Corinne's Marriage: "I should hate him"
I was married to a man for 13 years, whom I never loved, but never really thought about it: it was just that. Today I think I should never have marryed him, because he showed his outrage even before marriage. But somehow I thought: "That will be all!"
Nix was - he was extremely jealous, which meant that I had no friends at some point. Also, I had no desire to go to any festivals with him, for fear that I could talk to someone for his taste too long with someone and then at home again hell on earth. Because especially when he had drunk alcohol, he liked to rest. This led to the point that he hit my head in a disk and I still have an ugly scar on my temple. Instead of displaying it, I covered this act out of my own shame and said that I had slipped!
He always talked to me about such attacks, it was my own fault. Had I not done or said this and that, it would not have come to that. The bad thing: when you have no friends left and no one to talk to about it - you believe it!
He told me I was fat and ugly
Likewise, he always told me I was fat and ugly and that I would never have another man anyway. If you hear such things for ten years, you believe that too. Not understandable for me today, because today I know that I am a pretty and erotic woman. He just wanted to scare me and hold me.
He lied to me, cheated and even beat me all these years - and did not even stop when the kids were watching. I wanted to get away, but I did not know how.
My decision: I'm leaving
At some point I started to work again and realized that things were different with other people than with us. He had a girlfriend again and I realized that I did not mind at all. I thought, "You're only 33. Want to spend your life by the side of a man who means nothing to you? No, everything is better than this, not even house, kids, car, and certainly not people!" From there, my decision was clear: I'm leaving.
I put it into action as soon as possible, because I had to - who knows what else would have happened. He often threatened me, he killed himself or me. I have regretted many things in my life, but never that I have finished my marriage, because I was never happy.
I would have to hate him, but I just despise him
Even though it was and still is a rocky road, even though it was already six years ago - these years have shaped me. I still have problems with compliments or closeness today. But one thing I will never do again my whole life: make me dependent on a man. When I'm with someone, it's because I want it, not because I have to! And without respect and respect, nothing works.
Meanwhile, I understand (probably because of the children who should suffer as little as possible) again reasonably well with my ex-husband. After all, there are two things to everything, and I've had too much to please too long. I would have to hate him for what he did to me, but I just despise him. Actually, he is a poor worm.
