Living with the parents: Back to Mama
Mother Thea, 55, lawyer
Granted, when Lisa moved out, I could hardly let her go. She was our chick, just 19 and just before graduation. But she wanted to leave. Reason: I have something against her friend. Nonsense! It only annoyed me that he was always there. I could not even scurry into the bathroom in the morning without meeting him. Lisa did not understand that and one day said she was going to contract with Sebastian. Her father would have given his okay. God, I was angry. "Why do you allow that?" I asked Holger angrily. He shrugged his shoulders. "Lisa is of age, she does what she wants anyway."
When she moved out, I wanted to hide. But then I hugged her tight and said, "You can come back anytime!" She graciously gave me a kiss: "I know!" And now she stands there and invokes my promise from back then. Yes, I said it. But my life has changed in the meantime. I changed. When their relationship broke up recently, I had no objection to getting Lisa home and pimping her up. But since then she makes herself comfortable here again.
Lisa says she wants to get her life under control. Its about time! After graduation, she spent months in her apartment on the sofa, watching stupid soaps and stuffing sweet stuff. Only under pressure did she opt for law. I knew from the beginning: That's not for her. Now she is doing an internship in the nursing home and wants to study health and nursing. She is on the right track - only she has to go it alone.
I'm tired of all-round care. Do not want to wake my daughter up in the morning, do her laundry, when she's under stress ("Mom, please, just exceptionally"), and certainly do not want to meet a guy in boxer shorts in the morning in front of my fridge! Because of the kids, I let my job run low for a long time. Now I'm working full again and I do not even think about getting shorter! Lisa says she does not want that either. She imagines our cohabitation as a kind of shared housing, with exact rules.
Sounds great, but unfortunately she does not stick to it. The laundry is piled up in the cellar, and when the fridge is empty, she orders herself a pizza and I have to go shopping after work. "I did not know what you're hungry for," it says. "Besides, I'm totally broken." At such moments, I realize that something went wrong with the education of our children. We, by that we mean our generation, have failed to convey them, to take responsibility for themselves and others.
Indulged, fed, lethargic and powerless, they seem to me. And why? Because we accept everything, accept everything and show understanding for everything. We packed them in cotton so they never learned to take their lives into their own hands. For over 20 years I was only there for my daughters. Now I do not want anymore! Is that why I'm a raven mother? "You're just thinking of yourself," Lisa says. - "Yes," I answer, "and you know something: I'm fine, and so are you!"
The daughter Lisa, 21 years, intern
I thought my mother would be happy when I came back home. What did she do to a theater when I moved out two years ago? "You can come back anytime," she snorted. I almost got her bags unpacked because of her, so sorry for me. Dad is on the job a lot, my sister had already moved out and now I - that was pretty difficult for her. But it was not possible to stay home. I have always had stress - either with mom because of Sebastian or with Sebastian because of mom. "She does not like me," he always said. And the way she behaved, he had to think that too. Was the morning often bad on it!
I talked to dad and he helped us to find a flat. Finally we had our own booth. I was totally happy! No more glares when I turn on the TV in the afternoon. No stupid comments, just because milk rice from the bag and pizza taste better than whole foods. Clean up, wash clothes, go shopping - I could do that, if I felt like it, and not because Mama was sitting on my neck.
I still had everything under control, and I also did my Abi. Only then did it become difficult. I just did not know what I wanted to become. The idea that this is a life decision totally blocked me. Actually, I only chose law because mom and dad are lawyers. That this was a mistake is also clear to me today. As well as the contracting with Sebastian. I looked at Mom, how happy she was when she finally got me to pick me up. The sentence, she would have known, she fortunately pinched herself. She was just nice, that was good for me.
Nevertheless, it was just a stupid feeling to come back. Like a failure, I felt and sometimes do it. Now I do not want any more experiments.Just want to be home. Is it that bad? I am feeling good here.
In addition, I realize that I get my life better regulated. I would not have gotten an internship so quickly without Mama. Everything goes smoothly, zack. This is sometimes annoying, but actually I'm fine. Alone in an apartment - I'm afraid to dimm again. And a room in a shared flat - no! I do not feel like discussing the dishes with strangers.
"Why can not we live together like in a shared flat?" I asked Mama. She just laughed and said that I would not stick to the arrangements anyway. Bet! If she just screwed her claims down a bit and gave me a chance. But she does not want to. She is really an egoist.
The father Holger, 57, a lawyer in international insurance
I feel Lisa needs us. How else would she get the idea to move in again ?! Things were not going so well with Sebastian. Actually, he is a nice guy, but he has not managed to give her the necessary self-confidence. After high school Lisa just rumgegemammelt. I had to really hit the table, so she finally got the butt up. When she then had the study place for law, she said stubbornly: "Well, are you satisfied now?" No was not me.
She just made it easy, because in reality she still did not know what she wanted. Maybe it was a mistake to take her off so early. But I thought if I help her, she will not slip away. Thea was angry at the time. On the one hand there was the concern for Lisa, on the other hand probably the feeling of not being needed any more. She had a lot of trouble with that. But at some point, Thea pulled out of the swamp, took over more mandates again, attended a yoga class, started Nordic walking - and blossomed properly. Finally thinking of herself was good for her.
To be honest, I was always afraid of time when we would only be on our own. What should we talk about, if not about the children? On the other hand, I hated to end up in a binge war between Thea and Lisa after exhausting conferences and business trips. When Lisa moved out, our evenings became much more relaxed. Because Thea was more relaxed. Thea and I often discuss what we did wrong. Why so many young people today refuse to become fledged. She questions all our liberal education. Thea may be right on some points, but what matters to me is that our children love us and trust us when they need us. That Lisa wants to stay with us is proof enough.
Nevertheless, I'm basically against it. I do not like saying that of my "slug". "Decide," I said to Thea. She looked at me and said, "You're just fucking making it!" I wish Lisa had not made this decision for us.
The sister Eva, 24 years, pharmacy student
I do not understand Lisa! At first the extract could not go fast enough and now ...? How does she imagine that? She and Mom have never had a relaxed relationship. They can talk to each other for hours. But alas, they live under one roof. Then my phone rings, and one tells how outrageous and bad Lisa is, and the other how unfair and ill-tempered Mama is. It's frustrating! Lisa should finally grow up and find her own flat. Where is your problem? Dad would even pay. But living alone makes more work than at home, where the refrigerator is always filled and on Friday the cleaning lady is at the door. Anyway, I'll keep me out of there. I've tried to mediate so often and was always the stupid one in the end.
The girlfriend Merle, 21 years, fashion design student
I think Lisa's mother is really nasty. Actually, she was always nice, if a bit moody at times. I do not understand that she is letting Lisa hang in the air right now. After all, I moved back home when, after leaving school with my au pair in Paris, things were not going so well and I just wanted to leave. That was self-evident to my mother and father. Parents are there to catch you, if it does not work out in life!
