Phone Sex: Hello, it's me
They have an appointment. In bed. They have not done it for a long time. Too long. Neither of them can last any longer. He listens to her breath. A little louder than usual. Just like his. "Somehow you have too much on." "Yeah, we should change that ..." She's getting hot. In the face. But not only there. He breathes faster. A little faster, until at some point it does not get any faster ... When she awakes at night, her arm looks for his body. And finds the phone. Would she call him again? She could be back. No, better not, he is sleeping soundly now. In his bed, many kilometers away from hers. His bed is in Regensburg, hers in London. Martin is 28 and a scientific assistant at the university. Antje is one year younger and a management consultant. Ideally, the two see each other only every 14 days. Those who can not always feel themselves want to hear more often: "The telephone helps us across the distance," says Antje. "Suddenly the other one is very close, even if he is still so far away."
Hundreds of miles longing. Every eighth love in Germany is a distant love. He in Hamburg, Berlin, Paris, she in Munich, Dusseldorf, Rome or vice versa. Living apart together, trend researcher Prof. Peter Wippermann calls this life form, which will determine our future: live together separately, feel connected, even if the longest time of the day, the month, the year is only connected via telecommunication wires. So these modern communication channels become immensely important to assure that the partner is still the partner, even if he does not sit right next to you on the couch. "We call this medial scratching," says Wippermann. "One expresses one's strong connection via telephone, SMS or e-mails, but still remains independent, mobile and flexible." On some days Kraulen Antje and Martin is not enough. Certainly not medial. They only want one thing. So they do it. On the phone. Antje likes to lie on the bed, Martin prefers to sit on the sofa. The eyes are both closed. Faster, sometimes slower fantasies, pictures. It works best in the evening. There it is quiet in the apartment. Still. But not for long ... "The future belongs to media sex," says trend researcher Wippermann. Ragnar Beer, a psychologist at the University of Göttingen, confirms that phone sex is becoming an increasingly important issue for many couples. More and more people are living a long-term relationship because of the job for a limited time or even permanently.
Ever had a mobile number? A hot idea that may not only appeal to the telephone service providers: the wires are glowing between Germany's long-distance fans. But, where are all the others moaning on the phone? No one has counted them yet, and no one wants to have phone sex or at least have had it in a poll in the far-and-looming circle of friends. At least nobody is there. The image of the verbal climaxes seems to be badly damaged: not to imagine, in the end you still have like Miranda in "Sex and the City" a George on the line, the same time on several lines has ear sex, or a Lois as in "Short Cuts ", which improves diaper changing her household budget with telephone services. It does not help that celebrities like Kylie Minogue, Angelina Jolie or Colin Farell come out as a practicing phone sex. Because Charles did not have with Camilla ... Exactly, there was something, and it was not nice.
Words are not enough. David, for example, wants to protect himself and his weekend love from such horror scenarios. He chooses daily from Hamburg - no, not the 0190 -, but the 0041 before, for Switzerland. But he never had phone sex with his girlfriend. Inevitably, he would have to imagine that she might iron on the side or, worse, look at cooking programs. "A phone is just not sexy for me," says David, and prefers to watch TV with his girlfriend, cook or eat while talking to her. Ragnar Beer is not surprised: "Talking about sex, addressing one's own, concrete erotic desires is hard for most couples, not just on the phone." Even with Antje and Martin, what they are doing on the phone is not an ongoing topic: they only talk about it sometimes. Before their "first time" they had to overcome a very nice inhibition threshold. It was not so easy to find the right words. But then worked well. Nevertheless - good sex does not need above all feeling, intimacy, say: closeness? "Even the phone can do it," says Ragnar Beer. When you make a phone call, being together is planned more deliberately, it makes it harder to distract you, takes time for the other person, goes into it, listens to its signals.Often distance even creates a special closeness: in Beers couple therapy internet portal "theratalk.de" it is often easier for couples in daily chat, as pillows on pillows their sexual problems and desires pronounce.
Breathe loudly on the phone. "That could and should work not only on the net, but also on the phone," says couple therapist Joachim Lask. "It makes great sense that sexual satisfaction couples are possible via wire." This applies equally to close and long-distance couples, but especially to the latter. Because distance relationships are risky: those who can not feel a partner regularly, are often more receptive to creating that intimacy with other people. Say, to allow yourself an infidelity. So that it does not come at all, couples should not only talk about everyday things, but also find a common erotic language with each other. That does not sound like hot highlights now? Not even close. Antje and Martin already had some on the phone. But they do not always want to. The main thing is to feel the other, to be close to him. As intense as possible. Therefore, it is also secondary for them, whether what they have with each other, is called sex or not. They have found other, own words for it: "Then we breathe loudly on the phone." This is all said. Next breathing.
