Do you pass the single driving license?
When I think of a really successful relationship, when I think about how beautiful it can be, I have a very specific image in my head: two people who fall around their necks. Her embrace is peppy, strong and light at the same time, like a particularly beautiful moment in a dance. It does not matter if they are happy or sad, whether they are happy to see each other, or say goodbye. The key is that the movement is right. That the two hold each other, but not hold on to each other. That they are independent of each other and could also be wonderfully alone. That they stand together just because they want it.
When I realize that I am forgetting this image, when my claim to love in everyday life threatens to sink, I choose a simple means to get myself back on track: I take a walk and frighten me briefly by I look at couples, whom one immediately sees that they do not run smoothly. That there is a certain imbalance. To whom the word "power relation" is tattooed on the forehead. There are women, for example, who would rather not do or say anything in the fear of not doing or saying anything wrong. Trail women spreading a sad passive-aggressive mood. Or these men, who keep babbling and sucking on their wives and not taking their eyes off them for a second because they know: she's stronger than me, and if I let her go for a moment, she'll cut me off.
What distinguishes independents from dependents?
All these people with whom you can not date any more once they are with someone. Because they are sure they would not be able to stand alone anymore. They know this so well, because they could not do it themselves, with being alone. I always wonder how love can take it when there's always such a vague fear in the baggage - and the lousy feeling that the other is stronger or weaker than you are. If somebody somehow sticks to your leg. And when both are full of expectations of others that no one can fulfill. That can not feel good. At some point, such a couple can not stand it anymore. This emotional limp. And then not a leg breaks, but love. Ouch.
How is it that some people in a relationship can stand on their own feet while others can not? What distinguishes independents from dependents? I believe that only then will a person be able to experience a happy love, a relationship at eye level, a story that is voluntary, when he knows that he can be happy without the love of another. If he has lived alone for a long time and did not think it was that bad, rather pretty good. That means: only a good single is a good partner. A good single is not someone who lived off everything between two love stories for half a year. A good single is someone who feels alone as an important part of life. Someone who lives alone for years, for example, but still does not believe that something is missing. Someone who takes an intense and passionate approach to his life without ever consuming himself for love. Someone who pulls his self-esteem out of himself. I am sure that if more lovers were good singles, love would be a better place.
And now the exams
That's why I advocate a single driver's license: Anyone who wants to have a serious relationship with another must have proven in advance that he can live well on his own. The tests that would be taken for the license would be just what singles have to master every day. Drink coffee alone in the morning, look out the window and look forward to the day (even on weekends!). Do not choke the car when starting. Going to work alone, coming home alone, then being alone there and not finding it strange. Always keep the track. Caring for yourself, caring well, both financially and emotionally. The cart is well insured. On the weekend to be arranged with couples and families. Approach the mountain. Going on vacation alone and not getting bored. Driving on the mountain at black ice. To be asked again and again, whether one is not sad, so alone. Parking backwards. And where it hooks. Why one is still alone at all. Park backwards in flowing traffic. Then answer: it does not hook. Being alone is great and is good for my heart. While laughing. Park with a Mercedes E-class estate car totally relaxed, backwards in the flowing traffic. In general: laugh a lot. Important. Laugh at yourself. Drink alone for one night and remember with pleasure for years afterwards.To have respect for oneself. Cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, showering, shaving his legs, painting his toenails. Enjoy Saturday lunchtime that there are still one and a half days ahead of you with no one but yourself and a good book.
Yes, the single driving license is demanding. You have to practice for a while for that. But it's worth it: Because someone who can do all that, is the perfect person for love. He knows what he did for her. He will choose them carefully and not stifle them in exaggerated expectations or cowardly dependencies. He can handle the gear shift easily, and when he gets stuck in a traffic jam, he does not panic. If two people with single driving license fall in love and try each other, that usually results in a one-a-pair. Tall, happy, and not exposed to the constant danger of broken love axis because of unbalanced power relations.
