Talking about problems with colleagues: The right measure

In the evening a letter lay on the kitchen table: "I separate from you ..." But already on the morning after the personal end of the world the working day goes on. "Are you all right?" Asks a colleague on the way to the lunch break.

Friendship among colleagues.

Nothing is good, it is howling. If the private life is in ruins, if a close relative or you yourself have got a bad diagnosis, "then distracts the work also - but most can not constantly suppress such a severe crisis and dub," says psychologist and coach Eva Wlodarek. For that reason alone, it would be advisable to in-depth inform direct supervisors and closest colleagues: "You can then better judge why someone may not be so stable and resilient at the moment, and people usually show understanding."

More should not be expected in the workplace, according to the expert. If someone seeks comfort, wants to cry out, wants to talk his grief of the soul, he is better off with relatives and friends. In general, Eva Wlodarek advises: "Before you pour out your heart to a colleague or even your boss because of private worries, consider whether you also want for the future that this person knows something so intimate in your immediate professional environment."

For many, the workplace is like a second home: They spend most of their time there, forming a community with their colleagues - on both good and bad days. The good are mostly unproblematic: If there is something to celebrate, everyone is looking forward to the drink in the office or the donated cake.

And the worse days? "It's important to weigh how much you can say and expect your colleagues," says Eva Wlodarek. Talking in the lunch break sometimes get rid of the anger about the demanding mother-in-law or the disappointment of the unreliability of the partner is usually no problem under trusted colleagues. In some industries, and especially where many young people work together, it has long been common to speak openly about something very personal: "Somebody announces in the morning when they come in: 'I'm totally exhausted, I have such stress with mine Friend, "says Eva Wlodarek. "But even in such jobs is: Please do not constantly spread relationship problems - that annoys the other with time."

"The spheres of life merge into one another: the occupation takes possession of the private, conversely, the private can not simply be removed from the job"

And colleagues may be overwhelmed listening to the same worries, no matter how legitimate and serious they may be. "The company must not become a substitute for family and friends," says consultant and coach Doris Hartmann. "If someone other than your colleagues has no one to talk to, then he lacks something essential: an intact private environment in which he is saved and gives him support in times of crisis." How people can meet the demands of their profession and their private needs and obligations in equal measure, how to make the transition from the professional to the private world and vice versa - these are essential topics in the seminars and coaching sessions of Doris Hartmann. "Today we are rarely exclusively professional or private," she says. "The areas are increasingly interlinked, the occupation takes possession of private life, conversely, the private in the profession can not just strip." Some people find it unpleasant to reveal too much of themselves when they talk about personal issues, so they keep everything to themselves if possible.

If they feel bad, these "great silence" build a kind of invisible wall around them and pull themselves together to continue working as usual. Thus, they are unnecessarily hard on themselves and also make it difficult for colleagues to deal with them, says the psychologist Wlodarek: "Who is closed as an oyster, to others is slightly scary."

But what is the right amount of openness? In case of doubt, according to the expert, the same applies as in the case of small talk: "Heavy issues such as debt, death, a disease are not for the workplace, if you have to address them, if possible give only a brief information, not go into too much detail."

Anyone who reports good experiences after their holidays or weekends will create a good mood among their colleagues. Some, however, like to agree with collective wailing on the work week. "It's a ritual with us," says a team leader who understandably wants to remain anonymous. "On Mondays at ten you meet at the coffee machine and tell us about the weekend.Unfortunately bad things in particular: the neighbor is stressful, the son gets a math five, the cat pats on the carpet. I hear every word because my door is usually open. Sometimes I go and say, Can you continue to yell elsewhere, please? Or talk about something beautiful! "

book tips

Doris Hartmann: "Course on something new in the job When we need change and how to succeed", about 240 p., 16,99 Euro, Kreuz Verlag

Eva Wlodarek: "Rules of life for more happiness and success", 224 p., 8.95 euros, Fischer TB