Excerpt: "Feldmans Women" by Kate Christensen
Interview: Kate Christensen on her book "Feldman's Women"
Kate Christensen "Feldman's Women". (352 p., 16.95 euros, Droemer)
"I can not come for breakfast this morning," Lila said in an embarrassed tone of apology. It was Saturday morning, only half an hour before her fixed breakfast appointment. Today it was Lila's turn to visit Teddy; Teddy had just sliced fruit. The hand holding the handset was a bit sticky with the plum juice, though she had been quick to wash her hands when the phone rang.
"Are you alright?" Teddy asked. There was a brief silence at the other end of the line. "Oh yeah!" "Why can not you come then?" Another silence. "Stop being so cowardly, there's a man behind it, am I right?" "His name is Rex," said Lila, laughing briefly. "Yes, he is with me right now."
Teddy blinked in surprise. She had not really expected Rex to be with Lila, she just wanted to tease her. For some reason, she had assumed that Lila's cancellation had something to do with her grandchildren. "At your home." "Right here," says Lila. "Next to me." "You're still lying in bed?" Teddy asked, feeling a strange sensation constrict her throat. Silence again. "Well, bring it with you if you want," Teddy said. "I'd like to get to know him, and there's more than enough food to eat, I wanted to make kielbasa omelette, men love sausage, right?" Oscar at least did it. " "Thanks," said Lila, purring, Teddy would have said. "I think we're fine here, next Saturday I'll be back, I promise, no matter what." "All right," Teddy said. "I'll eat everything all by myself, Greet him from me, I guess he knows who I am."
She hung up the phone and stalked back to the kitchen. Now she was not hungry anymore. It was a hot, dull morning, and the air was as damp as a towel. The back door was open; a dull breeze brought the smell of flabby leaves. Half unconsciously, Teddy picked up an uncut plum and slowly crushed it in the way that physiotherapists advise victims of a stroke to regain strength in their hands by squeezing a rubber ball. She took a small bite, then another. The plum was not perfect, but damn near. Juice ran down her chin, but she did not bother to wipe it off. So Lila and Rex had a real affair, with all the trimmings, and judging by Lila's voice, she had been walking for more than a night. When did she plan to tell Teddy? Maybe it was unfair for Teddy to be annoyed because Lila had canceled her breakfast at the last minute because of a man, but she was upset. She did not begrudge Lila her sexual happiness, of course ... did not she? Anyway, it just seemed rude to call her half an hour before Teddy had already shopped for breakfast and was busy preparing everything.
Teddy threw the plum stone into the garden, where it disappeared in the bushes. What now? It was seven-thirty on a Saturday morning, and the whole endless day lay before her. Perhaps she felt her loneliness, which she usually had under control, so unbearable because she had adjusted to society. Normally, she had a good deal of things as a bulwark against this general kind of loneliness, including reading the New Yorker thoroughly, talking about the "town talk", film talks, playing solitaire at the kitchen table, listening to the radio, weeding to weed, or, in moments of utter despair, kill time by sorting their countless cooking recipes or piles of catalogs or papers ...
She went back to the phone, picked up the phone, and dialed Lewis? Number. He answered after the eighth ring, just as she was about to hang up. "Hello?" It sounded breathless. "Did you run?" "Teddy!" The open joy in his voice immediately cheered her up. "Hello, Lewis, Lila just put us on our Saturday breakfast meeting, I made fruit salad and walnut cake, and I have kielbasa and half a dozen eggs and fresh chives and red peppers, would you like to come over for breakfast?" "Red peppers cause indigestion in my case." "Lewis!" She laughed. "Nobody gets indigestion of it." "Bring everything over," he said. "I'll send Benny in the car. (...)
Forty minutes later, a black Lincoln Town Car drove to the side of the road in front of Teddy's house. She got in with a plastic shopping bag full of food.In the car it was air-conditioned, silent, and it smelled of leather.
"Hello, Benny," she said to Lewis's driver. Benny looked very neat as always. Today he wore a simple chauffeured cap and an orchid-yellow vest over a flesh-colored oxford shirt; his smooth rosy face was so thoroughly shaved that one had the impression that he was facing either a pre-pubertal boy or a man without a beard. The black hair on his round head had been polished to a shine with some conditioner.
"Did something earth-shattering happen that you come?" He asked in the Cockney dialect, reminiscent of a Dickensian orphan, that he had never tried to take off and adopt a more refined manner of speaking. "Is that so earth-shattering?" Teddy asked, leaning back in the leather seat and watching the run-down, wet-hot Greenpoint slip past her, the awnings of the shops - ladies' and gentlemen's barbers, florists, butchers, aluminum sidewalls, scrawny little ones Bäum, which grew out of the sidewalk. "It just happened that I had time today."
She and Benny had shared for years the tacit knowledge that a visit to Lewis was a chore to her. Lewis never visited Teddy, not, as Teddy suspected, out of snobbery about her neighborhood or the circumstances in which she lived, for Lewis was anything but a snob. The reason was that he did not want to be reminded of Oscar, although Oscar had never set foot in the house on India Street. Greenpoint had been Oscar's area, and Lewis? Feelings for Oscar when he was still alive had been complicated and at best mixed. Lewis had been Oscar's lawyer, and as such he had to accept that he was taken for granted. The great artist had treated him as a sort of receptacle for his anger and grudge against the art world. (...) And meanwhile Lewis had been more or less secretly in love with Oscar's mistress, who was also his secretary. Now that Oscar was dead, he had become a scapegoat for Lewis, his bête noir. (...)
As they drove off, she pictured Lila falling in love in her big bed next to a handsome man a few years younger, both naked. In her imagination, Lila was a white Haremssklavin, shiny, voluptuous, voluptuous. (...)
As she stepped out of the elevator, Lewis stood at the open front door. He immediately took her bags off and kissed them fervently on both cheeks. She and he were almost the same size. Like Teddy, Lewis was slim, and he was almost completely bald. His face was lean, angular; and he had piercing blue eyes, which they now regarded with unerring greed.
"You are actually here," he stated. "Come in, come in." "I hope you're hungry," she said, following him inside, bracing herself against the inevitable fit of claustrophobia. Lewis was constantly busy reshaping his apartment, hoping to make room for some space, letting some air in, but he and his longtime interior designer Ellen had been involved in a fight for his collector's trick for ages - knickknacks and memorabilia of his travels, old editions of the Playbill theater playbook, dog-eared paperbacks, enamel bowls full of scraps of paper, foreign coins, deprecated subway tickets, fortune-cookie slogans, cufflinks, heaps of "nonsensical stuff," as Ellen called it. He even hoarded the leaflets distributed to passers-by in the street, those valuable vouchers for a free eye test, a trial membership in a fitness center, or a mobile phone offer with a benefit package; There were always a dozen or more such leaflets alone on his coffee table. "I'm very hungry," he says with a laugh. "But do not worry, if I had none, I would pretend."
Teddy went straight to the kitchen, the only room in the apartment where there was a little room to move, if only because Lewis did not cook and so had very little kitchenware. Nonetheless, the kitchen counter was covered with stacks of old Sports Illustrated. "Please move your porn aside," she ordered, handing him an armful.
Teddy unpacked the bag, found a frying pan in one of the kitchen cabinets and some butter in the fridge, and started cutting the peppers, chives and sausage and whisking the eggs. When the omelet was ready, she cut it in half, spread thick sour cream on it and put the two halves on a plate with a small mountain of fruit salad. She took her to the dining room and shoveled one of a stack of mail that lay on Lewis's placemat. She placed the other plate on the placemat in front of his chair and sat down.He had cut silverware and put glasses of orange juice and cups of hot coffee on the table - among all the piles of mail, half-read books and magazines, an inexplicable bag of a hardware store, and just as inexplicable eight or ten of the same hand-carved masks. Teddy used coffee cream and sugar as Lewis lowered his face over the plate and happily inhaled the sausage-smelling steam.
"You have outdone yourself," he said. Lewis liked eating for his life, but he had never bothered to cook. Teddy knew-he'd once told her-that he had dinner in a small candlelit bistro on Lexington Avenue, or stayed home and warmed up pre-cooked gourmet meals from a private catering service. But nothing, he had explicitly added, tasted as good as a meal someone had prepared that one loved. Throughout the years, Teddy had preferred to ignore the prompting nature of his words; and she deliberately did not cook more often in his kitchen than twice a year. She was not particularly housewife-it had never been-and did not want to encourage Lewis romantically, because that would have instantly created a deep and intense connection that she had always been afraid of, even though she did not know exactly why , She hated it anyway that he could not bring himself to learn how to grill a simple filet or steak and steam broccoli. My God, cooking was indeed too easy and Lewis was too smart to eat either in the restaurant or in pre-prepared meals. Besides, he could have just hired a cook.
"Where do these masks come from?" Teddy asked. "And, more importantly, why are they on the table?" "Bali," Lewis replied. "Ellen thinks they fit well on the wall above the sideboard." "What about the ironware bag?" "Hardware," said Lewis, grinning. "To hang the masks?" Teddy, the omelette is superb. " "It would be even better with chorizo or Italian sausage, anything spicy-spicy instead of smoked." Lila loves kielbasa, that's why I bought her. " "Why did she transfer you this morning?" "One man," Teddy replied. "She met him on the street, and now he's apparently staying with her." "The lucky one," Lewis said to Teddy with one of his sidelong glances. "Lucky ones." She let him flinch, as she had for decades. "Indeed," she said. "When will Ellen come?" Lewis had the decency to be embarrassed. "I knew it," she said. "Why should she come on a Saturday? Eventually, you're going to get so busy that you visit me in Greenpoint." "You know why I do not want that," Lewis said. "And I always send you Benny after all." "You do not want to come because you fear that Oscar's ghost shows up and buys." "I would prefer not to meet Oscar at all, in any form."
Teddy looked at Lewis. As usual, his countenance was good-natured, inscrutable, with no hint of a self-deprecating lifting of one corner of his mouth. She did not fall for his apparent lightness, which was due to years of legal practice of showing a serene exterior to the outside, even in retirement; Behind him, his thoughts were always on the move, his emotions always in turmoil. As a boss, he had been secretly demanding and less secretly full of appreciation, at first only in terms of Teddy's efficiency, tact and integrity, but after his movie star wife had run away with one of her directors, his admiration had come to the fore and immediately caught on their beauty, their wit, their charm, their physical appearance extended.
Late one evening, she had stayed in the office for a long time, asking for a conversation with him, marching into his office, closing the door behind him, then freely and without much fuss telling him that this development of his feelings was hers made it hard to continue working as his secretary. Lewis had asked her if Oscar and she had a relationship with each other, she had told him that this relationship had existed for many years, and he was ready to pass it on to one of his colleagues and hire a new secretary, as it was for both of them were impossible to cooperate under such circumstances. Their friendship had lasted through the years, unhindered by romantic complications, although only Lewis had had to prove his passion for Teddy was able to outgrow his desire pragmatically. "I take as much of you as I can get," he had told her more than once. That must have satisfied certain needs in both of them.The fact that a man as intelligent and successful as Lewis had decided to devour himself for decades after Teddy, his former secretary, made no sense, unless one considered the possibility of that he preferred one-sided love-making to dirty marital chaos. (...)
"I wonder," said Lewis, "whether I've suddenly become irresistible to you, now that Lila's new lover is a provocation to you." "Just ask, just ask," Teddy said. "I can not help but notice that you are suddenly standing on my doorstep with seductive food." "Kielbasa is seductive?" "Extremely seductive," Lewis replied. To her surprise, Teddy realized that she did not know what to say. "I take that as a yes," Lewis said, studying her closely. Teddy returned his look. "I bought the kielbasa for Lila," she said after a while. "Teddy," said Lewis. "Are you really going to go to the grave without finding a substitute for Oscar?" "To the grave," Teddy says laughing. She got up and began to wander around the room. "Why do you mention my grave, of all places?" (...) "Well," said Lewis. "I've been thinking a lot myself lately, how close I am to the grave." "Have you really been alone for all those years since Deborah left you?" "No," said Lewis, looking her in the eye. "You had girlfriends?" "I had women." "All the years we know each other," Teddy said, "I never knew if you had something like Rendezvous." "Of course, you assume that I tell you everything." "Of course," she said in surprise. "Well, I do not." "Did you meet a woman or a whole bunch of women?" "What difference does that make?" "I'm curious." "I got involved with different women over the years, as they say." "Ellen?" Teddy asked. Ellen did not suit Lewis, Teddy thought; she was so shrewish and cheeky. "Well, that would have been possible if I had wanted." "But you did not want it." "Not yet," he replied. His tone was cheerful, teasing and tender. "You're jealous!" Said Lewis, pleased. "On Ellen? Oh, come on, how could you fall in love with Ellen?" "Who says you have to fall in love?" She rolled her eyes. "Cake?" "Cake," Lewis repeated as Teddy walked into the kitchen. She came back with two cake plates and introduced one to Lewis. "Freshly baked this morning," she said. "How do you stay so slim when you eat so much, Teddy?" Lewis inquired. "Are you going to the bathroom after dinner and putting your finger in your throat?" "Of course I do," she said, sitting down. "What a waste." Lewis took a bite. "The cake is good." "Of course he is." "Cook well?" "Is this the only cookbook you've ever heard of?" "Are there any other cookbooks?" For a moment they ate in silence. "Teddy," Lewis said, setting his fork aside. "I think it's really time we go to bed together."
Teddy choked on a piece of brown frosting. "You think it's really something?" He looked at her piercingly. "You heard what I said." Coughing, she waved her off. "And ruin our friendship?" "I would gladly ruin our friendship if that meant going to bed with you." She regained control of her trachea. "Good God," she said, clearing her throat. "What is wrong with you?" "The talk about the grave." He laughed. "What do we have to lose?" Teddy smiled in an unfathomable look. The clock behind her ticked loudly into the silence-tick-tock, tick-tock-a hollow, bony tick, too appropriate to be reassuring. (...)
"I am planning a trip to Tuscany," said Lewis. "Do you want to come with me? You are invited." "When?" Teddy asked eagerly. "November, December, whenever you want." "Why are you planning this trip?" "To get you to come with me." "Oh, Lewis," Teddy said. She sighed. "You know I love you, you know that I consider you the best man in the world." "Apart from your grandson," Lewis countered, as if to force himself not to be overjoyed with the compliment, because it could be a rebuff. "He is three." "And Oscar is dead." "You're a far better person than Oscar has ever been." "That's right," he said, his blue eyes flashing, "but what's a mystery to me ... I do not have to say it, my wife left me for a real punk, and you were fond of Oscar." Teddy stared hard at Lewis for a moment. "I wonder why," she finally said. "Women seem to think assholes irresistible," Lewis said. "Darwin, I suppose, you want to be relegated to your place, treated a bit condescendingly, because then you know you're with an alpha male.I do not feel the need to refer you to your place or to subdue you, and that is obviously extremely unsexy. Nevertheless, I'm probably an alpha male type. I just do not give a damn about drumming against my hairy chest and sounding big as Oscar did. "" You're pretty cunning for an old guy, "Teddy said with a laugh." Maybe Ellen wants to travel to Tuscany. "" I like that. Most men of our generation do not have a glimpse of women. "" Well, those nice ones, after all, we have plenty of time to study you in detail without our eyes being clouded by a recent connection. "" Did not you say you had women? "I had too," he said emphatically, "I'm not a monk." "Why did not you fall in love again?" "I wasted myself on you. That's the truth. "" No one ever consumes anyone for so long. You wanted to grieve. "" I did not necessarily enjoy that, "he said, looking at each other" Lewis, "Teddy said," Teddy. "She tried to say something, but in vain, so she just shook her head firmly "I'm just a bit confused." "That's something new." Teddy got up and walked over to Lewis. "Get up," she said. "I want to try something." He got up, shoved his chair with his She leaned over and faced her, looking directly into his eyes and putting his hands on his shoulders. "Dance a bit with me," she said. "What are we, old man?" He asked, laughing he put one hand on her waist, then lifted the other and removed her hand from his right shoulder, starting to guide her in a moderate foxtrot, still looking at each other steadily, her eyes almost level with each other are too young for that, "said Lewis." Let's get drunk instead. "" Just dance with me 'I want to feel your arm around me,' Teddy said in a brittle voice. Lewis put his cheek to teddies and danced determinedly into the living room with her. "There's schnapps here," he said. "Bewitch me," she said. "We are characters from an old movie." "They drink whiskey in old movies," Lewis said.
Teddy leaned her head against his and felt the satisfying familiar hardness of another human skull on hers. She hummed the melody of an old love movie. "At least you'll hit the notes," Lewis said. "It could be worse." Then he turned his head and kissed her without interrupting her dance.
She stopped humming and they stopped dancing. Kissing Lewis would have felt weirder, but instead, it felt like something long overdue. He knows what he's doing, Teddy thought in surprise. His mouth was definite and sensitive. She had not imagined it would be like that; she had imagined that he was either overzealous with his tongue or that his lips would feel dry and indifferent. Instead, his lips felt alive and exciting on hers as if they were dancing with their mouths; his tongue was barely audible, teased her. Their bodies pressed together passionately, with the same pressure, the same desire. Suddenly she was so excited that she could barely stand. She started to laugh, rather impulsive and surprised than amused. "Lewis!" "I tried to tell you," he said. "Now get to bed."
In his bedroom, she clawed at his clothes. He stood there, laughing to himself, helping her as she undressed him. Then she stripped off her own clothes and they collapsed onto the bed, naked and smooching. The light shining through his bedroom window was bright and clear, she could see every gray hair on his chest, every little dent and crease on his body, and she knew he could see hers, but they were both still slim and in good shape. Their bodies looked good together, like a matching set. They both looked so much better than she had expected. His thighs were muscular, his flanks lean, his stomach was flat with a lovely little curve like a little boy's. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and rocked him gently, glancing in blue, passionate, always humorous eyes and was amazed at how well she knew him on the one hand and how exciting it was at the same time. His skin on her body felt warm and velvety; the hair on his chest and legs rubbed over her soft skin, making her feel extremely pleasant little electric shocks everywhere.
"Hello, sailor," she says. "Hello, lovely," he whispered back. "You should have done that twenty years ago, so I could have given you a real erection." She took his penis in his hand and looked at him, he was just hard enough for her intentions and perfectly shaped. Your cock is beautiful, "she said pleased." You should have warned me! "For a moment he was silent, holding his head between her breasts and shaking with laughter.Then he looked up at her and said with a mischievous smile she had never seen before. "I should have warned you about my cock." She laughed too, and then they had nothing to say to each other for a long time.
Excerpt from: Kate Christensen "Feldman's Women". (B: Kristina Lake-Zapp, 352 p., 16.95 euros, Droemer)
Interview: Kate Christensen on her book "Feldman's Women"
