So you get your ex back!

The radio plays our song and in the wardrobe is still his sweater - oh God, how much he is missing! When the great love has ended, usually only a big, black hole remains. Everything seems so pointless, because you realize: Without him everything is stupid! But it does not have to mean out for a long time. Often it is worthwhile to fight the ex - and to regain his heart.

Emanuel Albert is Relationship Coach. His specialty: to bring back the Ex! Together with his clients, he develops strategies to make himself interesting again for the other. "70 to 80 percent of my clients come back with the ex, IF they stick to the strategy!" Says Albert. This is different depending on the case and must always be carried out strictly.

Do I want him back at all?

That's the first question you have to ask yourself. Is it really worth it? Was I happy with him at all? If the relationship has gone down because of a bad breach of trust or violence, Albert advises against the love comeback. "There is so much broken down here, who can not let go, hurts himself." Otherwise, the reconquest maneuver can start. "When my partner leaves, all that means is that he does not have the right emotions for me anymore, but they can be rebuilt," says the Relationship Coach. His credo: love is not supernatural power, but simply a reaction to certain key stimuli. "If my ex ever loved me, he can do it again, it's like a flooded engine that needs to be restarted."

The most important thing: do not chase after him

Bombing him with WhatsApp messages, sobbing at the AB, loitering outside his front door? Under no circumstance! At the core, it's always about contacting the ex, WITHOUT showing too much interest. There should be a break in the first three weeks after the breakup. Give your ex time to miss you. Then you should not call, but rather write a text message. "You're often too nervous on the phone - and the other person notices it immediately!" Says Albert.

What should I write?

It's best to incorporate emotional contradictions into your messages, such as creating closeness and distance at the same time. For example: "Somehow I had to think about you, I do not know why." Maintains the truth. Pretending to him a new relationship usually backfires. "The ex will find out anyway if you're forgiven again, and if I'm revealed as a liar, I'm not really waking his interest," says Albert. Small flunkies á la "At the moment I flirt a lot" but are allowed.

Make yourself attractive again

A big mistake: posting sad pictures in social networks! You have to hellishly watch what the other one is experiencing about you. Post only pictures that show you cheerful, self-confident and active - for example, on vacation, during activities or celebrations. Your ex should have the impression that you're fine as a single. Because that makes you look attractive and independent. Do not talk about your grief with friends or relatives of the ex-partner.

Help coincidence on the jumps

You know where your ex is staying? Perfect - then you do it now! But then go out of his way gallantly - do not greet or say goodbye! But do not overdo it with the "random" encounters ...

When you meet him at parties, it's best to talk to men all the time. Smile, ride your hair, look happy and desirable! The expert advises: "Place yourself so that your ex perceives you, but you always turn your back on him."

What if I was the one who broke up?

You only realized after the breakup how much you love the ex-partner? Even then, a reconquest is worthwhile. "In that case, I can even allow myself more contact," says Albert. "However, I may have hurt the other and have to show him that I'm really serious."

Closer again - and now?

Your ex will respond swiftly to news, write more text than you and may even suggest a meeting - bravo, then you're back in the game! "But do not be impatient now," warns Albert, "speaking quickly about relationships is absolutely taboo! Best not to name the situation and wait and see."

Accept when it's over

Sure, even the best strategy can fail. He does not react to the first message? That alone is not a broken leg. Some people just need time. If the ex does not react to overtures for several months, then he probably has no interest in the love comeback.

Emanuel Albert is communication and relationship coach in Berlin and Munich. On his blog "DateDoktor Emanuel" he writes about how to save a relationship, conquer or retrieve a love.He knows his way around: He too has successfully fought for his ex. Today he is happily married.