Love can not be managed like a company, advises the couple therapist

"Do you know what?", She finally says, "I'm damn your wife and not your receptionist!" Mr. H. looks a bit puzzled and stammers, that he never said so. But if he comes home in the evening, after he has 30 patients in three treatment rooms, and garbage bags stacked on the front door, the living room is paved with Lego bricks and his shirts are still in the laundry, then he was already irritated. Ms. H., who has a nice sense of cynicism, replies that in the evening, of course, she's just done with her endless cappuccino cups.

And not yet organized a household, argued with the plumber and supervised the homework of two unwilling school children. And I think: love is not an office. And certainly not a family. The more traditional the roles are distributed, the more Mama takes care of the house and children and Dad gets the money, the bigger the misunderstanding is for each other. But even where both work and provide household and children together, partners annoy each other because they suggest each other how to manage and organize everything better. But everyone has their own way of hanging laundry, cleaning or tidying up the bathroom we have to leave each other. And everyone finds different things important. Tidy up the children's room or go for a lantern?

Even the best relationship is and remains unpredictable botched

Oskar Holzberg is 60 years, psychologist and married for 30 years. For more than 20 years, he has been advising couples and knows the typical conflicts.

Update the drinks supply or cook off? And third - that's the key - we can not make our world of relationships efficient. In the professional world, goals are set, necessary measures are taken, processes are coordinated and results are controlled. The ubiquitous efficiency thinking is now so self-evident that we transfer it to all walks of life. "Something is wrong with your family management," said a thoroughly affectionate man to his completely exhausted wife. But what does not work is the idea that families and love relationships should be managed. Even the best relationship is and remains unpredictable botched. When the partner needs extra attention, the daughter defiantly stirs up the whole store or the son gets a fever, is not to calculate.

And if the goal is for everyone to be happy, even the very best coach will not know how to even achieve that. We are more likely to abolish our children, or at least our love for them, than to live in quality-managed relationships with TÜV certification. Anyone who doubts this and still hopes that his partnership will eventually work smoothly - and these are primarily men like Dr. med. H., who noticed in the evening what did not work during the day during her absence - I recommend to take over household and children completely for four weeks. Then it becomes clear that a family and the love that lives in it are not a company.