A fire, a kiss and a lot of AWWW! This Bachelor's degree went up to the mental pain threshold

Say, can you tell the candidates apart? I thought, after the first episode it would be better, but piss cake! The blond Flitzpiepen are as distinctive as their names. I just say: Janina, Janina Celine, Janine Christin, Lina, Alina, Kristina, Carina ... Who should keep the overview? You could not even sort the blondie crowd by their intelligence quotient. It only starts at zero!

That's why we prefer to talk about the man of the evening, the Bachelor, the Völzi. (As the saying goes: Among the blind is the one-eyed king.) Or in the Bachelor Spech: Under the Dumpfbacken aka the Blondis is the Pappnase the slightest evil!)

Before he swings himself like Popeye for arms on his little boat, to sail to the girls, it's only once again in the pool. Of course in slow motion! And there he swims and strokes his wet hair out of his face, only to stare in a dreamy way into the camera and how often he has been hurt. (Aaarmer, aarmer Völzi! But do not worry, RTL is already looking for an accompaniment for the red carpet of the village disco.) Have a little patience, WE'LL HAVE TO THROUGH YOU!

Speaking of hurt. I've had such an unpleasant beeping in my ear since last night. This may be due to the permanent circling of the buckles. A house - AWWW! A pool ? AWWW! The sun ? AWWW! So much straw? AWWW! "Oh my god, how beautiful", "I'm excited", "Oh my god, that's awesome." AWWW! Already clear that the girls rave about the villa here, right?

"If you are interested, I once had breast implants!"

The Völzi and Carina talk about the really important things in life. Breast implants.

The Völzi but has planned the big performance, as he has brought Svenja to the boat to spend the first individual with her. And what can I say: It was soooo romantic. NOT! The emotional ice age then reaches its peak when Svenja admits she has never had a strong relationship.

Great! What should the bachelor do with her now? He finally seeks the great, true love (Bla Bla) and a stable relationship for eternity (Bla Bla). But whatever. Here at RTL you have to take what you can get. Evidently the Völzi understood this, too (good Daniel, you read your contract well, Braaaav!) And describes Svenja as follows: (Attention, now we are witnessing his incredibly high literary effusions) on a scale of 1 to 10: The fire is ablaze.? Well, did I promise too much?

So? and now imagine how blazing the fire of the Bätschis must have been when Svenja suddenly found himself stuck during her paddling trip: "If you're interested I had breast implants!" BÄM! So real professionals flirt! To tell the story, by the way: Svenja has had her implants removed because they did not fit her. Something similar probably happened with her brain implants ...

But enough blasphemed (Ha ha- joke!). The Svenja thought the date was "nice, so nice and weird, there's a cheesy kind of romance and a nice kind of romance, and I thought that was romantic." How about that with the brain implants? Luckily, a sudden stop It is raining down this tragedy, and Svenja is allowed to go back to the girls' villa, where she is, of course, receiving a screaming scream AWWWW!

And me: AWWW! I will never release this tinnitus again!

At Speed Dating Kristina wants to score with her charm. (Or so!)

It goes on with date number 2. Instead of a Bötchens the Völzi meets his blondes this time on a tourist bus to get to know them better in the course of a speed dating. And what should I say? The Määädels take their chance. For example, Maike rattles down her CV. "I'm Maike, 26 years old, I'm from Cologne, I've learned a nurse, but I'm currently working on a bachelor thesis." And there's nothing and nothing and nothing and Bla Bla Bla. Over and out! But one more thing: Dear Maike, you know that your participation in the Bachelor's is not a job, is it? You will not get a certificate or something in the end. #Justsayin

Another blonde (Sorry, I forgot the name here) is there already skillful on the way and goes directly to the attack. "I do not like a person wearing the pants." So, friends, and now comes the great moment of the Bätschis, in which he shows everyone what his Flirt course at the Volkshochschule has taught him. "And what if the person does not wear pants?" Babäm! You bit, Völzi! (You have to praise the children every now and then.Even if they have given total shit. We must not forget that he has been injured so many times. * Sniff *)

THIS kiss brings not only the bachelor in flushes

James Bond aka Völzi in his element.

The real highlight of the evening, the hard-working editors of RTL but of course have saved up to the end. Date number 3 arrives and the Völzi invites you to the photo shoot. Famous movie scenes are to be readjusted and I honestly do not know what is more embarrassing. The Batchi and his Flitzpiepe entourage or the explanation I have to give to my doctor because my retina has detached itself after these scenes.

Oh no, there was something more embarrassing that even outshines my eye problems. And the kiss with Janina Celine. And I'm talking about the kiss here. A kiss so blatant that Janina Celine had to tell everyone immediately.

To explain: This kiss was so passionate that in every elementary school there is more action. But good!

Janina Celine smacks the bachelor. Or so. Ok, not really!

Nevertheless, this innocent bastard is causing so much stinking among the blondes that the Völzi on the night of the roses seriously considering how to handle it. (Do you remember your kindergarten time when you played with your best friends with building blocks or were you fiddling on the jungle gym? Well, when I look at the theater at the Bachelor's level, we were really very grown-up.)

Anyway, everyone gets a rose, except the one with the brown hair and the sequined dress and the one with the red dress - sorry, I do not know what they were called either. I also could not remember seeing this Clarissa before. Anyway, that's who volunteered because she did not feel like moving to Miami if she fell madly in love with the Völzi. Aha! OK. Bye!

Like right now!? Amarula had to graduate in Bachelor.

What else I have to get rid of. Have you noticed that Amarula is no longer the advertising partner of the Bachelor? STOP THE PRESS! I fell from the clouds when the girls suddenly unpacked the Batida de Coco bottles and savored them "so tasty", "that's so good" or "Tasty! Tasty!" have called. (Maybe a neon sign should flash over them soon, or they'll be wearing Batida de Coco shirts right away.)

Well, things are there! I do not know if that was so smart. The Bachelor without Amarula? How can this work? (Not at all! All right!)

In this sense: Until next week, I have now an ophthalmologist appointment.