Sex outdoors: Help, there's something in the butt!
Outside in the open? Cracking branches under the feet and above the head a canopy of beech, alder, ash, caressed by a gentle breeze. Fresh air, rustling crowns, broken by the light of the afternoon sun. Robins are heard, wood warbler and misture thrushes. There are streams in the nature reserve, cold springs and mossy stones. And a clean butt.
He belongs to my girlfriend, who lies just in front of me, naked, between all her clothes and mine, on a checkered thermal blanket (cue bladder infection!). In addition, a picnic basket with flowered dishes, pumpernickelschnittchen, skewered fruit and vegetable snacks and one, two, three emptied piccolo vials. The mood is accordingly relaxed, the fear of being seen, flew away like a pleasurable breathed nickname in the wind.
Sex outdoors: between bush and vermin
What do you think of it when I tell you ...? ? ? Hehe.? ? Or there ...? ? ? Hui !?
I know that at this moment I should think of nothing but the fusion of two bodies. Instead, my thoughts turn to just one question: Did your thigh have a birthmark this morning? And if that little black dot is not a pigment spot, then what is it? Go closer and realize that the spot has legs, a body, but no head. He's in his leg. "Is that a tick?"
Panicked, I also look down at myself, turn and turn what I had just held expectantly in my hand, push this up and that aside like a urologist, leaning in front of it, far down to check if this sensitive area please, please, please be spared from parasitic infestation. How unsexy a man can look like? only the trees are my dumb witnesses.
Now my girlfriend turns around, asking what that should be when it's done, and at that moment, it's clear that none of us will be coping. That we quickly finish our romantic picnic and put on our clothes and pack to get a tick twee directly at the nearest pharmacy.
Sex everywhere - just not at home
Meanwhile, my girlfriend, jumping from one leg to the other and turning in circles around herself, tries to catch a glimpse of her back. Owls can do that. They do not. Meanwhile, I feel something like a phantom itch. For there is nothing to be seen, but everywhere there is a burning, tingling, biting on my skin, as if all the crawling, creeping, carnivorous creatures of the lower forest dance polka on my body. Suffice us? S.
The trip to the forest was not the first attempt to get close to a place where pillows are not shaken afterwards. We had already tried a lot. More or less planned. More or less successful. Everyone always pretends that a number is special only when it's not at home. Not in your own bed, where the philistines are doing with the wallflowers? just before sleeping and right after brushing your teeth. In retrospect, I think I have remembered to have had one or two tingling experiences outside of my own comfort zone. But that was a long time ago, I was almost a teenager or, say, just such a young man, who did not mind twisting his back in a Corsa, as long as there was something to talk about afterwards. Honestly, the story was usually better than the actual experience.
Is sex outdoors punishable?
How is it today? With 40? What is it like being a grown man doing something with an adult woman that is forbidden? I googled it?, so according to § 183a in the StGB is a criminal offense, which is punished with up to one year imprisonment or a large fine? Let's find out, my girlfriend had said. And let's not get caught doing that. A good plan.
In the whirlpool of a sauna landscape we have touched, like freshly in love teens we fumbled under the bubbles, every second anxious not to be conspicuous? which, of course, was one thing above all else: conspicuous. Nevertheless, we were on the verge of doing something that could have brought us a ban on the house. If we had not just heard a couple talk about the abundance of bacteria in the warm water of a jacuzzi. And that these can lead to itchy pimples and purulent inflamed hair follicles. Our lust was nipped in the bud. The white shark could not have killed her faster. In any case, we did not have any sex this week.
Sleeping in the cornfield?
Similarly fast was our adventure in a cornfield. This was a bit due to the worry of being chopped up by a combine harvester, a little bit on the catchy tune of Jürgen Drews: "A bed in the cornfield, that's always free ?.But most of all, it was my hay fever that caused my eyes to swell. On a stately size, which my friend hardly impressed and even less irritated, but me all the more so. The rest of the day I lay in bed with a wet rag on my face. Because it's summer, and what's up?
Two weeks later, the next attempt at camping, so in a tent, separated from the outside world only by a thin material that just barely medium-sized animals, light drizzle and fresh air from penetrating. However, the other way around does not prevent noise from getting outside.
Admittedly, it had a certain charm to suppress the excitement at least in its acoustic form. But it was not just about groaning, because everything else makes noise. Trying to get out of his pants lying dignified, for example. Or the squeaky air mattress, which was first under us, then next to us and from then on only in the way. And then this sound that comes when skin and skin meet with momentum. Believing they made a telltale noise with each of our movements, I was tormented by the idea that half a dozen campers on plastic chairs in a semicircle were sitting around our tent like they were in front of a screen in a Champions League final. Just waiting to applaud as they slobber the beer from their noses. Our game was over. No stoppage time.
Or sex in the supermarket parking lot?
The mistake, I am sure, was to have romantic sex outside of my own four walls. With champagne, blankie, flickering light. But it does not need candles, it needs relaxation. And time.
I do not think it's a coincidence that the only experience in which we had confetti in our heads was a spontaneous impulse and took place in an environment where romance did not matter at all: in the parking lot of a supermarket.
Having sex in such a place means one thing above all else: that it is urgent, must be immediate, that there is no time for a prelude? or at least to get in the car. If shopping bags fall to the ground, fruit and vegetables roll over the asphalt and only the most necessary material is pushed aside, then that's not romance, but horniness. What sounds very, very awful, yes, but also terribly great. In that moment, it was only a few seconds, it was just about the lightning strikes, to discharge, the pure satisfaction of pleasure. Far away from twittering birds and chirping crickets, this moment was probably something of a force of nature.
