money - and I'm proud of that

You can do it the way you want, but we live in a superficial society. How we look in large parts determines how others react to us. Especially when you live on the street, you always come back to dangerous situations. Poor young people who block my way out of fun. Men who come to my attention at night. Then I stand up, present myself and hide my fear behind loud, clear words.

So far it has always gone well. But in the end, of course, I do not do it all for the others. Although it flatters me, if someone finds me attractive and likes to be close to me, nevertheless, I do all this especially for me. When I look in the mirror, I am very proud of myself. I can shine without money, I know that. And I'll let me know what the future will bring.