Children or career? Nine reviews
Top job and kids - the debate has rekindled.
Can mothers really get involved at the top? This topic is again passionately discussed. The debate has sparked Anne-Marie Slaughter. The 53-year-old dropped her job after two years as the first chief of the planning staff of US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, because she wanted to be more with her sons again. Now a professor at an elite university, she recently wrote an article in the Atlantic magazine about women still not having "everything" ("Why women still can not have it all"). The reactions were intense. Some women breathed in public, others accused Slaughter of "betrayal." The Facebook boss Sheryl Sandberg could be summed up with a completely different advice: "Let the gas pedal always pushed down to the ground." And Yahoo just got the pregnant Marissa Mayer on the executive chair. In Germany, too, there is intense discussion. Nine women and their experiences.
"It should mean: parents can not have everything"
© NDRGabi Bauer, 49, moderates the ARD "night magazine" and has eleven-year-old twins. Not bad: An extremely successful, highly qualified professor opens the debate. Maybe that brings us from the usual black and white ("detached housewife" versus "overburdened career mother") to the gray tones that really portray life! And it goes without saying that this was obviously not a "mothers" decision. The Slaughters are a pair of professors. He was temporarily mainly responsible for the children. Now they share the task again. So what? My husband and I have made the same decision. First I renounced - years ago on the ARD "Tagesthemen". Later he gave up his editor-in-chief post in Berlin, so that the family does not live constantly separated. The debate would be meaningful under the title "Parents still can not have it all". Unless, of course, they are ready to be constantly energized and functioning. But men and women decide today together. And both models of life should respect a modern society.
"The question remains whether the child is really feeling well"
© Roland HornHildegard Müller, 45, is chairman of the board of directors of the Federal Association of the Energy and Water Industries and has a five-year-old daughter.
I know from personal experience that child and leadership are often very difficult to reconcile. How should one manage working hours until late in the evening, business trips or short-term appointments with a child? Smooth childcare often requires tremendous logistics, which is almost impossible without private solutions. And there is always the question in the back of the head, if the child is doing well.
Incidentally, it is a scandal that makes it more difficult for many women to take the step into management positions that handcrafted services are more tax-deductible than childcare costs.
"This is the fight of our generation"
Andrea Nahles, 42, general secretary of the SPD, has a daughter, 19 months old.
I fundamentally disagree with the thesis that top careers and children do not work together for women. Of course it is always a balancing act that we have to deal with. He is not possible without good state support on the one hand or active help from the family on the other hand. But: this is our fight. The fight of my generation of women. Much has already been done by our mothers, now it is up to us. So do not throw in the towel, ladies!
"The question leads in the wrong direction"
© von MannsteinKatja Suding, 36, is the leader of the FDP faction in the Hamburg Parliament and has two sons at the age of eight and ten years.
Can mothers have everything? I think the question already leads in the wrong direction. Because for parents in general applies: Who works 60 hours and more per week, can not spend the whole day with the children. For me personally, but that is not crucial. Because it's about quality, not quantity: I want to take care of my children. Of course it is not always easy to combine work and motherhood. Sometimes I wish to be able to share more in the life of my sons. The bottom line is that I can reconcile my job with my family because I can mostly divide my own time. So I am usually able to attend school feasts, performances and children's birthday parties or stay home when a child is ill.
"I chose the right path for me"
© Thomas OllendorfMarion Schick, 53, is the Chief Human Resources Officer of Deutsche Telekom AG and has two children, 16 and 20 years old.
To agree on top jobs and children demands a lot from everyone involved. For example, if on Sunday evening the childminder called and got sick for the whole week, I sometimes wondered if I would do me a favor with this double burden. But I know: I chose the right path for me. But even if women get off because of their children, that deserves respect. I think companies need to react more flexibly to such entrances and exits - by women or men. Then such a step could also usher in a new career.
"Satisfied parents are good parents"
Ursula von der Leyen, 53, is Federal Minister of Labor and Social Affairs and has seven children, 12, 14, 18 (twins), 20, 22 and 24 years old.
Every woman has to decide that for herself. My husband and I both took the medical profession and wished us many children. We both wanted both, career and children. In everyday life that meant: time I put back, sometimes my husband. And we worked a lot. At home and in the job. But we also won a lot. The shared experience of joy and frustration with the children, the common understanding of ups and downs in everyday working life and the feeling of being together on the way. Do not leave anything behind. Having both means years of limitation for us. Cancel evening events. No appointments at the weekend. Holidays on the alpine pasture. The hardest thing is to fight together for two more hours. It is hard to beat but it is a source of luck. My conclusion: It is crucial that the parents are satisfied with their life situation, then they are good parents.
"You need a foolish coat"
© ImagoDörte Spengler-Ahrens, 41, Managing Director of the agency Jung von Matt, has a nine-year-old son.
I have personally experienced that women with children and careers pay a high price. This means not only the expensive child care, but also the "dent" in the career, which arises during the intensive toddler time and later ironed out again. I've been doing "inside sales" for a few years in our agency just so we do not have to travel so much. Now my career is back to full - with the working time around the nuclear family time around. This works very well. But you absolutely need loyal support from your own husband and your own child. Basically, a career-oriented mother fights on two fronts: a hard (job) and a soft (environmental reaction). You really need a fake coat to defy the constant comments - "Is it really worth it?", "I took time for my child" - to defy and continue on his way.
"I think the debate is important"
Julia Jäkel, 40, is on the board of Gruner + Jahr and has four-month-old twins.
The debate that Anne-Marie Slaughter has triggered is important to me. She has quit one of the most eminent jobs to be "at home": not as a housewife and mother, but to take on another demanding job that gives her more flexibility - for the family. I feel an ambivalence in me: On the one hand, I experience every day that I have to really want a job next to children. Otherwise I will not accept the effort. Yes, and many women shy away from this effort. It is annoying that some women do not openly express this true reason. On the other hand, the elegant thesis "You can have it all" does not yet apply to our society. We women often have to make great sacrifices. Slaughter is quite right: There are activities that make it impossible for a mother to care enough for her children, simply because of the time organization or traveling. In my position I dare to do this - but only because I have "happy" circumstances: A man who helps with. An environment that offers me help. And a modern company. What bothers me enormously is that women who choose not to work are not well respected. And mothers who are about to return to work are also looked at as bad. If I reap the compassionate look, especially from a man, like, "Oh, poor one, do you really want to do this to yourself and your children?" I go to his throat!
"It works, but there's no 'me-time' anymore"
Anita Tillmann, 39, owner and managing director of the fashion fair Premium Exhibitions, The Station Berlin and F95 The Fashion Store, has four-and-a-half-year-old twins.
The statement "having everything" arises from a subjective perception. For me, my company and my professional goals are part of my self-realization. At the same time, I am a passionate mother. I can not imagine one without the other. My luck is that I have a great team and a strong social network. It is important to spend quality time exclusively with the children. So: It works, but there's no "me-time" since then. But you just have to cut corners somewhere.
Too little time for the family: why Anne-Marie Slaughter gave up her top job
Can mothers not do top jobs? Anne-Marie Slaughter outraged with her essay Feminists
© Imago
A comment by ChroniquesDuVasteMonde editor Claudia Kirsch
She did it. Anne-Marie Slaughter, 53, had given up her job as Secretary of Planning for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton because she wanted more time for her two pubescent sons. The eldest went on strike at the school and refused to talk, Slaughter could no longer bear her guilty conscience. A private decision. Until she told a friend that she wanted to go public. She was horrified and would have liked to give her a muzzle. Give up the job? OK. But write about it? Not that it would discourage the young women.
Anne-Marie Slaughter was unstoppable. She justified her move in an emotional essay in The Atlantic magazine. The article "Why women still can not have everything" hits a nerve, as shown by the fierce debate that has been raging worldwide since its release. The feminists feel betrayed, only mothers confirmed and young women relieved.
What did Slaughter actually say? She laments the impossibility of arranging a top job and children. Understandably, if, like her, a workweek begins on Mondays at 4:20 am and ends on Friday night, time for the children remains only on weekends. But it is absurd to conclude from these personal experiences in an extreme job that career and children are basically mutually exclusive. Very few jobs require so much time-consuming work as a planning boss. Yes, it's true: Almost all working mothers fight for their work-life balance. And for many, it's a tough fight. But no one has a job like Slaughter. That is why it is misleading for the author to generalize her very personal experiences and to pretend that no woman can do it simply because she has not made it.
Annoying that a woman - who incidentally has resumed her former professorship, so continue to combine careers and children - takes the courage of young women. And there is the right that women with career ambitions call raven mothers. It ignites the old either-or-debate that we had long since overcome. But it is quite simple: We need conditions that allow every woman to have everything. And then the decision lies with her.
