Finally falling in love ....
There was a coat left from my last love. "He would be wonderful," Max said. The coat, very wide and very long, light gray and really casual, hung on a mannequin without a head. "Come on," said Max, and we went to the store. For two years we were together, we could not agree on a shared apartment, we did not love the same books, he did not want children, I did. But no man had awakened so much dreams in me as he did. I tried the gray coat and looked like the woman I could be. Female, adult, extravagant. Alone I would never have dared. Max smiled. I bought, I could count on his judgment. When we went out of business, he kissed me. Sometimes everything was right between us.
Now, a year later, I am running my coat through the streets again. People are looking around for me. I do not realize it. Something is missing. I bury my hands deep in my pockets. Max is memory, no one else is in his place. There is no quarrel and no more false hopes. Everything is OK. Except for the one thing that matters.
I pull up the collar of the coat. It should now go next to me. It should now tell you: you look beautiful. There should be one now whom I would like to kiss. With soft knees and palpitations. That's not too much to ask. I want to get over it again and really doll and at least maddening ... Oh, that would be nice. Unthinkable that someone says: in love? Well, that does not have to be, I do not need that. Infatuation can always be needed. Love makes the world suddenly turn a little rounder, it becomes easier and laughs for no reason at all. If you are in love, you are intoxicated. The produces friendliness for all and in vain. The rainy weather is wildly romantic and the traffic jam on the highway to dream beautiful. Infatuation should not be explained, infatuation is a miracle.
It is the only permitted form of madness. There are two people among millions of other people and decide in all seriousness that they are the only ones in the world for each other. This is a clear, if charming, case of loss of reality. But no one is seriously worried about the state of mind of lovers. When life (alone, twos, fifths) gets lost in everyday life, when one is not really bad, but not really well, then normality does not help. It should be a bit of life in life again.
Being in love makes us curious about the possibilities in ourselves that are just waiting to finally be kissed awake. In normal life, change takes time. For example, you can not make a career overnight. Fall in love already. It happens suddenly, unexpectedly and? again and again. Falling in love is one of the most contradictory events that exists.
Is it also wrong to be in love? There is misfortune and futility, disappointment and error in falling in love. But one does not fall in love with love because the beginning of all loves always tells us something right. Maybe not the one we want right now. But certainly about love, as we dream it: It should be light and lively. We never want to tire ourselves in endless relationship discussions. We always want to have sexual desire for each other. Never should the closeness to the other diminish. But only in love falls together, which later no longer belong together automatically. How nice that we forget that, temporarily. And if the "new" has a few quirks? Never mind. And if he has no idea about our favorite movies? Never mind. And if he is always late? Never mind. In two or three months, that will make us crazy. But now ? Now we are in love. Nothing should disturb this rush. Certainly not the reality. He who is in love defends his desire for love with stoic blindness and gracious forgetting.
Actually, you can do everything alone: live alone and travel, do sports and eat alone. You can even satisfy yourself sexually. Just falling in love alone does not make sense.
