Verbal Dünnschiss in the 'Bachelor in Paradise' finale! Or: "Help, my brain cell"

I've thought again: Actually, RTL has done us a great service. Instead of letting the bachelor and bachelorette Fitzpiepen on the Normalo population, the transmitter has shipped them to Ko Samui, so they can find among their peers the only true alibi love. RTL has made only one mistake: In addition to the Speedy swimwear from the children's department and the polyester dresses from the one-Euro shop, all candidates have also received a return ticket. And now at the latest after the finale of 'Bachelor in Paradise', I wonder: why do you do that !?

But as always from the beginning:

For five weeks, the cardboard noses in Paradise Hell were able to show what they have learned in terms of trash entertainment in recent years. The repertoire ranged from wet tongue playing, which gave even the hardest stomach a rodeo of the most unpleasant kind to embarrassing macho sayings that were so full of fecal expressions that many a gangster rapper howled to his mum.

But as the saying goes? Like and at the same time it joins - and in the end it's all about one thing: Who makes the best figure on the dusty red carpet of the village disco? Who is embarrassing enough to be regularly in the gossip columns? In short, who spends the all-important Dreamdate together? The contract, and thus another chance to dangle as Hohlbratzen through the German TV landscape, finally get Domenico and Evelyn, Philipp and Pam and Sebastian and Carina.

Who leaves the island as a couple?

Every 11 minutes a viola falls in love with Parship!

For all others, however, it says "Ciao, cocoa!" What a pity. At least I would have liked to see Paul giving him a compassionate rose. For this, could Viola still have a glorious future ahead? at least when Parship is so smart and makes her the new face of the campaign. "Every 11 minutes, a viola falls in love with Parship!" I bet she can do it in 9 minutes. Oh my gosh, it would be a whole new dating concept.

"Hello, is this dangerous?"

Domenico and Evelyn do not need Parship first, after all they get the first Dreamdate sponsored. Surely you've wondered where the obligatory helicopter excursion is, where the couple stares painfully into their eyes, puzzling over how happy they are? Here he is! Of course, Evelyn thinks it's mega for the time being. After she has slapped like a seal on LSD joy in the mud-knuckle, she suddenly remembers that this propeller-Schrapp-Schrapp-thing actually takes off. And since, after all, caution is the mother of the porcelain box, for safety's sake she asks the pilot again:

Evelyn: "Hello, is this dangerous?"

Pilot: "No!"

Evelyn: "So, you are a pro?"

Hach, there it is again - the perfect Evelynian English. Even if my ears bleed: I could listen to it for hours, if Domenico then shut his mouth. Because his' Sch'-Tourette hurts like a horse. In contrast, Evelyn is a bilingual language wonder. Really true!

At some point, the two finally have solid ground under their feet, only to lose it then again. When bungee jumping, they should finally come closer. This does not really work, because Evelyn has to suffer inhuman pain. First, her legs are lashed,? "Hello, it? S hurting!" ? then she also grabs the stark panic: "Help, my brain cell!" Incidentally, the emphasis here is on the singular. Brain cell. Not brain cells. As they say? Insight is the first way to recovery!

A bungee jump to happiness. Or at least behind a cushion wall

After all, Domenico is doing well. Such a jump is in the view of his beloved namely a surefire sign that you can steal horses with the person. So guys, now you know. If you want to convince a girl of you and prove to her that you are the man for life, just jump from a 50 meter high tower and - Zack! - is the thing carved.

In the horizontal, however, the date does not end for the full-time Hessen and hobby philosophers. Düdüm! Instead of having a romantic night together, Evelyn Domenico simply hauls herself onto the couch and builds a wall of cushions between them for safety. Could it be that Domenico would otherwise attack her? this sycophant!

Pam & Philipp fight against bloodthirsty elephants

Philipp and Pam are horny. Or so!

Philipp and Pam are less worried about it. Your Dreamdate takes you to a National Park? and he obviously has it in him.The would-be Hulk with the short legs is in any case very excited: "That's like Jurassic Park!" Oh yeah! I still remember the scenes where the actors were chased by tamed elephants. Krasser Streifen - I get goose bumps now, if only I think about it!

After a brief interlude with the bloodthirsty pachyderms, the two have to sail around another lap in a canoe, according to the script, before they can spend a night together. Instead of protecting themselves with pillows against possible attacks, the two would rather put their tongues straight down their necks. Philipp then floats on cloud nine. Because: "She listens to me and laughs at my jokes." Dear Philip, just buy Alexa, she can do that too.

Carina and Sebastian? Who left them on the island?

Incidentally, it will not be any better with the third and last date of the evening. Anyway, after all Sebastian alias I-don't-have-no-girlfriend and culture-phobic Carina are at work here. Let's be honest: When was the moment when all guys started to drive on Dumpback Carina? I clearly missed it. HOW COULD THAT ONLY HAPPEN ??? That makes no sense even in the embarrassing world of trash TV!

But no use, now the future jungle camp candidate has already fallen into the pool, so I have to endure the images of a dabbling in the sea Sebastians and a Carina, while rubbing her body to his, well. (Where is this party boat, if you need it?)

After the wet fumbling waits for the most unnecessary couple of the evening a dinner, especially after Carina's taste. Because how do you eat a cancer? And what is actually going on out of the mouth of the cancer? Yes, Carina, you'd rather have a doner kebab around the corner, right?

While Carina fights with the shellfish on her plate, I would like to talk about Sebastian's glasses. Which grandpa did he actually steal from his nose? Sebastian, that's a crime! And even if you should have acquired these glasses legally, you would have to prosecute you. No wonder that the spark does not skip the Dreamdate.

The all-important question. Who gets the last rose?

Everyone wants them - the ominous last rose!

And then it gets serious. Now that each couple has been allowed to spend a day with each other, they now have to decide if they will find themselves so shitty that they can endure it as a pseudo pair in at least two other RTL formats. With Domenico and Evelyn things are pretty clear pretty soon.

Domenico: "I'm in love with jewish!"

Evelyn: "Hello, do not say that, is that really true?"

Hach, is not that sweet? I almost see it before me:

'Domenico & Evelyn? the big dream wedding '

'Domenico & Evelyn become parents'

'Domenico & Evelyn will be parents again'

'Domenico & Evelyn build a house'

Pam and Philipp push the last rose too, but it gets more exciting with Sebastian and Carina. The second one does not even want Sebastian and therefore decides shortly before the award: "I will not accept the rose!" That was about 22:03 clock. At 22:07 she is in Sebastians arms and whispering: "Yes, I'll take the rose!" Jo! The K in Carina is definitely a consequence! And she's really serious: "I think I'll meet Sebastian again, but not in the near future." Man, that's already really good at those! But then two have understood the concept of the program.

By the way ...

What Carina can do, Johannesch has long been. After he was promoted from Paradise a few weeks ago, he has snatched back in the domestic Germany Yeliz. Via Instagram, the two have now at least announced that they are sooooo in love. And before you ask: Yeah, Yeliz was also on 'Bachelor in Paradise'. After pounding Bachelor Daniel Völz at the beginning of the year, she was allowed to drink the free Batida-de-Kotzo estate on Ko Samui for some time, staring around in the area like a doorman who has been petted at her feet. You and Strasschen-Johannesch? yes, madness! Hammer! Mega! SO WHAT FROM NOOOT!