Let's face it, is there life after the midlife crisis ?!
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde: Dr. med. Perrig-Chiello, is there a classic mid-life crisis ??
Pasqualina Perrig-Chiello: When you talk about a mid-life crisis, you suggest that all middle-aged people are going through a fairly uniform crisis, and it's not. But what is actually true: The life years between 40 and 50 are a crisis-prone phase for many people. And that has several causes.
Which one?
There are several processes of change that come together in the middle of life. First and foremost, of course, are the biological changes: in women, estrogen levels fall sharply, and in men, if less dramatically, testosterone. These hormonal changes trigger a lot. Women have to deal with the fact that not only the appearance changes, but also the end of their fertility is imminent or already reached. Men notice that they are not as strong as they used to be. However, biographical factors often come to these physical changes ...
... make you dissatisfied ??
The time between 40 and 50 is characterized by many responsibilities: many have family, children, they have climbed up in the hierarchy of a company and work a lot. Often, however, now there is a certain amount of obsession with roles: people have been exposed to occupational stress for so long; many women have tried for years to elegantly manage the balancing act between family and work, and often put it back. Which usually suffers the partnership in this phase of life? the most common divorce age is between 46 and 48 years. And: The midlife is also the age where many of us become aware of their own finitude. Many now see their own parents entering a state of need and need and finally dying.
That does not sound very encouraging.
The middle of life is the time of accounting? and thus also the chance to restart: You check your partnership, your job, your own demands. And most of them find that they have toiled a lot and yet have achieved only part of what they had hoped for earlier. At the same time, they feel that time is dwindling, that they no longer have all the options. And all this together? the biological changes, the biographical changes, the living conditions, the life balance? is the reason for low life satisfaction.
So, honestly, nobody gets older?
Well, these are averages, there are individual differences. And the other good message is: It will get better after that. The midlife is a transitional phase. But then the life satisfaction curve goes up again.
Whose aging is easier?
People who are not anxious about changes that are curious and open are also more relaxed during periods of upheaval. And social networks also matter, whether I can talk to friends or family about my problems. This is much more difficult for men than for women because they post crisis solutions and often do not say when something is wrong. Instead, they usually continue until they can not do more, and then come to these abrupt, completely unexpected breaks: the faithful father, who is suddenly gone. The manager who throws everything and goes to the monastery. This is much less common in women, as they are more likely to communicate and change more slowly and proactively.
But do not women still age more than men? Alone, because they are still defined much more about the youthful appearance?
Yes, society attaches very much to externalities in women. But men also suffer, especially from the loss of their capabilities, which in turn strongly define them. But, and that goes for both men and women: if we just put on the outside, then we lost. We can spice up our physical appearance a bit, for sure. But it does not release us from the task of providing mental and social development.
What does this task look like?
In all phases of upheaval, we are challenged to redefine our identity. You have to accept that you are not who you were anymore? for example, the wrinkle-free, young woman, after all men turn around. You have to get to know each other again and also like new: who am I? Where do I see myself in society? How do I see my future? And, as our studies have shown time and time again: Women in particular see a lot of profits in it. Aging offers completely new freedoms and opportunities.
Which is the biggest chance? of getting older ??
I like to quote Carl Gustav Jung, who said: You can not live the second half of life according to the model of the first one.In the first half of life you make a lot of compromises? professional, partnership, family? to anchor in society. In the middle of the day, the phase of balancing, one then realizes that, in the midst of compromises, the question remains where to stay. What dreams and ambitions you still have, that push for a breakthrough before it's too late. And this is the chance of the second half of life: to be as you really are and want to be. You do not run after any fashion anymore. You do not want to just like it anymore. It interests one less what others think about it and about it.
What role does remorse play over things you have not done? For example, regretting not having children or never having learned his dream job.?
Many are also in the middle of the world precisely because of such thoughts on the zero point of their mental condition. But from this depth, most people redefine themselves: well, some things turned out differently than I thought? But how can I make sense of the lifecycles that are yet to come? By the way, a regret about not having children comes much later, if at all, at 70. And professionally, there have never been so many options for people between 40 and 60 as today. Very many start right through this phase or start something new. I've already written post-midwifery women who said: Now I want to study what my husband has always said to me. In the second half of life old dreams get a high valence. The more you try to suppress them, the more they are there. It's better that you face them and ask realistically what's in it.
They say that both men and women become androgynous with age, that is, to conform. I immediately see the pairs in the identical functional jackets in front of me ...
This is about a psychic androgyny? and that's another good side of getting older.
Why?
In the second half of life, estrogen decreases in women, so the male hormones are more noticeable. That is, the somewhat more aggressive components in them: they become edgier, more common to their interests. For men it is the other way around: their levels of testosterone are decreasing, and the emotional, social side is more pronounced. That does not mean that people become neutral or genderless. This simply means that they have a wider range of action available to master life. It has been proven in psychology that psycho-androgynous people are very strong, stable personalities: they can assert themselves, stand up for their rights, but also show weakness and accept help. And for us psychologists, it is very nice to see how, in old age, most people break away from traditional, sometimes well-educated roles: the woman, who always wants to please; the man who must not cry and show no weakness. Getting rid of these gender roles is a great freedom of aging.
Prof. Dr. Pasqualina Perrig-Chiello, 67, is a developmental psychologist and honorary professor at the University of Bern.
You wish you more mindfulness in everyday life? With us you will find even more articles on the subject. -> Mindfulness
