"Childbirth is like war"? Why do we laugh about this honest mother book
BARBARA: The title of your book is "If I have the choice between child and career, I'll take the sofa". Was that your idea?
Claudia Haessy: Actually I wanted something with "princes" and "penises", but that did not agree with the publisher. We finally agreed on this title, it fits well with my attitude on this topic.
The protagonist in your book is called Claudia. It's about you, right?
I can not really separate that anymore. Many situations and people are invented, others I experienced the same way. For example, that I found pregnancy yoga quite awful. And I also got pregnant unintentionally. That of course made it easier to write about it authentically.
The Claudia from the book did not want children. You neither?
In fact, I did not want to, but not because I find children stupid, but because I knew quite rationally that having children meant a lot of responsibility and work. I've already failed colossally at the attitude of a hamster? How should I take responsibility for such a human being? I think as a parent you can do a lot wrong very fast.
How did it happen that you were so relaxed about contraception?
idiocy (she laughs loudly), I actually think that my biological clock tricked me. When I was with my family last Christmas and there were a lot of little children there, I became unspeakably sentimental. I was touched because I would never have that, because I had already decided against it. And shortly thereafter, I met this man, we had sex? and at some point we were more than careless. It was totally negligent of us both.
How was it when you learned that you were pregnant after two months of affair?
I denied it. Until the last second. The line on the pregnancy test was too pale, I just pretended that it could not be. When I could no longer deny it, I also told the man. Unlike him, I knew right away that I would keep the child. He immediately assumed that we would not get the child. We only knew each other for two months? I would not want to have a child with me. That's why we argued for months or even argued with each other. But before the birth, we got together and decided to make the most of it. He fought back into this relationship himself. Incidentally, we are still together.
"I do not have everything under control: why pretend?"
Sounds a bit stressful. Could you still enjoy the pregnancy?
No. Anyway, I think childbirth is like war. Being pregnant and having children means having to fight against all sorts of people: against doctors, midwives, other mothers, your own mother? and the mother-in-law, who knows everything better anyway. It takes a while to find out where you stand and what you want. For example, when I was breastfeeding, I was completely exhausted and kept crying because it just did not work, even the midwife did not help me. I felt totally left alone. Ultimately, the man then said that he is going to buy milk powder and we now give the bottle. That was a big relief for me. There is some expectation on every corner.
Speaking of pressure: Self-optimization is a topic for many mothers. Some people look like they did before after the birth ...
That was not the case with me. I gained 30 kilos during pregnancy, I felt incredibly fat, but of course I also know some mothers who are extremely disciplined. My son is four and a half now? and I have not been able to regain my weight before birth. But that's just how it is. I work full time, I hate sports, I like to eat, and I do not feel like giving up carbohydrates. I'm not a model, I do not have to look like a Victoria's Secret Angel, I'd rather enjoy my life.
That sounds balanced.
Of course, I would like to lose a few pounds, but I prefer to eat at Poffertjes instead of climbing the elliptical machine. When you have clarified your priorities, it is often easier for you to accept yourself and your body.
The book is also about perfect mothers who look great, sew everything themselves and are always relaxed. Ever wanted to be one of them?
Sometimes. Motherhood is sometimes shit, you have enough pressure. If you then still have the claim to make everything perfect, you can only do it yourself. I'm not perfect, I do not have everything under control: why pretend? Life is too short for this type of stress.In any case, we have to put our own needs behind and accept that we are no longer playing the first violin in our own lives. It's exhausting enough to combine my full-time job with motherhood. Do not get it wrong: it's worth it. I could not imagine a life without my son, he is exactly what I would have wished for him? and has a great sense of humor. He has enriched my life incredible. But I'm pretty sure that his and my luck does not depend on whether I still manage to bake sugar-free spelled biscuits in the evening.
Claudia Haessy, born in 1982, studied history and philosophy in Bonn, Warsaw and Beer Sheva. She worked as a freelance copywriter and currently works as a social media editor for the Men? S Health editorial team in Hamburg. For many years she blogs on frauhaessyschreibt.de.
Photo: Private
"If I have the choice between child and career, I take the sofa" has been published by Rowohlt Verlag and costs 9.99 euros.
