I want a man with a child!
In the online forum "Patch * choke" one agrees: Men with relationship ballast in the form of part-time children are a problem. Something always annoys when you're in a relationship with a "used" man: the jealous ex, the spoiled patchwork kids, or their guilt-ridden father. And only the vacation planning! Is in their complex logistics of a papal election in nothing. You are all right. It is not easy if you fall in love with a father. But what is easy?
Luckily, lately I've been listening to quite different voices. It felt like it happened overnight, suddenly all my remaining single friends were forgiven - all at patchwork dads. Now they spend their Saturdays at the zoo or in the fun pool, bake bunny-shaped biscuits (and post them proudly on Facebook) or build monstrous Playmobil hospitals (current record: 4.5 hours!). I can understand that well. Because I was the first of them. And I infected them all with the Fathers virus.
Is there a biological clock ticking? Does anyone want to sneak up a "booty child"? No, on the contrary. All of us had so far no acute desire for children. Instead, we were always at the forefront when it was blasphemed over the seemingly inevitable Zwangsverspießerung on the occasion of new family reunions in the circle of friends.
Men with children are more mature than other men
We did not search for our partner fathers in a targeted way. But we are glad that we found her. Because they are different than the others. "Somewhat more mature," Jule sums it up as we finally meet again on a prey weekend free of prey. What she means: they are more loving. More serious. Unneurotischer. Humorous. Conflict-capable. Crisis-resistant. Patenter. At least that's what I mean by that. And every day, there is one more property that I discover and that I have so painfully missed in men. Because there are a lot of moderately difficult to terminally corrupted specimens out there, we all know that.
They are more loving. More serious. Unneurotischer. Humorous. Conflict-capable. Crisis-resistant. Patenter.
Fathers against it ... Okay, okay, I'm biased, I admit it. Hopefully, Björn Süfke, who as a psychologist has been treating men exclusively for decades, is more objective. He knows all the abysses - and fortunately still shares my opinion: "Separate fathers should be praised to the women," he says. The author ("Men's Souls: A Psychological Guide") has several reasons. Relationships would like to be overburdened with romantic needs and desires, he says. Fathers, on the other hand, have already had the experience that things are not always about them and that they sometimes have to put their need as partners back.
All in all "a very welcome cure for egocentrism". In my long-term memory flash sobering dates, which was one thing above all else: around him. And what HE does so well. What a waste of time. Of course, if custody stress or separation after-work is an issue, it's not exactly romantic. Especially not when you're in love. But one is quicker in preserving, in the question of questions: What can and do you want for me?
Fathers are not afraid of confrontation and responsibility
"Without my daughter I would be different today," the man at my side often says. "She made a better person of me." He has an urge for pathos, he says that himself, but it's true. I know him from before.
Björn Süfke has the appropriate technical term ready: fatherhood automatically brings an "empathy training" with him. Anyone who convinces a toddler, who has entrenched himself howling under the bed, to crawl out after three hours, does emotional hard work. "Fathers are more in touch with their feelings and with themselves," says Süfke. "That's attractive!" Sounds a bit like a group of men, but facilitates the relationship life immensely.
I have changed. I see the world now with six eyes
Maybe a men's therapist is a bit biased? The gender researcher Nina Wehner from the Center Gender Studies of the University of Basel has scientifically examined the "new fathers". By that she means those - usually between 30 and 40 - who want an equal relationship and a lot of time with their children. She has a special "negotiation competence" attached to them. As a partner, they do not avoid conflicts, they are not afraid of confrontation, they are not afraid to take responsibility in love. For they have long since taken on the greatest responsibility that exists - for another person. Good conditions so that he does not run away when it gets harder.Even harder than a defeat of his favorite club. I, on the other hand, are often pretty cowardly. That's why I stand on fathers. Where else can I safely test if I'm a kid or not? Whether I have what it takes to be a mother or better stay cool aunt or girlfriend? Namely "in real", but with a return ticket. Very enlightening, this experiment.
And no matter what the test result will be, the most important thing has already happened: I have changed. I see the world now with six eyes. With my. With his. And with those of the mini-humans at his side.
