Why mistrust in the partnership brings us further

Trust is the soil that is needed for love to grow

Hey, we had a really good time in the last weeks. We did a lot together, at the weekend we were together in a hotel by the sea. We had it really nice together, "says Karla and looks at Liese, who shrugs his shoulders slightly, looks away for a moment," Yes, it was really beautiful by the sea, "she says, keeping silent, an eloquent silence If they really would say what their dialogue is about, then it sounds like this:

Karla: "Please trust me again!"

Liese: "I can not do that, I'm hurt and suspicious."

is the soil needed for love to grow. Trust means: I can count on you to be there for me and to stay; that you will not do anything that destroys our love. We want to be able to trust each other one hundred percent to feel completely safe.

Blind trust is not a good idea in any phase of love

And because we want it so much, we often just pretend that it is truly possible. We trust each other blindly. Clear all doubts and create the illusion of complete security. We surround ourselves with the cuddly feeling of blind trust in the others. But in truth, we only protect ourselves from our fear of losing others. But at some point, the moment comes when this illusion bursts. As with Liese and Karla. On one of her many business trips Karla had fallen in love. Supposedly, as the saying goes, "nothing happened". Apart from the fact that this world collapsed.

Suspicious is only who has the desire to be able to trust

Oskar Holzberg, 61, has been married for 30 years. For 20 years the psychologist advises couples. He found that some sentences apply to all relationships. In each ChroniquesDuVasteMonde he introduces one of them.

Liese full of pain and anger, closed to Karla. She was suddenly unsure if she wanted to continue the relationship. Karla, sensing this, tried everything to prove her love for Liese. she begged and cursed that Liese should trust her again. But as much as she tried - Liese remained suspicious.

And Liese is right. Not in the sense that Karla is untrustworthy. But because Liese needs her own mistrust in order to be able to trust again someday. She needs to rediscover her sense of partnership. Her mistrust gives her the opportunity to stay in touch with the partner and not have to completely withdraw from Karla. Because: With a suspicious look I can look at the other distanced.

Trust can grow again. For the partner, again, it means being able to withstand this mistrust. Which, paradoxically, is also a vote of confidence: "I trust you that you want to trust me again." The chances are good. Because suspicious is only who has the desire to be able to trust.

Blind faith is not a good idea at any stage of a love, even when our emotions are in it. A seeing trust is better. How often do partners realize after a breach of trust that they have noticed the signs for a long time, but ignored them in order not to have to leave the beautiful illusion of blind trust. Mistrust is a friend who wants to lead us to trust.