I love my children. That once in advance. On the other hand, I do not like the fact that my body can no longer compete with my 26-year-old after two pregnancies and mid-30s. Rather, I find that puke. Actually, I am quite satisfied with myself and like to be in my skin most days. But there are also, the moments in which I look in the mirror and find it just terribly unfair, what is left of my formerly tight breasts and the firm belly. And then it's all about body positivity: let's face it, I can not sing praises of my dings and rolls, let alone my own misshapen. And I would have to lie if I said I was not jealous of the women with perfect bodies.

The claim to like oneself

And then I feel even worse. Sorry about cellulite, I'm really trying, but I just do not love you. And I know clearly that I'm influenced by media and glossy images, obviously a self-deficit exists and I can be basically proud of the performance of my body. In fact, it is not so easy for me to accept that my body will probably no longer undergo metamorphosis to the butterfly and that my once well-formed breasts will reappear. To be honest, plastic surgery has never been so attractive to me as it is today.

It's not even about what others might think, but about being back to being me. And I think I can too. Whether I would really go for it is quite another matter.

Today I think I'm really good! Well, halfway.

Of course, I think it's great to see all those strong, wonderful women celebrating themselves and their bodies in all imaginable ways. That should be exactly like that. But I bet, even those who did not wake up in the morning and thought while looking in the mirror: Wow, from today I find myself really horny!

It's easy to forget that this is a process that will hopefully be accepted as you are. Especially after a birth, everything is out of joint, everything is new and different and unfamiliar. And sayings like, "It's just like that after a birth, you have a healthy baby" do not help. On the contrary, one feels even worse, because one dared to find something corrosive to the miracle machinery body. Sorry, but Body Positivity could cross me in a puerperium.

There are simply times when you find yourself stupid and there are those in which we find ourselves very good. Self-love or not. And then you can also say: No, I find my afterbaby body just not nice at all and I do not want to keep that at all. Let's just hope that time works wonders.

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Self-love. The thing about self-love is hard for me at the moment. I'm honestly tough. Maybe too hard and should not be, so with me. Give me time. At the moment, however, I find it very difficult to find myself as good as I am currently. So my body, my reflection and the body shape that I currently have. "At the moment?" That means now. Now after the pregnancy. I know that I am ok. Somehow I know that. But I do not feel it. I stand in front of the mirror, look at myself and do not recognize myself. I have different expectations. Another picture of me in the head. There's the voice in the back of my head. The voice that thinks rationally, that is logical and that knows that I need time. I should not stress ... Sure. This voice is right and I should listen to it. I also do that often. But currently this voice is barely heard. The picture here was not planned, but shows me in the moment in which I realize again that the mirror image is real. I only just wanted a photo for the current blogposting. And when Jakob shows me the photo to control the image on the camera's display, the tears suddenly flow. Unstoppable. The body that created two wonderful children is no longer my body. That's someone else. Someone has broken this body and I have to watch wounds heal inside and out; I just do not know how? #Selflove #beingamom

A post shared by Anna Frost (@annafrost) on Feb 7, 2019 at 8:56 am PST

Body Positivity - I do not feel you!

In times when women on the net are making a big case for a new body awareness and propagating a lot of self-love, blogger Anna Frost speaks up. After the birth of her son, her self-love affair is not easy for her either.

I know that I am ok. Somehow I know that. But I do not feel it. I stand in front of the mirror, look at myself and do not recognize myself.

At the moment she finds it very difficult to find herself as good as she is currently. So her body, her reflection and the body shape that she currently has, she writes on Instagram and thus seems to hit a nerve with many mothers who share in the comments similar experiences.

This is actually the craziest situation: You know that everything is ok. But you still have other expectations of yourself that you just can not live up to.

It's also a complicated story with love for ourselves. Why? Because we apply much higher standards to ourselves than to others. We like to support them with sweet words, strengthen them and try to dispel self-doubt. However, self-love has to arise out of our own selves, it has to be able to grow and perhaps it will not be there overnight.

Self-love. Love for yourself. Yes, that's what I'm most looking for now and the more I think about it, the more silly it seems to me? Yes, even hypocritical, because I just tell my daughter that she is wonderful and beautiful, just as she is, I can not say that to me. Why not? I dont know.Not yet.

If you would like to read more about Anna, you should visit her blog fafine.de

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