The special something - how does that work?
She enters a room and everyone turns to her. She opens her mouth, and you listen to her. "What a great woman," say people who have met her. She may be 20 or 60 years old, she may not be conspicuously beautiful, exceptionally gifted or educated. It is quite possible that she earns her living in a normal job and leads a completely unspectacular life. What does such a woman have, what others do not have? What is this "certain something", are we bringing it into the world, can it be acquired, learned, strengthened? These questions address scientific studies as well as psychologists in their daily work. For example, when people come to them who, intentionally or unintentionally, are facing a change in their lives.
For example, because they have to (or have to) re-orient themselves at work or because they no longer want to be single. Some women have the feeling, "The older I get, the less I'm perceived, it's like the others are looking through me as if I'm not there." Charisma. Charisma. Such concepts are used to express something barely tangible: what makes a person attractive to others. The Hamburg psychologist Eva Wlodarek has been working on it for a long time. For them, the "certain something" is no longer an inscrutable secret, but on the contrary something very concrete. Although it is alive and versatile, it also follows certain laws. The most important:
The personality rests on five strong pillars
The better we know about ourselves, the better we can gauge how we affect others. If you want to get to know your own personality, you can follow five characteristics:
- emotional balance
- Openness to new things
- restrained or lively temperament
- conscientiousness
- social being
Everyone has these "big five", as these qualities and behaviors are called. How strong they are is determined from birth. This can not be fundamentally changed, but we can promote and strengthen weak features. A lonely she-wolf will hardly transform into a party-lion. But over time, she can take pleasure in approaching people, talking, celebrating.
In every life there is at least one glory time
Everything important succeeds, the world is at our feet, we feel attractive, coveted and strong: some experience such a phase in early adulthood, others in mid-life, and there are people who have their best years ahead of them , "Regardless of this, women can create their own heyday," says Eva Wlodarek. It is important for them to be aware of how they think about themselves. Because, according to the psychologist: "The self-image that we carry in us radiates outward, and our charisma depends on how others meet us."
Radiance can be controlled, from inside as well as from outside
A woman who has learned to like herself, to appreciate the beauty of her body, her face, her hair, to appreciate her strengths and abilities - such a woman will also enjoy changing her style, her appearance, that their benefits and not their weaknesses come into their own. Conversely, it can do the soul - and thus the charisma - to have their hair cut quite differently, to try a new make-up or to dare to wear strong colors in their clothes and, for example, to wear a skirt again instead always only pants. "Never before have women had so much opportunity to do something for their looks and style," says Eva Wlodarek. However, that also has limits, so the expert, because:
The beauty of youth never comes again
"That sounds like bad news, but it's really good," says Eva Wlodarek. Nature is fair: Everybody was once young, everyone will - hopefully - get old. And who as girls and adolescents always stood in the shadow of radiant beauties, will eventually compensate. In fact, such women have learned to concentrate on strengths that are independent of the external, such as intelligence, humor, special artistic skills or fashionable style. And while the youthful beauties still have to get used to the fact that today, younger, younger are swarmed around, many ugly ducklings from long ago are long gone: They do not even try to look like a 20-year-old with 50 years. Instead, they work to be as happy, interesting, attractive and well-groomed as 50 years old. You are aware:
We have to reinvent ourselves again and again
With every year of life, with every new experience we change. Then there are the big transitions: from youth to adulthood, to maturity, to old age. Once you have managed to reconcile the inner and the outer, to rest within yourself, you have not taken care of it until the end of your life. We are never adult and mature, because every phase of life demands that we review our position, perhaps reinvent ourselves. This can be done through external changes: hair off, another make-up, another style in the clothes. Or by the fact that a woman, for example, strokes expressions such as "cool" or "crass" from her active vocabulary.
A strong charisma knows no age
When is a woman still young, when does she become "older", when does she belong to the elderly? "There are no more standards today, the borders are fluid," says Eva Wlodarek. Everyone has to decide for themselves how they want to live, behave, act on others. Luckily, there are role models that help. Not only among the celebrities, but also among the women who meet us in everyday life, they are becoming more and more: the attractive, sovereign, powerful 50-, 60-, 70-year-olds. Women who prove that today no one disappears from the field of vision of others must become invisible. Women who confidently say, "My best time? That's now."
