How much willpower is good?
This text starts with a poetry album saying for a good reason. So visualize it for a moment - white square album page, spiky felt-tip font, a few equally scratchy stars around it: "The little word 'I want' is powerful, is it talking softly and quietly, the stars tear it from the sky, the little word? . "
This saying spoke to me as a child from the bottom of my soul. Because I always wanted. And I always knew exactly WHAT I wanted. My girlfriend, I had a very clear idea of whether "Barbie comes home from work" or "It's Saturday morning and Ken goes to the bakery". And if she was Barbie or Ken. If she did not feel like it, I would do everything I could to change her mind. I tolerated little contradiction. That she still was a willing playmate, was certainly not by chance. She told me much later, when we were already grown up: "You have always determined, but I also found it very comfortable."
I was not a noisy child, rattling everything, but I was endowed with a merciless quiet will that could not be opposed. I felt a bit unnecessary, but I did not want it with equal vehemence. Rarely, however, did anything matter to me. A trait that was not always a blessing in my childhood, of course, because if circumstances did not fit my imagination, I was unhappy. And of course, the line between a strong-willed child and an egoist is fluid.
People with a strong will are freer
Only in the course of life has it emerged that this quality, which I did not realize at the time, is a much sought-after resource. Because willpower is synonymous with perseverance, determination, determination, and perseverance. People who possess these qualities are happiest and most successful, according to recent research. Perseverance even beats intelligence and talent.
There is this legendary experiment from the 60s, in which the psychologist Walter Mischel at the Stanford University four-year-old children put down a piece of mouse bacon. Would they wait, they would get a second piece. Most people immediately ate the bacon, only very few were able to digest it. Mischel accompanied the subjects for years to adulthood and found out: Who had had self-discipline as a child, later earned more money, lived healthier and in a more stable partnership than the impulse-controlled instant eaters.
Why is that? There are the experts, especially the American social psychologist and celebrated author Roy Baumeister ("The power of discipline - how we can train our will"), quite agree: people with a strong will are freer. Those who have the self-discipline to wait for the second mouse bacon, creates alternative courses of action. But those who unrestrainedly surrender to their desires and desires have no control over their lives. Even if it sounds like a paradox - being free means limiting yourself.
But where does this property come from? Is it innate or is one influenced by the parents? There is surprisingly little psychological research into the development of willpower. But crime studies, for which self-control is highly relevant, show, for example, considerable genetic influences on whether we are generally impulsive or self-controlled. This predisposition then pairs with what our parents show us. For example, if you show us that you have to be disciplined, if you want to achieve something, then we will unconsciously accept that as children. The children, on the other hand, whose parents signal to them: "If you can no longer do it, you do not have to go on," you will rather give up. The so-called self-motivation competence is strengthened when we as a child sometimes have to solve difficult or unpleasant tasks alone. However, this presupposes that we generally feel understood by our parents.
For example, I started riding at the age of ten because I really wanted it. And I remember that in the beginning it took a lot of my time and I was really excited before every riding lesson because my talent was limited. But learning to ride was my big wish, and for me it was not a question of whether I would stick to it. My mother, who first drove me to riding lessons, would never have made an excuse, except perhaps a high fever. I inhaled this attitude. And never filed again. The conclusion? I still ride today, and not so bad. Which in turn supports the theory that perseverance and discipline are more important to the success of a cause than talent ...
There is only the possibility to continue
My ability to stay with it helped me in my studies and at work.I suffered humiliations, thirsty stretches and doubts. I was by far not an above-average fast-forward. I took a lot of time, but I had a goal and did not lose sight of it. It did not happen convulsively - I did not know it differently. It seemed to me the only possible way to live a good life. This is perhaps the secret of strong-willed people: There is no other possibility in their cosmos than to carry on.
And that's exactly the disadvantage: Willpower can be very exhausting and painful. She gnaws and burns mercilessly. Often it would be nice to see things looser. Others do and let themselves drift. Not to worry about anything - not the pounds on the stomach, not the career move. Anyone who has a strong will is usually an optimizer. And in every area of life. It is not for nothing that people with burnout are usually those who have a great deal of self-control. And perseverance and discipline are often negative in others.
Yes, one can also have too much willpower.
The high art is to learn to play it virtuoso, like an instrument. Social psychologist dr. Malte Friese of the University of Saarland describes it this way: "I see self-control as a gift that makes it easier to realize long-term goals, you can use this gift, but you do not have to do it on every occasion that would be suitable." Even being deliberately uncontrolled can be very beautiful: "I could not help it, I had to get drunk and celebrate the night." This is the use of willpower for the advanced.
Walter Mischel, the man with the legendary experiment, put it this way: "Not only self-control belongs to life, but also the knowledge of when it is time to give in to temptation." Too much self-control is an unlived life. " And I would say: the man is right.
Small instructions for willpower-willing
Again and again check the self-control in small, manageable portions, for example: I will resist sweets today. Those who regularly train their self-control actually get better.
Set priorities: not to do too much at once, but to set realistic goals. Fighting on too many fronts simultaneously weakens the willpower.
Concrete planning: not "I want to jog now regularly", but "I walk this week three times 20 minutes". And then increase.
Do not delay a task that can be completed in less than two minutes.
Sufficient sleep: too little sleep is the "enemy of the willpower". Tired and overburdened people can not be disciplined.
