Find a partner: where is the right one?
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Single for years, with a job that leaves her little time - how can a woman find a partner in the situation again?
Eva Wlodarek: I'll start with it, as she certainly does not find one.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: I did not ask you that.
Eva Wlodarek: I'll tell you anyway, because most women, when they're not young, do the same - unconsciously, of course.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Alright: How can I not find a man?
Eva Wlodarek: Quite simple: You look for yourself, but always keep in mind that it is useless. That all really good men are already taken. And the few who may just happen to be free, want a younger one anyway ...
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: All I can say is: Recently I saw a TV report about a boat tour for singles. When the reporter finally asked the participants who they would like to get to know better, a 52-year-old spontaneously named the youngest in the group. She was 36.
Eva Wlodarek: Perfect! If you remember something like this, you have the best prerequisites for not finding a husband.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: What do you mean?
Eva Wlodarek: That leads to the beliefs I just named. Of course, there are men who are not interested in same-age women. But that does not apply to everyone! You also have to give someone a chance to talk, flirt, make an appointment.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: That's what single women do. But very often it stays with this one appointment ...
Eva Wlodarek: ... and do you know what is often the reason? That one of them does not want to give the other a real chance. Women who are looking back after a long time have a tendency to mercilessly scan the potential partner. And if in the first half hour you notice something that does not fit into your own grid ...
Failed because he wears a flared blazer ...
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: ... the man has already failed them.
Eva Wlodarek: And often for a very void occasion. Because, for example, he wears a baggy jacket or - perhaps only supposedly - is less educated.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: What should the woman do? Arrange a second meeting? In the meantime, consult with some friends?
Eva Wlodarek: Oh yes - best durchschecheln the evening, analyze the man in detail. And then let the girlfriends confirm: The guy is impossible, you really want to do this to you? The ultimate tip for those who never want to fall in love again.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Maybe women have good reasons to look at a man more closely before they get back into a relationship.
Eva Wlodarek: Then you should take a closer look at these reasons. Who is divorced, who has separated or was left by the partner, of course, carries around painful experiences. And as long as they are not processed ...
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: But you can spend years working on that ...
Eva Wlodarek: That's not necessary. Suffice it to look at the relationship that still hurts the most today, from the current point of view. Wondering, why did I choose this man back then? Why did I stay with him for so long? What lessons do I draw from this, what should never happen to me again? This helps to close with the old and really open for something new.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Now I finally want to know: How do I meet a man again? I can not bake it.
Eva Wlodarek: But that's exactly what I would suggest to you if you came to the consultation with me.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Pardon me?
Eva Wlodarek: In the figurative sense, of course. I would ask you to first make a list of characteristics, characteristics and behaviors that you desire from your future partner.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: I would think of a lot ...
Eva Wlodarek: ... that would be on the list ...
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: ... but of course a lot, which I do not want by any means. And maybe even trivial.
Eva Wlodarek: The list can be any length. I would ask you to imagine living with this unknown man while writing. In all areas. For example, if you have children, it is important to you that your future partner can imagine living with children. Or take the free time: It could be that you have a hobby that you would like to share with your partner.
Find a partner: Wish list for love
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: That's how to write a wish list. And then win the man who meets the most points?
Eva Wlodarek: No.Who meets the most important points, gets a chance. If you had just written such a list, I would now ask you to go through it again and delete everything that is not indispensable to you. And so long, until only three or at most five points were left ...
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: ... the really important ones.
Eva Wlodarek: The shopping list, so to speak. It's about lifestyles. If someone still wants children, for example. It's about personality, about qualities like loyalty. Or if someone is ready to allow freedom in the partnership.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: The most beautiful list is useless if there are no men in sight.
Eva Wlodarek: You could help out and sign up for a reputable online dating agency, for example.
If you want to fall in love again, you should really be ready for something new.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: ... and get to know men who are even less likely.
Eva Wlodarek: How do you know that, if you have never tasted it? If you want to fall in love again, you should really be ready for something new. Do things differently than before, try out the unknown. While there is no guarantee, chances are increasing. A friend of mine was over 60 and had not even sent an e-mail before. Nevertheless, she has signed up for an online exchange on my advice to go online on the internet. Her son helped her. Later I learned that she now lives with her new boyfriend in southern Germany.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: Such stories always sound too good to be true. Ask a 50-, 60-year-old single-woman, when she was really in love the last time.
Eva Wlodarek: I always do that in my deliberations. For a while I gave seminars for the ChroniquesDuVasteMonde on the topic "Finding the right man". On these weekends came women who had no relationship for years. Some of them later came to me occasionally to tell them how they had done. Some have sent their wedding announcement at some point. And one of the participants wrote to me: "Imagine, I met the right person - right on Sunday, when I came home from the seminar."
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde WOMAN: I do not believe this story now.
Eva Wlodarek: I did not want to believe her either and called the woman. She then told me that the man she fell in love with belonged to her circle of acquaintances. "I just did not see him before," she said. I am sure there is the right man for every woman. She just has to recognize him.
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