When men cheat online
Nicole can still remember the moment when her previous world collapsed. The world with her husband Rainer, who had a second on the internet? as "James Dean" in the brokerage Finya. Finya is the place where singles come together, but that did not bother James Dean. Here he could again be unmarried and childless - and very "adventurous". At least that's how he described himself. A game of infidelity.
I thought, I fall into the bottomless.
"I thought I was going downhill, and I found out that Rainer had been in contact with several dozen women on the internet for over three years, and he made regular phone calls with some of them, and he also met a woman" real "and supposedly just smooched for me The fraud began when he secretly earned a profile and denied his family, "says 40-year-old Nicole. Numbers, how many people in addition to their partnerships on the Internet looking for affairs, there is not. That's because every man and every woman defines "infidelity" differently. Porn, a secret contact, a flirt, kisses, a meeting with sex - when does loyalty ends, when does infidelity begin?
More and more people use the Internet to make friends, partners for life or sex without commitment. According to a BITKOM survey from March 2009, the German Association for Information Technology, Telecommunications and New Media e.V., already 53 percent of all Internet users have met people in communities or forums. For most of them, these are pure friendships, but for some of them, more is said to be.
The internet promotes contacts, but not infidelity
So seduces the Internet with all its contact ways to infidelity? Graduate psychologist Christiane Eichenberg sees this skeptically. She does research at the University of Cologne on net-based communication, social relations in the internet and sex in the net. "The internet does not cause any infidelity in itself, but rather behind unfulfilled desires or unresolved conflicts in the partnership, which has also existed before the internet, and the general trend that many people in relationships feel they have one more could give a better partner for them. "
An affair is much easier to organize through the internet. Infidelity among friends or colleagues can be very easy. But in chatrooms, dating sites or portals of infidelity, you can have affairs that are hundreds of miles away from your own home and do not affect your own social environment. People meet in the internet and meet once a month, for example, "explains Christiane Eichenberg.
Mails with clearly sexual content
Nicole had not known anything until the friend of one of the women with whom her husband had contact wrote her an e-mail. He had searched his girlfriend's email slot, found some clues, and sent the "infidelity" emails to Nicole.
Suddenly there was only anger, disappointment a little bit disgusting, we just can not figure out this situation, so we've been looking for therapeutic help, "Nicole says the first time after.
Control creates no confidence.
Separate or not separate, find each other again with help from others or create it yourself? Questions that every part of a couple has to answer for themselves and each other after such an incident. "But for any partnership, control does not create trust, couples must try to understand each other again, to get back together and try to explore the conflicts that have caused the unfaithfulness," advises Christiane Eichenberg.
"It's important today to include the Internet in the partnership, define rules for the net, where does infidelity begin for you, chat, social networking, or real sex meetings - all of which you should address in your relationship, including porn "It used to be videos, today you can find them on the internet, act out what's okay with you both."
Even Nicole has not separated from Rainer, even if that was very difficult. He said that chatting about sex was an outlet for him to relieve stress. He will have to learn to do it in a different way. He tries hard to save our relationship. And I need time to process the whole thing?
