Pilates? No thanks!

"Optimal for the back," raves my orthopedist. My girlfriend has a much flatter stomach since she regularly activates her powerhouse - she says. The folk high school leader of my Bavarian home community even says that it should improve sex ... Everyone thinks it's great. Just everybody. "I really do not know anybody who does not like Pilates," claims Lena, the gym trainer I've frequented since a small herniated disc.

Not true, Lena, now you know me. I hate Pilates. And I stand by it - even though I have to drink my latte macchiato in the lounge of the gym soon. To hate it is not the problem. Pronounce it earlier. Immediately one is in a faith discussion similar to that with Jehovah's Witnesses. And yet I say it to anyone who wants to hear it or not: Pilates is so dumb that it pops. I know what I'm talking about. I've already dragged myself for four hours. The effect after the first hour: aching, After the second: sore muscles. After the third: sore muscles. And after the fourth: really bad mood.

I also do not understand half of what Lena, the Pilates pope, commands. "Tscher-Posischen", she roars in the broadest Bavarian. Lift legs? "Dabbllegstretsch" - raise and lower legs? For "Chair-Position" and "Double-Leg-Stretch" I also have to activate my Powerhouse. "Tuck in your belly, what if you put too tight a chin on." But, it's not that simple, and that's why Lena spends a lot of time with me to correct my position. I'm embarrassed. I lie on my back like a disabled bug and row with my arms. I seem to lack dramatic body tension and balance, at least in comparison to all the other women in my class. By the way, some of them are 30 years older than me.

But this annoying annoys me, the boring and at the same time exhausting Rumliegen. And the doodle background music. It's no fun for me to activate my deep muscles. Not a single hour of my week passes more slowly than the one every Thursday morning from 8:30 to 9:30. Degrading these beetle positions, but even more embarrassing but the fight for the Pilates mats and the lax balls, with the help of which you should increase the training effect. With me, they just just flick it when I pinch them between my knees or under my buttocks. It's always nice to let the air out to the mouth when Lena orders it. Usually does not work either. More than 40 years old - and too stupid to breathe!

Can you learn it? Does it no longer hurt someday? Is the stomach actually flatter and the sex better? And will I like it someday? Even if: I do not want it! I would have to try it for at least three months, say my Mitturnerinnen compassionate. After all, it's a gentle workout. Since you must not demand hauruck effects. It's probably just me and my impatient constitution that I can not get the hang of it. But that does not matter to me. Because since I hate Pilates, I have the most exciting arguments and am the center of every party.