When I once had big breasts - an experiment
My new breasts come in a discreet gray box: two peach-colored ostrich eggs on a plastic holster. Cup D (XL), 1000 g, drop-shaped? is on the delivery note. The two are made of silicone, look pretty real? and are therefore a bit scary. A bra made of transparent plastic straps should prevent the parts from wandering when worn. I raise the two surprise bags. They are shaking. Me too: The material is still ice cold from the transport and feels like jelly.
As a girl, I was convinced that one day I would have a bosom. Maybe not 1000 grams and XL, but already M or L. But something came in between. At 13, my breasts began to round, but stopped immediately. While my girlfriends shamelessly slipped into their bras after the swimming lessons, I was convinced that my body was still developing. That was part of becoming a woman. But puberty passed, I grew up. And under my sweater continued to bulge little. Until today I wear cup size A? and only because it is socially unacceptable to go out without a bra. My breasts actually hold by themselves. Quote Wolfgang Joop: "A small breast resists gravity.? Today I'm happy about it. As a teenager: not so much. At parties attracted my best friend looks on? and me on my strapless top, which constantly slipped down because of lack of filling. In my twenties I kept thinking about breast enlargement. An operation seemed to me then but drastically and too expensive. Meanwhile, there are cheaper methods: the silicone bra costs 70 euros on the Internet. I ordered it to try out how life is with a big bosom. Because I'm still curious.
I fix the cushions with the plastic straps in position. Let's try rocking. Uff. A kilo of silicone strikes me against the chest. By the movement dissolves? Oops! ? the closure that is supposed to hold the breasts in place. Now they are hanging over my shoulders. I can not walk around like that. A matching bra must come from.
I visit the Berlin fashion designer Claudia Kleinert, who specializes with her shop Blush on underwear? Actually on small sizes, but who can pack filigree breasts pretty, is certainly synonymous with XL. According to statistics I belong with a small bosom to the minority, in 2015 three times more B- and C-Cups were bought in Germany than A-Cups. Even D is in demand almost twice as often. My newly acquired 70 D are actually no challenge for the designer. With a few fittings, we find a bra that not only completely covers the silicone pads, but also holds them in their place. Safety first.
Does the bosom also change character?
With bra, I feel much better. But what do I draw over it? "With small breasts can you carry everything," my schoolmate Regina always said, to comfort me when I lamented. She had a Barbie figure at the age of 16? and talk easily. At least that's what I thought back then. Now I understand what she meant. My beloved Schlabberpulli looks like a wool tent with D-breasts. The hip-length cardigan reaches only to the belly button, and the blouses are so taut that I'm afraid the buttons could become bullets. I do not feel sexy, but fat. Solution: a slim T-shirt and a pencil skirt. Look in the mirror: fits. Then I turn into the profile. For the first time I realize the full extent of my new bust size. Va-va-woom! Almost like Claudia Cardinale in? The Dreaded Four ?.
The woman who looks at me from the mirror looks more feminine. Also more spirited. I tentatively stretch my chin up, hands on my hips. Feels good. All Italian Diva. Does a new bosom change the character? Time for a test run. I have a date with my girlfriend Christiane for coffee. She rarely sticks with her opinion. What will she say? As it turns out in the cafe: nothing. ?Nice to see you!? She pushes me. I feel the silicone between us. Christiane does not notice. Or discretely over it. When I order, the barista keeps his eyes fixed on my face. He works hard. The four women waiting for their coffee stare at me unabashedly. I'm obviously an eye-catcher. But that does not make me more confident. My body is clearly aware of me? and always in the way. Have I just laid my bosom on the table? I was so inhibited last as a teenager. Does not Christiane notice that? "You have your hair darker, right? Looks great !? she says. The silicone bosom may not bring out my inner Italian. But on the outside it seems to rub off.
At home, I try to relax my shoulders with yoga. They are not used to the extra weight.While I make sun greetings, my husband comes into the room. He watches me for a while. Then he disappears giggling towards the kitchen. ?How nice! You noticed my breasts ?, I call after him. Is it hard to miss? He obviously finds the change just as extreme as me. Soothing. A compliment about my hair would have triggered a relationship crisis. In the evening we have dinner with friends. That I want to do the breasts, my husband shakes his head. I sit beaming at the table? Jayne Mansfield on the famous photo with Sophia Loren? Until a lettuce leaf falls from my fork and ends up on my bosom, not on my skirt as usual. My husband has to stop laughing. Otherwise: no reaction. It's probably too tricky for my friends to talk to me about it. Less restrained: the man at the next table. He's been beaming at me as if he's five years old and I'm his birthday cake since entering the room. To be hooked is actually nice. But I know what the reason is. If my real breasts attract attention, then more negative ones. At school, some boys called me, Snow White? (rhymes? No ass, no tits?). Still one of the nicer nicknames. Fieser: "Board with warts ?. Such sayings did not come only from teenagers. That's disgusting. She should let her tits do it ?, it sounded on a summer's day in a café. I was in my early twenties. The guy who pointed to my shirt was ten years older. I could not answer. No one else had anything to say about it.
Amazing is that my friend Hanne got to hear similar bad sayings. Hanne wears F-cups. During pregnancy sometimes G or H.? Stupid comments? Alright? She says. And count on: "Rock, rock, rock! Somebody probably stole balls. Give me some milk for my coffee.? While I was traveling to Paris as a teenager to find matching bras, Hanne shopped in London. Later I pushed with Wonderbras, she carried Minimizer. We both had the fear of taking off our shirts during sex.
"Does not fit you?" She says as I show her my silicone breasts. "Do I know ?, I say. But it took time to realize that. What helped? Sport: Jogging without hurts the back or men almost fall off the bike because of me (such a silicone bra is gemeingefährlich). Conversations with girlfriends (thanks, girls!). That bikini tops and bottoms are now available separately (above S, below M). Good sex. The success of Kate Moss. Actions like #shout. A great man. A wedding dress without corsage, but with spaghetti straps made of lace.
"Would you have fallen in love with me too if I had a big breast?" I ask my husband in the evening. "Sure," he says. "But also if you had bigger ears. Or blonde hair. Is always the total package.? "That's a lot smaller now," I say. Then I put the silicone pads back in the box. And feel much easier.
