That's me: that's what I like
Attentively Regina Först listens. Open, warm, without airs, "Radiance comes when we show ourselves to the outside as we are inside," she says. In one-on-one talks, the 49-year-old finds out which of the (still hidden) facets of her personality the women want to shine. How it works? Smiling, the radiation trainer presents a bowl of surprise eggs. Each candidate chooses one thing: "Bet that the content has anything to do with you?" Claudia has a sleek convertible, Herta an angel on a snowboard, Antje a hockey player to meld. What is that supposed to mean? A lot, as it turns out later in the conversation.
This is me! The expert answers your questions.
As unconventional as her method is Först's curriculum vitae. At first the graduated textile business economist worked as a buyer and hiring manager in the fashion industry. Then she completed further education in psychology, color theory and body language. One of her teachers is the famous pantomime Samy Molcho. With the book "charisma" the personality trainer made the breakthrough. But what is behind the secret of our attraction? On the following pages, the expert answers the most important questions.
What makes a great appearance?
The love for oneself and a genuine appearance. Radiance is difficult to put into words, but good to perceive. It arises when our inner being harmonizes with the external appearance. An authentic human being is and works in a natural way reliable, independent and cheerful. It's not about perfection. Anyone who has a strong charisma is perceived as attractive, regardless of whether he or she conforms to common beauty ideals.
Is the "certain something" in our genes?
Everyone can find access to the radiant side when they want it. Let's look at small children, with their enthusiasm and open body language. They show that we all come into the world well-equipped. Somewhere this power has to hide in us later. The uninhibitedness that we have trained away, we can also get back into our adult life: with the appropriate awareness and will. This includes being able to enjoy small things and to ensure a good, stable self-esteem. As soon as someone decides to treat themselves lovingly, his eyes light up as if they are radiant from within. In my seminars, I experience such moments again and again.
Can I work on my charisma?
Radiance can not be played, not artificially trained, because it is more than a facade. It's all about being real. You can not learn that easily. On the contrary, it is more of a process that I call ent-learning: freeing oneself from others' ideas of how to be and give oneself. To then discover who you really are. For example, by exploring one's own values, recognizing strengths and talents and cultivating them. The process of becoming an authentic personality is always a path of self-knowledge.
I want to make a good first impression. What is important?
Many will assume: on the inner values. Or, at the interview: on skill. Not correct. At over 80 percent, we value our counterpart at the moment of the first impression on the basis of externals: posture, clothing, hairstyle, the colors that the person in question wears, jewelery, shoes. At the first perception of a person 100 billion nerve cells work at full speed. Here, optical signals are stored by the brain before the factual information. Between 150 milliseconds and 90 seconds we need to check the other for age, sex, attractiveness and to decide on sympathy or rejection. On average, the researchers speak of seven seconds. When the evaluation is almost complete, the cognitive process follows. We think about what someone has said and understand the content. Sometimes it is already too late to correct the first emotional impression through the mind. At first only the surface works. That is why it is important to bring them together with the inner state of being. Otherwise you will be put in a wrong drawer.
What does body language signal?
Eyes and hands I consider the most important tools to demonstrate presence. It is worthwhile to pay attention to the movement of your own eyebrows. Raised, they seem interested and signal attention. Pulling them together narrows your eyes. The facial expression can then be focused but also suspicious. The language of the hands plays an important role in the charisma of the personality because it expresses the close interrelation between thought and action.Our gestures are representative of the willingness to act in life. If you feel energetic and have a lot in mind, you should also show it and emphasize verbal messages with your hands. Clothes can reinforce or weaken such messages. A long-sleeved sleeve that hides more than half of the hands makes the overall look rather passive and hesitant. Better is: roll up and tackle, if you want to convey momentum.
Many women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Why?
This has to do with our education. Faced with many well-intentioned "council punches", we eventually come up with the idea that we are by no means right the way we are. While children still look with joy and enthusiasm in the mirror, many adults see on this occasion above all their "construction sites". However, criticizing itself destroys every spark of charm. As we radiate what we think, the consequence is clear: compliments bounce off us if we do not like ourselves. Many underestimate the power and consistency of their own thoughts. As a small exercise against the tendency to self-criticism and for more satisfaction I advise my clients: Receive in the morning in the bathroom with a smile. Look forward to your uniqueness. Remember what it feels like to be in love. How amazing then your charisma is. Fall in love with yourself a little!
Everyone knows cloudy days. What helps if the radiation is blown away?
It depends on how I want to spend my gray day. If I want to show the environment that I am not feeling well - for example, to experience compassion and support - it makes sense to dress accordingly. So to give oneself outward so that the message arrives. Everyone has things in the closet that he finds boring, colors that make you look tired and pale. Such garments may be worn on a bad day. But if I want to turn the tide, so cheer my mood, I reach for rich, friendly tones that make you happy immediately. Or the white blouse that makes me shine. I make-up, maybe try a new lipstick color. And give me a little jerk. Head up, chest out and smile: this helps against bad mood. Basically, I advise you to ask yourself in the morning: How do I want to work today? Few women use clothing, make-up and hair strategically. As I said before, charisma means balancing the inner and outer concerns. If I am aware of what my clothes should convey, I also work convincingly.
How do I get a feel for the style that suits me?
We constantly see and read what is trendy. As a result, many lose their personal sense of style, become insecure and do not feel comfortable in their skin. If the outer picture is not right, we pluck at each other. And already the charisma suffers. Instead of favorite pieces, many wardrobes are full of things that are waiting for something: the matching belt, the right figure, tanned skin. This unnecessarily costs energy and money. Anyone who always finds himself in the wrong place to buy can get a better sense of what he likes through a style consultation. Discover cuts and colors that express your own individuality. Many women are "stuck" in their wardrobe. I advise them to play with colors. Clothes have energy. By combining new shades, I can also deal with myself. My tip: the wardrobe occasionally spread on the bed or sofa. Amazing how this unfamiliar overview stimulates the imagination.
How much effort should I invest in my appearance?
Not "should". It's about "I want" or "I want". Because you take your time. It does not matter if it's ten minutes or an hour. Important is the conscious occupation with one's own appearance. The pleasure of enjoying yourself in its uniqueness. The ability to accept weaknesses that one feels as such, lovingly or conceal discreetly. The care of face, body, hair, a great make-up, all this can be fun. As I said, charisma has nothing to do with perfection, but a lot with self-esteem and joie de vivre.
Is good broadcasting a guarantee of luck and success?
For me yes! Success is what happens when you follow yourself. If you live and show your bright side, you are doing yourself good and therefore others too. Lucky research says that if we make others happy we will be happy for a long time. My favorite phrase from Mother Teresa is: Do not let a person be happier after meeting you.
