There is worse than cheating? Why we should forgive a slip-up
I will never show this text to my husband, that's clear. Because of course I do not want him to go alien. For the first three years of our relationship, I swore I would kick him out immediately if he was just getting too close to another woman. I would have screamed and shouted, beaten him and never talked to him again.
At some point I relaxed
But at some point I became more relaxed. Even if he finds another woman attractive, no one takes anything away from me. Look is allowed anyway. When he came home late one night, I asked myself: What would I do if he had actually been snogged on? or worse, having slept with another. Could I forgive that? The answer was different than a few years before. It read: "I do not know". Maybe I would split up. Maybe I could forgive him. In any case, of course, I would be totally hurt first of all. That an infidelity would inevitably mean the end, I did not think anymore.
We are more than loyal
This is already some years and two children ago. We associate more than sex or loyalty. We have an infinite amount of shared experiences, our love for each other and our children. In fact, I think he would not cheat on me, he's too decent, too honest, and I'm actually convinced he loves me. But of course everyone believes that.
What I know: In this world, no relationship is eternally one hundred percent safe from shock. I could also make a mistake. A crisis at home, a glass too much, a particularly nice guy going out. The odds are tiny, but I would not want anyone to sue me immediately after nearly 20 years because I had a weak moment.
We would be stupid
I think our relationship could endure a mistake, an offense, a stupid stupidity. What she could not stand would be systematic fraud. If I knew, someone has purposely deceived me for weeks and months, lied to me and maybe even fell in love. I could almost certainly not cope and not forgive.
But an infidelity? That's not nice, it hurts, that makes a relationship in question. Nevertheless, there are worse things.
